Humiliation leading to a wake-up call - reality hitting and looking for some advice

[SunflowerSpirit]

I'm feeling a bit nervous to post this but the reality of my situation is really hitting me and I feel I need somewhere to share and would really appreciate some advice / support.

For a long time I've known that I am prone to emotional eating. Not to a serious level, but food has been a source of comfort and, more recently, a way to unwind and relax (mostly after a busy day). I have been able to 'get away' with doing this for a while, and would probably still be considered 'average' size (with a BMI just above healthy), but I've noticed my weight really starting to increase, especially on my tummy. This came to a head the other day when someone asked if I was pregnant (I'm not). I went into shock and feelings of humiliation soon followed. I've not been able to talk to others about this due to the shame, but I also don't feel I'm in an emotional place to hear any words said to try and make me feel better - the fact that someone thought I was pregnant was a massive wake-up call - they were saying what they were seeing and I need to try and address this. Not just for my appearance, but my health and wellbeing too.

I have no reason to not be a health weight. I don't have any health difficulties or challenges in life that prevent access to healthy eating and exercise. I think my main challenge is that food (and bingeing) is part of my 'relax' routine and certain foods (pasta / rice / crisps) instantly light up the dopamine in my brain. I feel I need some help re-addressing my relationship with food and trying to re-wire my brain to eat in moderation, exercise in moderation and know when to stop eating, or find another way to relax that doesn't involve food.

This all feels very scary - I worry that without food I won't be able to cope with day-to-day life, but I'm wondering if others have experienced similar, or have any thoughts on what may help / what worked for them?

I'm really open to anything and would be grateful for any response.

TIA

Shame is your enemy here.

Try to examine the self talk you beat yourself up with. Whose voice are you hearing? What can you say to yourself instead that is kind and patient and loving, that meets you where you are?

Try to get to the bottom of the feelings you're trying to avoid. Self doubt? Embarrassment? Loneliness? Grief? Feelings of failure?
Or boredom?

Then start changing what you eat to unwind or assuage uncomfortable feelings. Substitute crunchy items like baby carrots, kale chips, rice cakes, for crisps. For simple carbs, try cooking whole wheat pasta and brown rice. They are more filling. Dip your carrots in tasty hummus, whatever flavour appeals to you. Make yourself some guacamole.

Try to give yourself hourly challenges every day to stop bingeing. Can you last for the entire hour between 7 and 8 without eating? Maybe give yourself a small reward one weekend day.

But be kind to yourself, and don't ruminate on thoughtless comments. Only a really rude and very socially unaware person would ask a woman if she's pregnant.

I have always used food as an emotional support and reward and eventually reached 19 stone. I haven’t used WLIs because I couldn’t bear the thought of not eating my favourite treats, I really think I would panic without being able to eat the things that make me happy. It’s a ridiculous feeling but I can’t shake it off.

My approach was to tackle my weight by calorie counting. It’s simple (but hard) and the weight is gradually coming off. My method of coping is that I allow myself a treat / reward every evening. So I still get that hit, I still have that to look forward to, but it is controlled.

I realise I am not necessarily dealing with the underlying emotions around my food dependence but this has worked for almost 7 months now and it feels sustainable. I have lost 3 stone and eat chocolate every evening.

Thank you both so much for responding, your words and advise are really helpful and have given me lots to think about going forwards ❤