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Original poster

Psychology of weight gain

9 replies

AquaCat93 · 03/07/2025 00:02

This is not a fat bashing thread! Just personal reflection on my own weight gain.

In the last fifteen months I've gained two stone, so around a pound a month. I was aware of not eating very mindfully, mainly eating out every week (full pizza and dessert), and being too sedentary.

It was probably only in the last four months that I started to feel 'over weight' - that's probably accurate as thats when I went over my 'normal' BMI (if you can take those to mean anything!) - which manifested as the bottom half of my clothing and my bras not really fitting, feeling more unfit, hotter especially in the hot weather, and thigh rub bordering on chafing in the heat. Initially I felt...gross.

However I've now removed the shame / failure / disappointment / irritation / annoyance / judgement about it, because it's not helpful. Consequently I feel more...sexy / attractive / confident / comfortable. Aside occasional thigh rub, sometimes catching myself saying god I'm fat, I actually quite like that there's more of me, I'm weirdly fascinated by my cellulite 😆 (not that it's new, but it's in more places). It feels like a relief, whereas when I'm slimmer, I feel less relaxed, its harder to maintain so feels more challenging.

I'm going to have to lose some of the weight as I have a medical condition that is being made worse by being overweight, but it also feels good to know that I'm happy and comfortable as I am, my relationship to my body is good.

Thanks for coming to my talk 😆

OP posts:
ByLilacMember · 03/07/2025 00:12

Hi OP, thank you for your talk! I found this really interesting and helpful.
I urgently need to get to the point you're at as I am feeling so distracted by my body, it's becoming my most dominant thought. Even if I am a few kilos lighter and at my 'target' weight I rarely feel good enough in my own skin.
This is partly because I don't put weight on in good places, partly quite generally stressed about my weight and appearance and a bit of a down turn in mood which I hope to get to the bottom of soon.
Thank you for your post, it's helped me see where I need to get to

Original poster
AquaCat93 · 03/07/2025 00:43

ByLilacMember · 03/07/2025 00:12

Hi OP, thank you for your talk! I found this really interesting and helpful.
I urgently need to get to the point you're at as I am feeling so distracted by my body, it's becoming my most dominant thought. Even if I am a few kilos lighter and at my 'target' weight I rarely feel good enough in my own skin.
This is partly because I don't put weight on in good places, partly quite generally stressed about my weight and appearance and a bit of a down turn in mood which I hope to get to the bottom of soon.
Thank you for your post, it's helped me see where I need to get to

You're welcome, glad it was helpful!

I think there's something really beneficial about examining our own thoughts - thoughts are just thoughts, our way of relating to the world and not the same as reality, so might as well try and cultivate good ones, that's how I've come to see it now anyway.

I did find it helpful to think about where some of my messages come from about my weight and body.

I started a note on my phone - 'my relationship with my body' - and just jotted down where messages have come from (memories that have stuck with me like a girl at school lining us up in our swimming costumes and telling us which ones she thought were fat and which were puppy fat?!) and what impact they had on me. Kind of like my line in the sand.

Then I wrote down what I would say to me now (just posting inner most thoughts on the interwebs 😆):

I will decide for myself what my standards are and what I am comfortable with

If I'm not happy, I will decide for myself what to do about it

Where I see 'lacking' and 'less than', I will try and be wise

OP posts:
IPM · 03/07/2025 00:50

It's a bit of an oxymoron to say you're happy being overweight but you need to lose weight due to your poor health?

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 03/07/2025 01:03

I’ve been everything from a size 10 to a size 20. One thing has been consistent - I always hated my body.

I felt fat at 55kg (8 stone 9lb) as a teenager, I have photos of me covering my ‘fat’ tummy with my arms, while my mum tried to convince me that I looked lovely and would see that in a photo. (It took me 10 years but I did see it in the end!)

I put on significant weight after DS1 was born due to thyroid issues, going from 11 stone to 14 ish.

I then put on and lost the same 1-2 stone over 15 years. The stretch marks of pregnancy meant that even when I lost weight back to 11 stone (due to stress during my divorce) I still hated my naked body (although I had more confidence clothed).

I’m now at my largest and have made a conscious decision to love and accept my body, to appreciate my softness, to delight in the increased bra size! I realised that I have never accepted myself fully, so losing weight won’t help that. That I need to accept myself as I am now.

I love what my body has done for me, that it keeps me going every day despite struggling with health issues, it created and birthed 3 amazing humans, it has given me so much joy and pleasure.

If I were single I think I’d be totally at peace with my size, but I am conscious that my DP sees me as ‘big’ which is almost a shock to me, as I don’t see myself as ‘big’. I know he worries about health implications but tbh he is probably underweight and has his own health troubles.

