I need to lose weight but I have issues

[SuperGinger]

I'm feeling really down about how I look, I'm 49 and when I was younger I was slim and very pretty but now I weigh more than DH and hate my body. I'm 80kg. I just look and I see fat, lumpy and ugly.

My mother was bulimic and eventually died indirectly as a result of this, my mother in law was anorexic. So role models are thin on the ground excuse the pun.

I also have a health condition which would make me unsuitable for any weight loss jabs. How do I get back to a normal weight 58kg would be good and realistic. I used to be between 48-50kg but I think that is unrealistic at my age.

I'm dyspraxic too so going to the gym fills me with terror. I currently do pilates but that isn't enough.

I have a bad relationship with food where I deprive myself then binge. I just can't snap out of it. I'm on holiday and I read a book (a novel) where one of thr characters had an rating disorder and it was a bit of a light bulb moment. How can I help myself?

I have a bad relationship with the GPs at my surgery, who have been helpful to me in other areas but I couldn't speak to about this. I tried once to raise it and mentioned mother's eating disorder (she vomited all the time even into her handbag sometimes and as children I even covered for her, saying the vomiting was me, she died and so please be kind about what you say about her), my GP said we are here to talk about you not her but it's all entwined. My maternal granny (an alcoholic) died from anorexia and alcoholism.

This is the first time, I've properly acknowledged all this and written it down and I'm crying.

Hi there,

I'm sorry you have had such a hard time with role models and food and I'm very sorry to hear about your mother.

Is there a particular reason you want to lose weight or is it purely nostalgia or looks or feeling out of control?

These things will matter when you feel motivated or demotivated and help you maybe untangle emotional eating from nourishment etc.

I hope you felt better being able to write down your thoughts and know someone read them and heard you. x

Start by cutting down on snacking, try to stick to 80/20 rule. 80% healthy 20% not so healthy! Then just try and get out and walk. Music, podcast, audio book. Walking is great for the body and great for the mind. A friend of mine has lost a ton of weight from walking

Have you heard of the charity BEAT? They might be able to point you to some help. It’s not just about losing weight it’s about getting to a point where you’re happier in yourself and have a better relationship with your body and food.

If you can just start by cutting out snacks, choc, biscuits, crisps. Change to skimmed milk, cut sugar if you have it. I lost about 13lb in 3months no exercise, eating same meals and not cutting down drinking. If I had adjusted meals and drinking I probably would have lost more.

Okay, I walk a lot anyway and I don't drink but sugar and snacking are problematic. I might contact Beat, but I'm a bit nervous and shy, another mum I know works there.

I want to lose weight so I'm not overweight and am healthier. Also I think I would feel better about myself.

You can do this, you really can

I lost 15kg in around 6/7 month and have kept it off since

I too wanted to get down to 50kg - but that was my pre 40's weight- and in my late 50's my body decided 58kg was as low as it was going and Im happy with that tbh. Too much of a loss as an older woman isnt going to do you any favours

And Ive done it without going near nor by a gym - I just get outside and walk

I joined SW. For me I need the support of a group , it's the way I am. I need the focus. The only things I no longer eat is bread and butter. They are my triggers , if I start on those - all bets out of the window

I still drink alcohol , have a cheeky take out once in a while , only I no longer drink wine, I stick to a spirit and low cal mixer and when I do have the take out, I won't have all the sides - leave the naan and bhajees behind

My meals are the same as they have always been only now at least half my plate is veg, Pasta and bread wholemeal ( and its a very rare pitta or thin when its bread ) brown rice, Im using a lot more grains and beans - quinoa , couscous , barley, lentils, kidney beans, chick peas etc. Very very filling and high protein

I eat lots of fat free greek yoghurt - very filling - with berries and chopped fruits I avoid processed foods - 95% of what I eat I cook from scratch

