Unsupportive people during weight loss

[spicedonion]

My starting weight was 16st9, I'm now 15st12. I'm at the start of my journey and I would like to lose 6 stone. I'm calorie counting and it's sticking, I love it.
I'm also going to the gym but I solo parent through the week and work the weekends when dh is home. Needs must. Getting to the gym is very difficult, I can manage the weekends after work and on a Thursday when my 2 year old is in childcare. But I love it when I can go.
I mentioned to my mum today that I've lost 11lb and she snapped my head off saying that she's heard it before, I never stick to anything and always back track. She said I don't go to the gym enough and told me to go when my dd is at nursery. Yeah but I'm working then solo parenting on those days so it's not that easy.
I just felt hurt. Like she was saying, you'll never do it so don't bother.
I'm also hurt because I'm spinning lots of plates on a day to day basis. Life at home with the kids and working is hard! I'm just getting the hang of it and she's put me down.

I know it's hard OP, but please just ignore her and carry on...you're doing brilliantly.

Unfortunately, some people don't like when others change - it makes them uncomfortable. For whatever reason, she doesn't like the idea of you doing this, so feels the need to dismiss it. That's her problem, don't take it on.

It's difficult because I know you probably want her approval and support, but she has shown that she won't be giving it, so you need to be your own support and just keep going.

Well done!

Well done on your loss. I’ve heard all this too - hopefully you will be spared from people telling you that you will have saggy boobs and a wrinkly face - as yes people often have no filter and there are some who are just unsupportive, which is crap. Let them spur you on as motivation! Keep going

If it makes you feel better loads of us here do not go to gyms, we walk and do workouts at home. I am also busy with life and can’t get to a gym and I’ve lost weight - exercise IS good but it doesn’t have to be in a gym if you are short on time.

Well done on your weight loss, try to ignore your mum. most of weight loss is due to eating not exercise, so provided you Eat healthily you can still do it.

@spicedonion Firstly, a huge well done on your weight loss so far, that's a fantastic start and be proud of yourself.

Unfortunately, people are often not as supportive as we would like/unsupportive when losing weight for all sorts of reasons, and can give really unhelpful and unrealistic "advice".

From experience, I found the best thing to do was to not talk about it and just do it. As you start to look even more fabulous than you do already, you'll probably find some people cheering you on and wanting to know what you did, and others saying you are too thin, it doesn't suit you, and offering you chips etc. Those who do the latter usually have their own issues - one person admitted to me that my change to a healthy diet showed up her less than perfect diet which led to barbed comments about all the healthy stuff I was eating. Isn't it funny how no-one ever says anything when you are eating pizza and chips etc?!

Maybe share on here your fantastic journey. I'd genuinely be really interested to hear it and I'm sure you will find many cheerleaders on here.

You got this! xxx

Forgot to say, I've heard it said you can't out exercise a bad diet, so focus on nutrition first. Just do what exercise you can when you can. They say the best exercise is the one that you will do. It doesn't have to be a gym. Lucy Wyndham Read has some short exercise sessions on Youtube that you might be able to fit in to a busy life. I love her!

Take it as a challenge to prove her wrong. I've always found its best not to talk about it too. Just ignore her. You're doing it for you, not her. Maybe find a supportive weightless group on FB if you want to share or get support.

And we'll done so far. That a great achievement. Don't let her spoil it for you.

And also, for the days you can't make the gym, there are lots of exercise videos on youtube for whatever length of time you can spare. I found even 5 or 10 mins a day can make all the difference.

Reap that satisfaction when you prove her wrong!

The problem is you mentioned it to your mum.

When I have lost weight in the past, I have found it best to just not say anything to anyone and if people notice I just brush it off.

"yeah, I've lost a bit..." (change subject) - "so what's the weather doing today? How's your son?" blah blah.

If they persist on asking me how much I've lost, how I've done it etc, I just say I don't weigh myself but I eat less and move more, and basically close down the conversation

I prefer to just not talk about it for all the reasons you say.

Something I was told when I was on my weight loss journey (or I should say, one of them!) - keep your mouth closed - that is don't eat so much, but also don't tell people, that way they can't, consciously or unconsciously, sabotage your efforts. It's very disappointing that your mum isn't supportive but use that to prove her wrong, don't slip back into old habits, keep going you're doing great. It may take longer than you'd like but remember how far you've come and how good you feel and that you don't want to go back to the old you. If all else fails, remember a group of Internet strangers are proud of you and will support you.

