Overweight teen

[VashtaNerada]

Has anyone found a good website / book for teens who are overweight? DS is getting self-conscious about his weight but other than trying to buy healthy foods and getting him to come on walks with me, I’m not sure what else to do to help. He is particularly worried about taking his top off which I fear will put an end to swimming lessons at some point but I don’t know enough about weights or anything to support him with toning up. And obviously I am very aware of any help I give him being delivered in a supportive and loving way. The last thing I want to do is make him feel even worse about himself. He came up as very obese in his Year 6 weight check a few years ago but there was zero follow-up from my local authority which is a shame. We would definitely engage with any support offered.
If anyone has cracked this, please let me know!

My teen wouldn’t be caught dead on healthy walks with me! Shudder.

Can his dad not have a word, or get him into some kind of exercise regime? Men have a way of being straightforward about these things.

Can he walk or cycle to school or at least home from school? My DD’s walk is 35 mins each way and she walks extremely quickly now, carrying a heavy backpack. My walk home from school was an hour and generally uphill. Good way to build stamina but I did NOT lose weight!

I was overweight and in my 20s at uni I took up rowing, circuits, jogging and cycling and I felt great. I just felt too embarrassed to tell anyone I wanted to lose weight when I was at school and my mum just said “oh don’t worry it’s puppy fat.” (It wasn’t.)

Both my nephews were quite weedy and they bought some basic home gym gear together and put in some effort. Older nephew now 19 is “ripped”. Putting in some muscle tone will help appearance and self esteem. I don’t think you need to know much about it - let him research online. Loads of SM to support this kind of thing.

You need to look at what he’s eating during the school day and snacks outside meals. You can provide healthy meals but it will make no difference if he’s downing two cans of full-fat cola and a sharing bag of kettle chips every day.

I would start with looking at the family eating habits and behaviour around food. If your DS was very obese in Year 6 it didn’t happen overnight or in a vacuum.

What kind of follow up from the local authority would have been helpful in this situation?

Following for advice as we have the same issue. I fear DS2 has taken after me - he's hugely tall for his age anyway, but also with a huge appetite and a lot of sensory seeking behaviours around food. I've only managed to control my weight myself in the last year with the help of mounjaro but obviously I can't give that to a child. DH and DS1 are slim without effort and we don't eat heaps of crap, also not a snacking family. Tried to have a gentle conversation about portion sizes and not going back for seconds (even if his slim older brother is) and it went so badly

I have a similar situation with my sons. I've explained to my heavier son that people have different metabolisms and some people, especially when young, can eat large amounts without gaining weight but unfortunately that isn't true for everyone.

I did tell him that metabolism eventually slows for everyone and he'll be better prepared when older than his brother as he can't just eat whatever he fancies. He's accepted that and just rolls his eyes at his brother eating seconds now. I've made sure to frame it all around health rather than appearance and it seems to be working. He's joined a gym and is more conscious of making healthy food choices now.

@StayAliveJessicaHyde how old is your son? mine is only 12 so still young for the gym, he's already so strong that I bet when he starts lifting weights he will crush it but he's still young. He absolutely hates running - school just makes them do football which is a vale of tears and misery for him. I keep taking him to things hoping he will fall in love with rugby or rowing or field athletics like shot put - something where his height and build is an advantage and he starts linking food to performance in a sport.

I like the idea of the different metabolisms and health conversation. I'll try again tonight.

What physical activity does he do? To lose weight he needs to do something.
what’s his diet like? You can’t control everything a teen eats, but you can control the meals he’s given and the snacks in the home.

my dd out on quite a bit of weight during Covid, but then got back into her sports and had a bit of a growth spurt and is now very slim.

He's 14 @Xiaoxiong but we are really lucky to live beside a gym that takes teenagers from 13 rather than 16. He has some light home weights that he uses also.

I've been trying to get him into athletics as his brother runs compeitively but to no avail! He does play rugby and enjoys cycling but he also ADHD which makes him very susceptible to emotional eating and it's hard to outrun something like that.

I do worry about when he's an adult and has more access to money/unhealthy food but hopefully all the conversation around it now will stick!

Best of luck to you and your son it really is difficult topic to deal with.

