Confused and Fed Up

[Luckywtchy]

I am currently 5 stone overweight and put it on since 2019 - from size 12 to 16/18

I have lost some of the weight a few times, over the years , but have ended up putting it all back on and more now. I am currently at 16 stones.

I feel trapped and fed up, and guilty in a sense of I keep saying I’m going to “start on Monday” and it never really happens.

I have had great success with fasting in the past, but I always up binging and overdoing it. Im very much all or nothing.

In a moment of “happiness” last month I agreed to attend two big social events with friends. I thought I would have been in a much better place weight wise but I didn’t end up starting anything.

The first event is coming up next Saturday Epsom Derby races. I invited a friend and she invited another too attend also. I really however can’t face to go now and I’m really anxious at the thought of it.

I feel really bad for wanting to back out as it was my idea initially ,but at least she would have someone to still go with.

I also agreed to go with another friend to Royal Ascot next month too.

I would love to just get refunds for my tickets for both and spend the month of June - working on getting myself in a better place.

I have been advised by my mum to just go and do it for me, but i would rather be there looking in a much better way than I am now.

I feel like taking 30 days to work on myself, will put me in a better place to be ready to then attend Summer events.

Im confused and feel bad for not wanting to go to both events.

You need to make small, sustainable changes, one or two at a time, and do them until they become habits that don’t take any effort to maintain. Ditch this mentality that you are starting this overhaul of your diet; that sort of thinking hardly ever lasts, and it can seem daunting— that’s why you keep pushing off “starting.”

Fasting works for a lot of people, but not for binge eaters. Seek out a therapist who specializes in BED, and in the mean time, write down what was going on and how you were feeling before, during, and after each binge. A lot of times people binge because they’re trying to cope with some difficult emotion or stressor, and the quick dopamine hit from binging temporarily relieves it. It’s helpful if you identify that emotion/stressor and seek alternative, healthier ways of dealing with it: maybe you watch a funny tv show for a bit, or go for a walk, write in a journal, call a friend, etc.

Another reason can be if you use up all your will power being hungry or depriving yourself of everything enjoyable you usually eat, and then when temptation presents itself, you don’t have any willpower left to say no. Don’t let yourself get too hungry, and make small, slow changes to avoid that.

And go to the events. You don’t have to stay “on your diet” 100% of the time; 80% of the time is enough to see changes. If you deprive yourself of fun, your weight loss journey will just be more difficult to stay on.

Hi Please go to the races. Your friends love you for who you are and want to spend the day with you.

Do you have something you can focus on that you are happy with. For me it’s my hair, I have a fab hairdresser and all the credit is hers but I never feel unhappy about my hair. Maybe you have an outfit that you are happy with or could afford to buy one item (and sell it later)

My worry would be that you cancel the events and then June slips away with you anyway. We have all been guilty of that. Make a commitment to yourself that next year you will be where you want to be and then put that into the long term goals box and as has already been said - make small changes that you can maintain. I’ve lost 6lb this month by consistently logging my calories. I’d love to be the 3 stone lighter that I need to be, but that’s my long term goal, I’m really chuffed with the 6lb and the 4lb last month and I have to hold onto that. I know I’m not drinking enough water and I need to be consistent with strength training so those are my goals that I will add on for June. I will still go on my holiday next month (with my lovely haircut!)

Really hope you go and have a lovely time.

Don't cancel the events. Your friends don't care what you weigh. Also I'm sorry but you're kicking the can down the road thinking you can cancel these events and focus on weight loss. If you want to lose weight then start today :) don't put your life on hold until you lose weight.

1. Absolutely go to the races. The only scenario I can imagine where your weight could be an issue would be if you wanted to compete, otherwise nobody cares.
2. You come across as an intelligent person, so why do you want to repeat something that doesn’t work? You know already, first hand experience, that a drastic overhaul of your diet leads to further weight gain. Please don’t do this. It’s a long game of small changes and learning new habits that works.