He does tell me I’m sexy and beautiful etc and that he loves “all of me” but tbh that gives me a little jolt as it just feels like the emphasis is on the “aaallllll!” but I’m trying to love my body AND accept that its big, rather than being in denial about my size, so I have to not take that as a negative. It’s just factual, I am overweight but that doesn’t reflect my worth..

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 03/07/2025 01:08

IPM · 03/07/2025 00:50

It's a bit of an oxymoron to say you're happy being overweight but you need to lose weight due to your poor health?

No it isn’t. You can be happy and accept yourself at any size while still knowing that you could benefit from losing some weight.

sadmillenial · 03/07/2025 04:26

I've been very lucky in my metabolism and body shape, so i've always stayed around 55kgs from age 18 - 39 without any real effort
2 years ago i got ME, was unable to exercise or even really walk/move around in a normal way. I've moved from a size 8 to a size 10/12, and i'm ashamed at how much it has knocked my confidence because i always thought i was "better than that", so i know i have some internalised fatphobia i need to deal with.
I really appreciate the OP, thats the place im trying to get to
thank you x

CortieTat · 03/07/2025 10:15

I never hated my body, I’m grateful every day that I am healthy and alive (I practice gratitude, the stoic way, and it helps a lot to put things in perspective). I am petite (feet size 3, wrist circumference under 14 cm) so when I was bigger I felt very uncomfortable - sweating, tight rub, my feet hurt. That was it for me, no food under the sun was worth the side effects.

I don’t starve myself to lose weight, and I feel like by taking good care of my body - eating good food and exercising regularly - I have a way to translate that gratitude into action.

Spanador · 03/07/2025 11:47

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 03/07/2025 01:03

I’ve been everything from a size 10 to a size 20. One thing has been consistent - I always hated my body.

I felt fat at 55kg (8 stone 9lb) as a teenager, I have photos of me covering my ‘fat’ tummy with my arms, while my mum tried to convince me that I looked lovely and would see that in a photo. (It took me 10 years but I did see it in the end!)

I put on significant weight after DS1 was born due to thyroid issues, going from 11 stone to 14 ish.

I then put on and lost the same 1-2 stone over 15 years. The stretch marks of pregnancy meant that even when I lost weight back to 11 stone (due to stress during my divorce) I still hated my naked body (although I had more confidence clothed).

I’m now at my largest and have made a conscious decision to love and accept my body, to appreciate my softness, to delight in the increased bra size! I realised that I have never accepted myself fully, so losing weight won’t help that. That I need to accept myself as I am now.

I love what my body has done for me, that it keeps me going every day despite struggling with health issues, it created and birthed 3 amazing humans, it has given me so much joy and pleasure.

If I were single I think I’d be totally at peace with my size, but I am conscious that my DP sees me as ‘big’ which is almost a shock to me, as I don’t see myself as ‘big’. I know he worries about health implications but tbh he is probably underweight and has his own health troubles.

He does tell me I’m sexy and beautiful etc and that he loves “all of me” but tbh that gives me a little jolt as it just feels like the emphasis is on the “aaallllll!” but I’m trying to love my body AND accept that its big, rather than being in denial about my size, so I have to not take that as a negative. It’s just factual, I am overweight but that doesn’t reflect my worth..

Edited

This is one of the most relatable posts I've ever read on here. I feel exactly the same, I've always tormented myself for being fat (even when I was 8 stone). Now at 16 stone all I ever think about every day is losing weight and hating myself for gaining it, but actually I've realised the same as you in that I've never been happy at any weight so is torturing myself into losing it really going to make me happy

Original poster
AquaCat93 · 03/07/2025 18:33

CortieTat · 03/07/2025 10:15

I never hated my body, I’m grateful every day that I am healthy and alive (I practice gratitude, the stoic way, and it helps a lot to put things in perspective). I am petite (feet size 3, wrist circumference under 14 cm) so when I was bigger I felt very uncomfortable - sweating, tight rub, my feet hurt. That was it for me, no food under the sun was worth the side effects.

I don’t starve myself to lose weight, and I feel like by taking good care of my body - eating good food and exercising regularly - I have a way to translate that gratitude into action.

This sounds like a really positive way to be.

I do think the two have to go hand in hand: liking your body AND taking care of your body.

There will, inevitably be times when our bodies 'let us down' (unforeseeable illness, injury, impact of stress etc.) and change but even more important to continue to like our body during these times.

Am reminded of when I needed emergency surgery - I leaned into taking more care of my body which helped rebuild my confidence about my ability to cope. Ended up with a deeper appreciation of the body's ability to heal.

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