Boyfriends comments

[J4neD]

Hi,

Ive never posted before but I don’t know how to make sense of something & I just wanted some thoughts please.

I used to be in decent shape, slim & pretty active, but then I had a bad accident & basically shattered my femur & almost died back in September 23. I have put 2 stone on since the crash & have been left in ongoing pain as one of the screws in my hip is pretty protruding (waiting for further surgery to remove the metalwork now the bones healed).

At first I was dying to be able to walk & get back to yoga & CrossFit, but over time, I’ve completely lost motivation. I’m also a type 1 diabetic & my blood sugars have been crazy & all over the show for the past year or so.

So not completely making excuses, but that’s the reality of what I’m dealing with. I could absolutely do more & eat better though, I do realise that but my mind just feels stuck.

My boyfriend is in good shape, he has an active job & eats well. He’s never struggled with his weight & he doesn’t really understand or have any sympathy for the injures. He just thinks I use it an excuse.

The constant comments are really starting to get me down. I’m working away all next week so a simple conversation of me saying that I plan to have just eggs for breakfast in the hotel, will take fruit & chicken salad for my lunch & opt for a meat/ fish & veg option whilst away, we’re met with an instant ‘blah, blah, blah, you say this every week & you never do it. You’ve just got to do it, stop eating shit & go to the gym’.

I snapped & told him that his comments aren’t helpful & he always makes me feel like I’ve failed when I was simply looking for some advice & reassurance on my plan for the week. He just said that I’ve been saying it for over a year & nothings changed. He’s right, but I’m 12 & half stone, 5”7 so I’m hardly obese.

I know he has the best intentions & hes worried about my health but his words always just demotivate me & make me hate myself even more. I do know I’m being over sensitive & yes I could absolutely push myself more but now I’m sat upstairs upset feeling like what’s the point; he’s right, I’ll never change 😢

I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how better to help him understand. He just gets defensive when I try to get him to understand that his approach with me isn’t helpful & I feel lost.

I do want to loose weight & get my mobility back for myself, not for a man, but I just seem to keep failing over & over again

I think you just need to tell him "Off you fuck. Next."

Although I agree in some ways with the previous poster, you could try asking him what he can do to support you rather than bring you down. A boyfriend/partner/DH is supposed to be your biggest support and cheerleader, not a negative critic.

And, I wouldn’t start any conversations with him about food, diet or exercise, and I’d change the subject if he starts. Just make the changes that you want without discussing it with him, as you know he isn’t capable of being the reassuring presence that you’d like.

Thank you both- both helpful advice 🤣

My mind has flicked between these 2 options for quite some time now to be honest, about a few different points to, which might be telling me what I need to do 🤦🏽‍♀️

You'll lose a lot of weight if you get rid of the dead weight..your boyfriend. No-one should be allowed to put us down and make us feel low, especially not someone we choose to be in a relationship with.
Hence why I've been single for over a decade. Who needs that crap and then having to cook and feed and clean up after them without appreciation..no thanks!

Now as for the weight loss, find time to focus on yourself, forget everyone else for a while and can you do something you enjoy? Like you have said yoga, there are plenty of yoga videos for free on YouTube, I like yoga and go on retreats, I even went when I was 13 stones at 5ft 3 and they will amend it to your flexibility. Joe wicks is another good one with his beginners classes or there are similar classes on youtube. Moving more will build muscle mass which will help with burning calories.
Then diet is the main contributer of losing weight, can you look into eating healthier like higher protein and low carb is an easy and effective transition. Don't cut them carbs altogether but reducing it will make a difference. Some like to try fast 800 but that's very low calories to start off with. You could look up high protein recipes to start with. Snack on cottage cheese, skyr or high protein yoghurts, nuts, eggs, chicken slices etc to keep you feeling fuller. Track calories on myfitnesspal and it will give you a calorie target to aim for.
Good luck!

Does HE bring up your weight and diet and exercise ? Or do you and he just responds ? Because if it’s him constantly bringing it up he’s out of order , but if he only mentions it in response to you and you just don’t like his response I think that’s different . If it’s the latter then it’s incredibly irritating to continually listen to someone else’s plan after plan that never actually comes to fruition . Is he just sick of hearing it ? Actually start something and he might be more encouraging . I may be way off mark of course .

yes please dump him. What a prick, you’ve been through so much and you are not fat.

I'm type 1 diabetic and just lost 5 stone with the help of mounjaro since January.

Its also MASSIVELY helped my HBA1C which is now 39.

I used to take 12 levirmir morning and night and various amounts of noborapid (sometimes up to 30 units a day) and now just 12 levirmir in the morning keeps my sugars stable all day.

I have to pay for the MJ but get it via The Family Chemist.

Its the best decision I have made for myself and my diabetes xx

I wonder about this. Because it didn’t start with him commenting, it started with you.