I would work on the basis that he should be sitting down for as short as possible a time per day. So yes to cycling to school, yes to trying out various physical activities - golf? Orienteering? Basketball? Allotment gardening? Climbing wall? And how about volunteering to help weed an elderly persons garden or walking their dog - tbh even if said elderly person insists on bringing out cake, at least they’ve been active. Just up and moving for as much of the day as possible.

Exercise is great but the diet is the problem. What does he eat?

Weight loss is 90% diet (or something like that). Exercise is important, obviously, for heart health and mental wellbeing. But it's diet that will make the difference. I lost a stone last year (and I wasn't overweight to start with) through diet alone when I was completely sedentary due to a broken ankle.

So yeah - look at diet. Hard with teens, especially if they buy food at school, etc. But establishing healthier eating habits can be done gradually and sensitively. Just change one thing at a time, for example.

Thanks everyone and yes, you’re right, diet is really important. We have fairly healthy stuff at home but school is definitely an issue. He’s always had a tendency to gain weight but it’s been worse since he’s had a bit more autonomy over his food. I really feel for him because he’s just craving food all the time. I’ll have a ponder over the suggestions made here.

Oh, and @CortieTat - years ago there were groups and clubs and things for overweight youngsters. Cooking clubs, sports clubs, family counselling etc. I would have engaged with any of that but I think that sadly the funding has all dried up now.

@StayAliveJessicaHyde thanks for the message. Interesting you mention your son has ADHD - my DS doesn't have a diagnosis but I am increasingly wondering. Impulsive to touch EVERYTHING, always something in his mouth, every one of his pencils is chewed up, nails chewed, used to chew on the neck of every t-shirt, on the strings of every hoodie, seems to have no control over flailing limbs, fidgets constantly unless he's concentrating hard.

If there's a bowl of crisps on a table at a party or a buffet though he will stand there almost in a trance, hand to mouth crunching away until he'll look down and be shocked to find it's all been eaten - behaviour I recognise from myself as well, before mounjaro got rid of the "food noise".

He's very academic, focused and well behaved though so it has never come up with school.

@VashtaNerada we've been wondering whether to take our DS to the GP to see if hearing it from someone that's not us will make a difference. And maybe get referred to a clinic or something. There might be services or clubs out there, that I just don't know about.

My now12 year old got a bit chunky in year 6.
He didn’t lime that, so nos goes to the gym with either his dad of me.
He walks everywhere- no lifts unless its more than 30 min walk away
We don’t have crisps etc at home
In secondary, you can limit his food budget - he can take a packed lunch most days? Much cheaper as well if you need a reason.

I would focus on cutting out UPFs so most of not all food is cooked from scratch and sweet treats are fruit (not sweets of chocolate). If asks, h tell him you want the family to be healthier. Can you encourage him to take up a sport or exercise more? Normally active teens who eat real food will not ultimately be overweight so it’s a case of making good decisions and sticking to them.

He needs to eat more protein and complex carbs, more veg for fibre. As much filling food as he can eat, to reduce the desire for junk and processed carbs. He may need some kind of fidget distraction thing if he's adhd to distract from the urge to snack.

@Xiaoxiong My son's ADHD wasn't picked up in school, I had to have him diagnosed privately when he was 11. I always felt there was something wrong but because the school said he was fine I put it to the back of my mind. I actually thought he had ADD as he's never really been hyperactive. He talks non stop though so that's how the H bit manifests with him. He's also v impulsive and finds it hard to regulate his appetite and emotions.

As others have said, talk about it from a family health point of view. What about borrowing a fitbit or similar which can help him see if he is spending a lot of time being sedentary. My DD would walk with me doing those Pokémon searches.
I wouldn’t put him on a diet as such. Maybe talk about high sugar cereals/drinks etc as not good for teeth.
Has he had his teenage growth spurt yet? That sometimes helps to redistribute weight.

Hi OP, I haven't used them myself but Boxwave were on LBC last week - I think Shelagh Fogarty's show on Friday - you may want to listen back to it! It's fitness and nutrition specifically aimed at children/ teens.

I do empathise with your DS, I hated exercise at school (Games lessons with endless hockey - <shudder>) and it wasn't until I found gym going and aerobics classes in my 20s that I started enjoying it. Team sports are not for me! My DC are 10 now, you can join our local gym at 11 so I'll be signing them up, they're keen to start going.

Please do contact your local council too to see if there's anything they can recommend - locally we have Beezee Bodies, there may be something they can recommend to you!