Comments on your body / body image rant

[helloitsme09]

Hello

had a family member today ask me in seriousness had I stopped exercising as you could see I’d put the weight on and that bringing it up was the only way of addressing it. I was shocked and humiliated as it was in front of two other family members who didn’t know what to do. I know I’ve put weight on and openly mentioned this, but still couldn’t believe manner in which they said it. I have two DCs who are quite young and pathetically had to hide my crying on the journey home whilst DH drove 🙈. Ever since then, as you can imagine, I’ve been haunted by every time someone has called me fat in my life. Can’t help but think:

1. People will only value me on being smaller- that it’s better overall. It’s pleasing to them really. The amount of times when I’ve lost weight in past with people saying ‘you look

so well’ verifying I didn’t look well previously 🤷‍♀️

1. that losing weight etc is prompted by such comments and how vicious a cycle this is in terms of taking action and then pleasing others

and 3. Sadly how much family member chose not to think before speaking and what they choose not to see. Wouldn’t it be more compassionate to say, how do you manage a full time job, doing great job with kids, drop offs, pick ups. Are you managing ok to look after yourself?

Sorry for the rant, been really sitting with this all day and spewing my thoughts…. Anyone else out there who has had similar experience their whole lives? I can think of so many examples of people commenting on my body.

In my experience (including recently), thinner equals more attention from strangers, greater respect from work and colleagues and friends, you're more attractive smaller; we live in a thin is better society,

Hi OP, yes indeed I have been on the receiving end of similar comments my whole life and am now over sixty!
I’ve never even been significantly overweight, clearly just not acceptable to people around me.
And yes, as a result I developed an eating disorder and am currently hugely triggered by the availability of weight loss injections. So unfortunately I’ve never resolved this issue.
What I wish I had done when younger and what I would advise you to do now if you can, is to respond to the comments. Don’t internalise them and upset yourself ( though of course it’s upsetting) Say what you have written here, ie calmly ask family member why they choose to comment on your body rather than the excellent job you are doing managing a full time job and kids.
It’s very hard to do, as you of course have an emotional reaction to being criticised. I started to do this about 10 years ago and it helps.
I’ve concluded that my poor relationship with food is partly related to being too passive in general and then compensating by eating the wrong things etc. Maybe something to think about, but you’re so right, your worth as a person is absolutely not solely defined by your body/ body image and it’s sad that so many people act/ speak like it is.
You sound like you’re doing just great to me!