I find it really easy to stick with because Im not depriving myself of anything. Sure there's been some changes to the family diet - we eat bacon medallions rather then back bacon, turkey burgers instead of beef ( we actually prefer them ) Turkey sausages rather then pork

Snacks now for me will be mini chicken fillet, or a couple of baby bels. I use skimmed milk and no longer butter bread when I do have it - use a dairy lea light instead. The longer I keep away from the sugar, the easier it is. Dont get me wrong, every now and then I hit the biscuits that others bring into the house and can demolish a box of Jaffa cakes in one sitting - so I dont buy them. When I have moments like that, I just draw the line and start again

And I use the air fryer loads. Cook near on everything in the air fryer using olive oil or rapeseed oil in a spray bottle - never touch frylight

I was 58 when I decided enough was enough and it isnt so easy to lose weight in Menopause or Peri , but I lost at a steady 1lb a week , some weeks I didn't lose, never gained though

I have the opposite with my mother, she likes to sit and gorge all day and hates it when I can stay slim. So she does her best to sabotage by bringing in the cakes and biscuits- there are three slab cakes sat on the counter right now, two tubs of ice cream in the freezer and I dont know how many packets of biscuits and family jars of Nutella, She brings them in, I tell DH to hide them, she just goes and buys more. This is my second time in my life Ive had to "diet" and all I get to hear from her is - you won't keep it off, you were always fat. I wasnt. Ive had two serious episodes of depression when the weight has piled on. Both times, once that's been got under control I get back into shape - last time I kept it off 15 years

You can do this. As I say I really benefit from the support of SW. We are all in it together with our disordered eating habits, all learning to eat a balanced healthy diet and stick to it for life , but I know its not for everyone

And no its not about eating as much pasta as you want, living on Mullar Lights and avoiding avocados - as some would like you to believe :)

Be brave, you can do this! These charities exist for a reason, they genuinely want to help people. I’m sure the mum who works there will have known lots of other people who’ve used the service, so you won’t be the only one and there’s no need to feel shy. Personally, if I worked for a charity and knew someone wanted to use the service, I’d only feel positive about it and want to support them!

As another commenter suggested, something like SW can be good for accountability (even if their diet plan isn’t for everyone). At the end of the day, it’s usually simple: (obvs medical factors etc can have impact etc) if you’re putting in less than you’re expending, you’ll lose weight. Just try to add a bit of cardio alongside your Pilates, (which you can add an extra session or two at home, if you are only going to a weekly class, I follow Livebrave pilates, but lots of free classes on YouTube etc) you’ll be well on your way! Just remember for the majority of us, after 40 it is harder to shift the pounds, but it will happen. Slowly and consistently, is far better anyway.

I'm sorry for your loss and the things you've gone through and think that you should find someone to discuss your experiences with and look to break the cycle. This is before you start dieting or cutting things out, etc. Great that you are active.

It's taken me years to realise that dealing with my issues around food and why I would turn to things like chocolate and cake when upset, tired, etc are more important than actually losing weight in a lot of ways.

Do reach out to Beat. You can call them, do web chat or email initially if that's easier.

It's hard when you look back at your younger self. I used to think of myself as big, but I wasn't, just never skinny. I've been going to the gym doing strength training/weights for 5 years now. My weight has gone up and down - peri menopause ruined my sleep which meant lots of other things were out of kilter. I was bigger than you - I'm guessing you're on the shorter side if you weighed under 8 stone when you were younger - and have recently lost over a stone with more to go. I've accepted I'm not going to get down to under 60kg. I have more muscle now and my shape has changed which means to a lot of people I don't look fat, if that makes sense? But I'm most definitely overweight and I'm working on it.

If you want to make a lasting change, there aren't any quick fixes. Somethings are easy, others aren't. Choosing to do something different and finding ways to do this are the key. I wish you all the best.

Focus on health rather than weight loss. I also think counselling would help as your issues are deep rooted and you need support. Don't feel ashamed or alone but by taking control in a careful way you can feel better both mentally and physically.