I feel petty and stupid about parading my Weightloss. Should I be?

[AYSU291]

Hello,
I'm having a bit of a dilemma and was wondering if this is normal. From childbirth last year (jan24) I've lost on total over 3 stone (24kg). I didn't really notice it until around August-September when I stood on scales and realised I lost 12kg! I think the lack of sleep lack of eating busy with looking after a baby i haven't been eating as much. I've lost another 12kg since then and I've been really proud of myself to have lost weight naturally.
Now my SIL had WLS (mini bypass) in May24. She's since has lost 6 stone (she also took mounjaro when she stalled at 5 stone). She's all been bragging about her weightloss and she's so proud. I've taken interest in her weight loss it's got nothing to do with jealousy, but she has not once mentioned my weight loss. Everybody else has noticed even my BIL . But she just turns her nose up and talks about herself. I'm in no way trying to take the limelight away from her I'm not much of an attention seeker I keep myself to myself. I know she has a jealous trait because she makes everything a competition with me. So I put it to the test. I wore a fitted dress to show off my new figure (just a casual dress) and went to her house as I was invited. She looked me up and down with a dirty look then said "I lost 6 stone now I'm a size 8 I'm so proud". Not even a hello how are you. My MIL was there she said wow you look good and it's au naturalle. I said thanks mum and left it as that. She went upstairs to grab her size 8 Denim shirt jacket she got and I said oooh that's nice do you mind if I try it on? She said yeah but it might be tight on you. I said OK I just wanted to put my arm in and try....the shirt was loose on me (it's a baggy fit shirt I'm size 10 so it would easily fit a size 12) she got pissed off and said maybe the size is wrong but I am a size 8.
I know what I did was petty but I don't see why she makes everything a competition.

I've dealt with her competitive behaviour for 10 years (that's how long I've been with my partner). She gets annoyed that my FIL gets on with me. The 1st words that came out of her mouth when she 1st met me was "oh i see dad (also her FIL shes married to my partners brother) gets on better with you than with me" i just shrugged it off. I don't purposely do anything by it (apart from the fitted dress and denim shirt incident) I just know how do deal with an old fashioned old man (my FIL) because my father is the same.

Basically she's really annoying me with her competitiveness and I feel petty and stupid by stooping to her level and doing what I did with the dress and shirt. I do feel proud of myself with my weightloss but now I'm starting to feel "ashamed" because I'm turning into her with what I did. Should I be?

What a load of nonsense. She's clearly insecure or just a jealous person.

Live your life. Don't let her dictate it.

She’s very insecure, and you sound insufferably smug.

If you've got it, flaunt it

I mean this kindly op but yeah I think I'd be pretty ashamed if I'd acted in such a petty way.

You've obviously done really well and you're proud of it, but I wouldn't be commenting on your body uninvited either - that's rude. She obviously has issues with her self esteem and confidence but actually you are making it into a competition by rising to it, trying to catch her out, demanding to try on her clothes etc and your mils comment about your weight loss being "au natural" is a sly dig at your sil which is actually a bit nasty and pits you both against each other.

I think both of you just need to grow up a bit. You can't control her behaviour but you can absolutely take responsibility for your reactions to it.

that's why I feel ashamed.

Unfortunately there's more to this then just weightloss. She even made having fertility treatment/baby a competition. We both had a child via fertility root. She had a child 1st and I miscarried triplets 1st time around and she said well atleast mine worked 1st time around. I since had another go and the little one is now on my lap watching cocomelon (he's my pride and joy). She even made my sons 1st birthday party a competition. Firstly she didn't show up because she was going to a tribute concert that night (party was during the day). Then for my nephews 5th birthday she spent thousands of pounds on entertainment etc and was bragging making comments about my sons party as if my sons birthday was crap (she didnt even show up). As for the issue with my in laws and her, my FILs mother died and she didn't show up to the actual funeral but came later on to grab a doggy bag of food then went home. Her husband (BIL) is on my sofa pretty much every weekend because she wants the house to herself goes and palms my nephew off to the in laws every weekend.
Like I said there's more to it.

I'm doing SW and have lost 3.5 stone and a good friend has been using the weight loss jabs and lost over 4, we just encourage each other. I think the pair of you are as bad as each other tbh.

You clearly hate her so why do you bother spending any time with her?

I don’t know why you even care enough about this to go to the effort of putting on a fitted dress. This is all so utterly childish tbh. I’d let her crack on. People like this are annoying but the best thing to do is just ignore and nod whenever they are talking. She can say stuff, you don’t have to engage, you are just feeding the monster.

Just grey rock her.

I have a SIL that likes to make little barbs, it has more to do with her than it has to do with me. She moans about everyone. I just smile and nod. I cba to deal with anyone elses issues.

I think you've both got a lot of growing up to do, she might be voicing it but it sounds like you think you're better than her

Hi op, well done on your weight loss! She sounds really hard work don't beat yourself up, it sounds like you tolerate a lot from her and just caved in this instance. Trying on a jacket is a normal thing you'd do with friend. You feel guilty because you did it knowing it would pique her, but that's her reaction, due to her competitiveness, it's not on you. I generally hate confrontation and any bitchiness but if I'd been there it would have made me laugh. Looking at some of these reactions I thought you'd posted on aibu by mistake!

I think each person equally has issues and both need to do a lot of growing up to be perfectly honsest, I am not sure how flowery I am meant to put it so went straight to the point

I think you both need to grow up. She is rude but you aren't behaving brilliantly either.

You both sound incredibly immature. Stop acting like mean girls to each other

Your mother in law was horrible to have openly implied that your weight loss was more admirable because it’s ‘au naturelle’.

I don’t know a great deal about gastric surgery but it doesn’t seem to be an easy ride.

It all does sound a bit petty and unkind, MIL’s comment about’au naturelle’ weight loss included.

I would limit contact with your sil as you clearly don’t like her and when you see her, maintain the moral high ground!

People often don’t notice or comment on weight loss, it’s strange! I’ve lost a stone, even my DH doesn’t seem to see it but to me it’s obvious. I don’t care, I’m pleased with my progress. Another stone to go…

You sounds just as competitive, if not more so, than her. Your weight loss is not better or more impressive because you've done it 'naturally' and it sounds like you are trying to make her feel bad for having surgery and/or injections. Stop comparing yourself to others and especially your SIL. If you don't get on with her that's fine, just limit contact as much as you can and be polite and friendly enough when you see her.

You both sound as bad as each other! I feel sorry for everyone else mixed up in this.

It all sounds deeply tedious. Your SIL seems insecure and competitive and you don't sound much better. In your position I'd probably keep my distance and not get drawn in.

FWIW I was the thinnest I've ever been within six months of having each of my DC. I can't take any credit for it, it's just the way my body reacted to breastfeeding and was totally unexpected. I didn't see it as an achievement to be proud of and I didn't brag about it to anyone.

I remember I once lost a lot of weight and went shopping with a friend. There was a dress at a market that I couldn’t have contemplated before and she said she liked it and I said ‘oh you have it’. She looked at me in horror and said ‘oh it would be far too big on me’. But of course it wasn’t as we were now the same size. I was surprised at her reaction.
But by now you shouldn’t surprised at your SIL.
She obviously has issues, and your actions that day and the ‘au naturalle’ comment from your MIL was a bit mean (WLS is no walk in the park). Pull back if and do not engage with it.

You all sound ridiculously immature and superficial

She sounds really annoying. Can you see less of her? Then you won't feel the need to stoop to her level.

The only behaviour you can control here is yours. So stop being so insecure, competitive and catty.