When does the criticism stop?

[Avocadot0ast]

I’ve just been called a whale by 3 young (10ish) girls at a park. There was no reason for it, no provocation, I was there with my two very young daughters. It’s a small park in the village I live in mostly geared to toddlers - 6 year olds but these girls like to hang out there too. The debate was why they can’t call me a whale because whales aren’t fat (nice)

I’m 5ft 10, healthy BMI and a size12. I’ve worked so hard to lose weight the last 2 years, dropping over 100lbs from my heaviest. I thought I was done. I’m an hourglass shape and have always been considered fat, I grew up in the skinny chic era when anything bigger then a size 8 was practically criminal. All my friends were short and size 6/8. So I was bullied relentlessly throughout my school life. I gained loads of weight through depression, pregnancy, family death etc. and ended up morbidly obese. It’s taken 2 years to get here and I was finally feeling better and normal.

When does it stop? How much thinner do I have to get to just be left alone in my day to day life? I know people will throw insults during arguments, or trolls online enjoying it. But honestly when can I just walk around in public without worrying I’m going to get called fat/whale/pig? It’s never going to stop is it unless I’m an unobtainable low weight, my frame isn’t delicate and waif like its not built to be at the lower end of the healthy bmi, it’s hard work to keep it at 24.

Im just so tired and sad. I can’t stop other peoples opinions or them from speaking their mind so I know i just have to work on ignoring it, but it’s so hard. Any advice welcome.

I think it stops when you are middle aged. I only became overweight in middle age and get left alone completely. I think because you become invisible. Hooray!

Aw I'm so sorry , what nasty little brats remarking on a stranger's appearance. I would be tempted to give them a taste of their own medicine so they might learn from it. 'Well look at your big ears sticking out or your crooked teeth' only way they'll realise how hurtful it is.
As you aren't overweight do you think they might possibly have been talking about your height as 5'10 is quite tall for a lady?

It doesn't whilst there are people who think it is acceptable to comment in this way. Do you have any stock answers to these kinds of things? I know there's a school of thought that says you shouldn't sink to their level, but a short, sharp comment that shuts them down can be useful.

That is wild that they did that. I’ve never seen it happen. I’m not saying that they didn’t but I think you’ve get really really unlucky there as the odds must be quite small. I’m sorry.

I’m assuming you don’t engage with them and ignored them. Those kids will feed off the reaction. It’s hard though.

When people I love comment on my appearance or parts of my personality I call the out immediately when people I don’t know do it I list everything in my life I’m grateful for in my head with venom. I refuse to give those people space in my head and push them out by thinking of the things and people that bring me joy.

No advice, sorry, as I am firmly of the belief that opinions are like arse holes - everyone has one but should keep it to themselves. If these people are talking out of theirs, you know what they’re talking …💩 Be the way that is right for you 💜

Well done on your weight loss. You are a fantastic example of how to be healthy for your children.
Ignore those little shits. You are amazing.
As an aside it's only now I'm 45 I am comfortable in my skin and I am still a stone overweight (it's a work in progress as my crisp & wine habit is a constant struggle!)

I’d scare them, but I am not particularly forgiving of that sort of behaviour.

Sorry that happened. You've done so well to get where you are. If you're a healthy weight, it'll be the skewed perception of kids (and a dose of meanness). Most get older and realise it's not so easy to keep the weight off.

I agree with not being 'mean' back in this situation but coolly pointing out they're just trying to be rude and they're not physically perfect either with big ears or gappy teeth to give them a little glimpse of what an unwanted physical critique feels like.

I'm struggling to accept that we live in a world where someone who is a size 12 and your height could conceivably be described by any one as overweight.

Especially given that uk average size is a 16, and, I've read somewhere, is likely soon to be 18.

Apart from the total rudeness and deliberate cheekiness of these children in making personal comments about you I agree with pp who suggested the whale reference to be most likely have been about your height.

I think it's so sad that women are buying into this pressure to make them selves as thin as possible. And this increasing normality of women calling themselves girls. Women buying into the concept that they should be as insignificant as possible and take up so little space in the world of men so their viewpoints, talents, and needs can be more easily ignored.

I want to echo a previous poster and to have some stock answers for this rudeness, like:

"Don't worry, you will get bigger as you get closer to my age."

Let them stew over this aspect of the future they got to look forward to.

Thanks everyone. Sadly it was weight and height related, as they couldn’t compare me to a whale as then they’d be calling a whale fat. Yes it was a lovely experience. I can to the conclusion very young that if I had the audacity to be tall then I have to be thin to be considered acceptable. But I’m a larger frame naturally so even at my lightest I was still
called fat, I remember at 18 my best friends boyfriend making a comment amount me being the biggest in the group, but I was wearing a size 10 top and small 12 jeans and his girl friend was in a size 14/16. It was the only time I was that weight and size too and I’d starved down to it, I managed to stay there about a month before I went back up to a solid size 12. I just look more imposing I guess, little bit like Jessie from lil mix when she got it from the media and trolls etc. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ll forever be dieting and exercising, it’ll never stop it’s a vicious cycle. Thank you for letting me vent on here though and giving advice I really don’t want to talk to any of my friends about this.

oh and no I’d don’t say anything to them as we were leaving when they said it and I didn’t want my eldest to catch on to the conversation. If I see them again I’ll have a few stock answers, also I know where two of them live so I might record it and do a drop by their parents.

Is it really worth risking your bone health just to please some 10yo, who won't even remember the conversation?

You're fine as you are. If it wasn't size, it would have been age or hair colour, they were just being insulting and you haven't got to a point where you're comfortable with who you are, given all the insult over the years. I look back at the pics of me when people were being mean and I believed them and just can't believe I swallowed all the shit. I'm big now but fit and healthy and that's the aim, being healthy not thin, fat or whatever.