You are all a lovely bunch thank you so much. I've stopped talking about it and quietly celebrate myself. Another 2lb off this week so that's 12lb now. Just another 5 stone and 2lb to go.

I completely understand what you are saying. I hold my hands up to being someone who yo yos and goes through phases of losing weight/ being healthier and then not… but I know I do it and I am trying to be more consistent. I’ve also shifted my focus from losing weight to being fitter/ healthier… however I am my own worse critic and I don’t need others (mainly my mum) making unhelpful comments! I’ve learnt to share what am doing with the people that are my cheerleaders (mainly my boyfriend/ daughter/ friends who enjoy exercise) and ignore the others!

Well done OP! I’m on the same journey, I’ve tried before but wasn’t eating too well just at the gym a lot. I lost my motivation pretty quickly for that (hate exercising!). So now I calorie count and walk EVERYWHERE!! If your DD is nursery age I’d definitely suggest sticking her in the buggy and heading out, an hour a day walking is so good for you and it will definitely help with weight loss.

You are doing brilliantly! Well done 😊 remember you are doing this for you and don't need validation from anyone else. People will have all sorts of reactions to your weight loss as it will bring up a lot of their own issues. Your mother's criticism is unfair and unhelpful but is probably more about her own issues and she's turning it around on you. Don't discuss it with her anymore, limit your contact with her and keep doing what you're doing 👍

Just KOKO with what you are doing, without opening up to the misery-guts who try to sabotage your efforts.

I concur with PPs that home exercising is great, and Lucy Wyndham Read is excellent for beginners. Most of her workouts are very short, often 10 minutes or less, and she is very calm, which is really helpful if life is hectic.

You are doing amazing! I need your motivation!

In regards to exercise, could you buy a set of dumbbells and maybe do 20 minutes a day workout? When I was away from my gym for several weeks for work, I used to do a short routine everyday. Eg. 50 squats, 50 lunges, a few 1 min wall sits, 50 ladybugs, 50 shoulder presses. Sometimes, I would do them throughout the day if I was busy.

No dont do this

When you get into the mindset of losing weight to either gain approval, or put two fingers up to someone else you are essential acting in retaliation to someone or as a reaction to someone else. You're not really doing it for you

OP, dont talk to people who are going to be unsupportive and also there is no need to share it with anyone, its for you, have the conversation and validation from yourself.

Is she also overweight OP, I find fat people dont want other people to lose weight

U need to get yr nutrition right, u would need to exercise for 7 hrs full pelt to lose 1 lb.
If u have yo-yo dieted that’s y others think u can’t do it, just get on with it and prove them wrong.

Honestly, use it as fuel, Fk her and prove her wrong.

I have lost 7.8 stone now and have another 2 stone left, i have plated hard multiple times but i kept going even after every guilty binge i did when it wasn't going my way i got right back on it, on this last stretch i had to go a little more dramatic to get past my plateau so now walk 10k steps a day ( wish i could do more but i work from home and sit a lot) and i eat what i call my weight loss soup every day for lunch and whenever I'm hungry.

Its tough losing weight but so many people don't understand the struggle, keep going because every lb is a healthier you.

Huge congratulations on what you’ve achieved.
You’re doing the right thing building it into your life in a way that actually works for you.
Use it to fire you up and prove her wrong. Don’t mention your weight to her again, just keep doing what you’re doing.

there are loads of free workouts on Joe wicks YouTube account so when you can’t get to the gym then do one of those at home.
ignore mood hoovers who suck the joy. They are just jealous that you are making changes and getting confident

Well done you! The best thing I did with negative comments on my weight loss was to use it as motivation to prove them wrong.
I also planned a make over for 3 months time. I ordered new clothes a dress size down and booked in for my nails, brow lamination a lash lift and a hair trim (I don't normally have these except a trim) I stuck to my diet and had a big reward. I felt amazing after and it kept me motivated to keep the weight off. Keep going. Prove them wrong ❤️

Congratulations on your weightloss so far. I need to do the same but am really struggling.
Please ignore your mum. Sounds like you are in the right head space to do this now so carry on and don't update her, just do it. And prove her wrong x