How to stop being all or nothing

[mumof1littlebun]

I feel like I am constantly in a battle with my own head over trying to lose weight. As soon as I eat something unhealthy or eat too much I feel like I've ruined everything! I don't want to go on a 'diet' as such, I want to have a complete change of lifestyle but my head tells me that I need to eat perfectly in order to succeed. Has anyone got any tips for how to get over this way of thinking?!

Use a tracker. It will give you facts not whatever rabbithole your brain goes down. I've found it very useful.

I use my fitness pal and count it over the week not a day, so it doesn't matter if I've gone off plan one day as over the week it evens out. I've continued to use it to maintain. I also do fasting (occasionally I have a day off but on other days I'll increase from 16:8 to 20:4 to compensate). I found that I needed to find a way of eating long term rather than a diet.

I completely empathise, I'm this way too. I haven't really solved it except to try and stick to "all" which led to my weight loss. Is it a kind of perfectionism? As in: if I have this "off" day everything is ruined!

'All-or-nothing' or 'black-and-white' thinking is indeed a type of perfectionism, as a PP has noted; I've linked an article which talks about its origins and makes specific reference to dieting.

https://www.believeinmind.com/self-growth/how-to-stop-all-or-nothing-thinking/

What I've also found useful is seeing how the Pareto principle (or the 80/20 rule) applies to so much in life: the idea that we wear 20% of our wardrobe 80% of the time; 80% of retail profits from 20% of clients. This extends to dieting: eat well 80% of the time. There has to be some latitude built in to any system.

I am exactly the same. One slip and that is the day ruined in my mind so I might as well eat everything and anything I want after that.
I am trying to keep reminding myself that it is overall calories for a week that will affect my weekly weigh in not just a few hundred calories on one occasion that matters.
I am generally very unforgiving of any mistakes I make in life and really castigate myself about them which is not helpful.
I think a lifetime of conditioning that foods are “good” or “bad” and all the shaming that being fat is given is part of the problem.

Try slimpod it helps to retrain the diet mentality. It helped me

It is hard to let go of all of nothing thinking.

I try to focus on hunger and mostly eating healthily based on the idea :you are what you do most of the time'

I also eat healthy foods first and anything less healthy at the end of the meal when I'm no longer hungry which reduces how much I eat of them and how mu body processes it.

I'm happy if I'm maintaining or trending down. I don't place ridiculous expectations on myself because that's never ended well for me.

Habit by habit I try to establish way of living that will be ongoing rather than the idea of being on or off a diet.

Another aspect that's just occurred to me is that "all or nothing thinking" is a way of kidding ourselves. Why? Because we get to tell ourselves our standards are very high, but when we break the rules and drop everything because it's been "ruined", we're then released from the obligation. The more difficult thing to do would be to carry on regardless of the slip-up.

Back in the day I tried Paul McKenna’s ‘I can make you thin’ tapes and I believe some of that thinking has stayed with me for years. (Once famous hypnotist that seems to have gone quiet now).
You can pick up a set on eBay easily. Good to help with the mental side of overeating.

You cant change what you have just eaten, but you can change your next meal

I have family around me who say to me well you might as well now seeing as you just scoffed this that or the other and for years I listened to that, plus my own inner me

Now I say feck it, make the next meal count

Most weeks I get 5 days without falling of the band wagon, some weeks Im really lucky and get 7 , I aim for 6. Even just 5 days of eating healthily , with a calorie deficit, means I still lose or maintain. Losses are small - 1/2lb to 2lb a week, but thats ok for me, its a loss, I dont feel like Im depriving myself and when I have feasted from the biscuit barrel at midnight, I can wash my hands and start again the following day. I probably eat a back to front 5:2 diet where as I calorie control to a deficit for 5 days and tend to go over for 2

Its learning to draw the line, learning to say well ok that was a tad OTT, but its happened, lets move on

I found the Fitness Chef book really useful. I listen to it on audio book and he talks a lot of sense ( calorie deficit over time) and also about how to keep on track and not to let one slip up stop you. I've found it brilliant and it's really helping keep my head in the game.

I think it would be useful to take a step back and realise which part of the day triggers more intense cravings. For me, it's lunch time and I want it at 11am. I get major hangry. So I allocate most of my calories for that slot (maybe 500 to 600) and then balance out the rest over the day.

I use Samsung Health, and my advised target is around 1650 calories a day. I can comfortably manage on 1450 to 1500 calories without feeling deprived but its nice to know I have a little buffer. I managed to lose weight over the weekend despite no exercise which is a big thing for me.