actively dieting made me realize how terribly I ate when I was younger

[ThisPearlOP]

rant/vent ahead I am so sorry 😭 but I need to write this down so when I was like 18-22 I lost alot of weight and the thing that bugs me most is knowing what got me there in the first place and it absolutely terrifies me to legitimate hell how much I can eat...!!!!!!

because I would always eat very very large amounts like big pumpkins and entire oven trays of broccoli casserole etc but obviously I did not always eat safe food and low carb veggies I used to actually do this with high calories good food so I would eat awhole pack of oats (500g) or a loaf of bread and 2-3 packs of cheese and sausage and so on and then take another 2-4 sandwiches wich me for lunch and start eating them on the way to school etc so I would prob eat twice my TDEE in 1 hour after waking up...!!!

And when I could sleep in I woke up excited because not having to go to school means I could have infinite breakfast and I would go to the kitchen grab bags of oats, cereal etc and eat bowl after bowl I even had my own bowl in my room and I would take the milk cartons and stuff everything back to my room and I would empty that!!! I still remember my parents being annoyed or like surprised when they find things like milk suddenly empty because I would wake up early or wait until they sleep to raid the kitchen and most of our spoons were in my room etc and that did happen a lot that I would just take half the kitchen back into my room and eat and eat and eat so much there. So that is likely where I got real used to eating 2-3kg in a sitting.

And NOW it scares me how much I can eat. Even if I just have broccoli, even if I just have baby carrots. 10 packs of baby carrots at 250g each is still 2.5kg so over 700 calories!! I will just eat that. A carton of yoghurt is 12 cups i can also just eat it. Loooking back that was probably really bad and unhealthy and I am so ashamed that this was eating accordig to hunger to me like why would I just permanently urge like that or be happy when I was "allowed" to just eat and eat and eat etc like I know you are not supposed to do that 😭😭😭😭 I hate myself for doing this I am literally getting flash backs as me sitting on the floor mixing one bowl after the other and I know this is where it happened but I wasn't thinking or wanting anything like oh yeah I want to overeat and ruin my health I was really just eating like I was hungry and I wish I had known about calories etc back then !!!

sorry for the rant/vent but can anyone relate knowing this about yourself is so damn SCARY 😭😭

A lot of the food you used to eat sounds healthy. Is it just the quantity of food that you’re annoyed about?
how did you then lose the weight? Was it difficult to cut down on the quantity of food?

This genuinely sounds more like a medical issue. Have you spoken to your doctor about your insatiable hunger? I can't imagine even grown adult men having the appetite to eat, say, a whole bag of oats in one sitting (on top of everything else).

yes so what happened was that I got out of school and into an apprenticeship where I was in a group with others that also had like mental health issues going on where it would be difficult to get regular work and everything and literally just because of that I had barely any opportunity to eat as I wanted like I couldn't just eat 20 slices of bread when I'm sitting with everyone and me and my roommates all made the same money and shared a kitchen etc like it was impossible to binge there and it was part good part bad I remember when I had like some candy or whatever my brain would absolutely rage because I felt so deprived and it was so rare !!!!

Any way that was like 3 years and I am sure I must have lost like 20kg some people told me I was unrecognizable. I still had no clue why but when I was finished I got a normal job in that field and since I was an adult by then I also moved out and that was right before covid iirc...so I was alone and had all opportunities to eat as I want again :(((((

ever since it is an INSANE struggle to maintain my weight !!!!! So I learned about calories and macros, that you have to eat protein and restrict when you are still hungry but calories are reached etc and its a pain I'm 25 now wasted at least 5 years on losing and gaining the same 10kg over and over this is absolutely crazy work and I fear I wrecked my guts and mental health in the process just WTF is this !!! You will not believe how much time and money and brain torment it costs me all the time worrying about overeating or actually overeating jesus christ what can even be done 😭😭😭😭

Not the exact same situation OP but now in my late 30s I’ve become a lot healthier and I look back on what I ate through most of my 20s and early 30s and I’m quite shocked.

Sometimes I'd just have chocolate cake for lunch, or a bag of haribo for dinner. I was never overweight but I certainly wasn't getting the required vitamins/minerals/nutrients.

I guess it's just realising you didn't treat your body with the respect it deserves and that can come as a bit of a shock. It did for me, anyway. But onwards and upwards!

Same here, I’m embarrassed about what I ate as a young teenager, my DM was very relaxed and let us eat whatever we wanted. I was skinny so must have had a high metabolism but I would live off crisps, chocolate, fizzy drinks and rustler burgers! Then when I met my boyfriend and we started eating out and get take out food is did put on a few stone and it took me all of my twenties to develop healthy eating habits.
however as a previous poster said it does sound like you have an abnormally high hunger so I would definitely go to the doctor to rule out a medical issue

nooo its also part of it that is health anxiety and just general fear like I'm not going to go in looking to hear something is insanely wrong with me!!!

The issue is really just the amount, I swear I know how to eat healthy and everything but having no satiety, not ever at any point, literally absolutely never. means I can just eat and eat and eat and if I don't count calories and restrict once the numbers get too high I will eat according to feeling and appetite and I will absolutely eat 5000-7000cal a day without even realizing it i hate everything about it !!!!