I have a lovely friend, who I exercise with. She is gradually doing less and less, all good her choice. And she eating poorly, again, don’t care. She’s really struggling with her weight and health. But she constantly talks about what she ‘should’ be doing. “I’m going to do X this week” and doesn’t. “I’m going back on my eating plan this week” and doesn’t. I know it’s all good intentions, I know she wants to, I know she means it at the time. It’s just really annoying to hear it every time and she doesn’t do it. She’d be happier if she either gave up, or did it. But she’s caught in a guilt/shame/inaction loop.

To quote Yoda. “Do or do not do, there is no try”.

Get rid of him

There some really helpful starters on here, thank you!

I think starting yoga at home will help start to build my confidence again, that’s a really good shout. I got to a pretty good level previous to the accident, I guess in my mind I’m scared of going & not being able to do the majority as I still can’t bend my leg properly. I get that’s the beauty of yoga though, I can adapt to something I can currently manage until I’m back to full strength 🤔

Most of the time he brings it up to be honest. I’m not overly too bothered about my weight, I’m a size 12 & yes bigger than before the accident, but I’m more thankful I didn’t die to be honest, so some extra pounds isn’t a big deal for me. I feel like my weight is more a problem for him than it is for me. Although I met him after the accident so it’s not like he’s ever seen me any different, I just think he wishes I’d go back to how I was.

The conversation earlier was me more talking my packing for work list out loud. Eggs, chicken salad, fruit, Greek yogurt etc, then he starting telling me I wouldn’t do it 🤷🏽‍♀️

Im someone who doesn’t really look at the act but more so the intention, & I know he just wants me to be healthy again, it’s just the way he words it I find unhelpful & upsetting. Hes Brazilian so I keep excusing it as a difference in cultures. But then I think being a prick is universal 🤣

I completely get this to be honest. I think I sometimes fall into this trap to hence why I’m sense checking my reaction. I feel for your friend though, I constantly look at diet plans & make crazy plans

I start things with loads of energy, but often go from zero to hero, then end up injured again so get frustrated with myself & give up when I end up hurting my leg or hypo all the time. I think I perhaps need to start slowly & push myself slightly less.

Because I was fit before, I kinda think, stop being lazy, get back to it. But try & pick up where I left off 🤦🏽‍♀️

Firstly, a massive well done; that’s incredible, I can only imagine how amazing that must feel! ❤️

This is really interesting though as I tried Mounjaro back in December & it completely floored me. Zero energy, constant nausea & always hypo.

Did you get any symptoms? & if so, did you find any ways of making them easier? I’m tempted to try again but I get a bit paranoid about injecting things that my doctor doesn’t know about incase anything should go wrong. They won’t prescribe for T1s where I got mine from online (MedExpress)

At first I went hypo a lot but I learnt to lower my insulin doseage and let the MJ do the work and I soon learnt that less insulin is the way forward whilst taking the MJ.

if you try to take the same amount of insulin whilst on MJ it will send you hypo and if you are low all the time it will make you sick and shaky.

I'm on 10mg of MJ now and my sugars are in range all day.

I"d say give it another go but get it properly don't lie to the pharmacies or try a local chemist and speak to them face to face. I had to have a consultation with my GP to discuss hypos and how to manage them (despite being diabetic since I was 14) its just a tick box exercise so the chemist can cover their backs.

I then sent a copy of that consultation to the family chemist who then prescribed MJ to me. My GP and diabetic clinic are aware.

It’s nothing to do with laziness. Your body is different now and you need to treat it differently. Pushing is great when you’re young, fit, healthy and essentially made of rubber and collagen. But your body has survived something. It needs a bit more kindness and calm. Make slow plans and stick with them. And don’t compare your old body to your new one. You’ll just feel demotivated. Compare your now body to your body in a week or two of slow progress.

And tell your BF to shut up unless you ask for his opinion. Then DON’T ask his opinion!

As a prediabetic, I've lost 3 stones on mounjaro too and its resolved my blood sugar symptoms too of feeling faint, dizzy, shaking hands and mood swings if I didn't eat every 3-4hrs. What made it worse is my GP didn't tell me my HBA1C was 45 and plasma glucose was 5.5. I found out years later through the app when changing GPs.
Like PP I also needed the higher dose 10mg for my symptoms to be resolved. I've also not had any ibs symptoms since starting 9 months ago amd not had any colds, which is rare for me, I picked up 6 respitatory infections in 7 months a few years back.
I definitely have also suffered from exhaustion and take L tyrosine to counteract it. Wish I'd found out another it earlier.

For the sake of your future health looking after your diabetes is crucial - I'd prioritise that from a diet point of view, and if you lose weight as well then great. High and erratic blood sugars will do you a lot of damage long term and impair your wound healing post-op. Maybe contact your diabetes nurse or diabetes UK for advice?

Exercise is way less important particularly with the surgical issue.