weight gain/cant stop eating/hate how I look/don't want friends to see me - how do I change ? please help

[itsmynightoff]

I've gained a good stone in recent months. I cannot stop eating. Food is all I think about from morning to night. I am surrounded by food. Friends and family wanting meals out/inviting me round for dinner/most nights out revolving around food. If there is food then I will eat and eat until I am uncomfortable.

I hate the weight gain. I hate how I look. But I still eat non-stop. I don't want to see friends, who I have not seen for a while, as I am embarrassed by the weight gain. I have (had) a great figure, I am slowly ruining it. I used to go the gym a lot but have lost interest.

I eat because it feels good
I eat because I am bored
I eat because the food is there

I hate food and what it does to me. But at the same time I love food.

What is wrong with me ? how can I stop all the eating ? how can I get back into exercise ? how can I mentally get back into exercise again ?

I'm so very very sad.

Drink a glass of water before you eat anything

It sounds like you may be using food as a bit of a crutch for emotional stuff. What else is going on for you?

What's changed in the last few months?

I have some health anxiety which could potentially turn my world upside down. The health issues are a huge worry, but they may never materialise and I could have spent months and months - or even several years - worrying for nothing to actually happen. I cannot elaborate further as it's potentially outting.

I used to do loads of gym work - I loved it - but it was exhausting trying to fit it all in and work FT and run the house/sort DC etc. I was chasing my tail in my work and home life, while working out loads. Every gym work out requires a full hair wash after, otherwise I look like total crap. It takes so long to blow dry my hair as so it's very long. I just don't have the time/patience for this.

I've lost all my motivation/mojo for diet and fitness. I am desperate to get it back.

I feel disgustingly unattractive to my DH. Embarrassed in front of friends I have not seen for a while. I don't want to go on holiday (we are going away in 2 weeks time, its a beach holiday. DH has lots of restaurants planned). I usually love my holidays. I don't want to go into the office due to my current size.

I was in a very similar situation recently, so I completely sympathise with you. I had gestational diabetes in my first pregnancy and was very restricted in what I could eat, so after the birth, I spiralled into a life of binge eating. I gained around 3 stone. When I fell pregnant again I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes for a second time, so again, was restricted on what I could eat and actually lost a significant amount of weight during pregnancy. I was determined not to fall back into binge eating/over eating and for a while managed, but it soon caught up with me. At the start of this year, something in me clicked that I couldn't carry on being this unhappy with myself, and the binge eating and over eating had to stop. It has been difficult, but the only way I have managed is by not giving into the cravings and urges to binge. By resisting each time, you are essentially re-wiring your brain. I follow Lorna Costa on FB and Instagram, who posts some really helpful advice on this. I've lost over a stone so far and feeling much happier about my relationship with food.

I was in a similar situation recently, massively comfort eating. Knew I was over eating, making terrible food choices but it was making me happier because of the endorphins it released.

I had an epiphany moment where I said it had to stop, I had one last binge and then said no more. I've stopped buying the foods I was over eating, and really scaled down my daily diet to simple foods that j like but won't over indulge on.

I know it's trivial but - get a more manageable hair cut?

I was chasing my tail in my work and home life,

Was?
Do you still work outside of the home?
Is it boredom based 'hunger'?

It's not easy for those of us who eat their emotions, no matter how hard we try, it's a cycle that's hard to break, try as I might I just can't seem to stop eating either ... and it's not always the healthier foods I choose.

Years ago I tried a slimming club with much success, felt great being at a size and able to walk into any clothes shop and fit into the clothing on offer, then ill health knocked me back, and the weight came back and then some.

For a few years I've tried going back to different slimming clubs but just couldn't seem to get motivated.

Weight has piled on, still is, I feel so uncomfortable, I feel so down some days and eat because I feel that way, yet it's those very foods that are making me feel uncomfortable.

Only we can find what works for us, I know I need to keep more active and busy, keeping my mind off of food, try to keep plodding on during the day but carrying the extra weight doesn't help or make it any easier, vicious circle.

I used to smoke but once I'd lost my extra weight previously my next battle was to be getting off of the ciggies, which I'd had endless attempts at.
Took a few tries but 17 years later and I haven't touched another one and never want to, but cigarettes aren't a necessity in life, food is, I've tried not buying the foods that are calorie heavy, nutrition not so but restricting myself isn't the answer.

I think we all know what to do but for whatever reason just can't get there.

Sorry, rather taken over your thread..

No help to your question I know, if I had the answer I'd bottle it and give it away free.

Oh OP it all sounds hard. It’s very difficult when we’re juggling a big mental load. I’ve recently put on weight, no idea how much as I can’t bear to weigh myself, but my clothes are too tight suddenly. I’ve had to remove all tempting items from the house and be strict about the only eating when I say I will. It’s not easy and I don’t like that it comes from a place of self loathing.

Is there anything you could do to boost your confidence? Looking practically at food consumption is the place to start but you also could do with looking at how you can be kinder to yourself and boosting your self confidence outside of your body concerns.

I'm in the same boat. The added weight has made my knee painful, so I'm making changes. I figured that because I love food far too much, I'd focus on buying and making delicious healthy food, rather than cutting back (ignoring the cost for a while).

Also I've bought some bigger shorts in the sales, as I think wearing too small clothes affects my self esteem, and low self esteem makes me want to eat junk!

Ok it’s good you have recognised that you are eating your emotions and are very stressed. The food is a symptom of how you are feeling because you aren’t getting the right help for your anxiety and stress, you really do need to start there.

It is no good adding a new stress in by taking away your one coping mechanism (food) straight away.

The concept of one step at a time is so apt and we don’t listen to how important this is. You can’t wake up and solve everything in one day. You need to take a big breath and a step back and look at what is going on. Identify areas you need to ask for help, and where you can ask for help. Is your partner helping enough at home? Can you seek some support for your anxiety?

I have been here and I was also eating my stress and anxiety. I was able to stop by addressing the underlying causes. Not by a fad diet or dramatic life change, little tiny steps. You have forgotten how to care for yourself so you need to learn how to do it again

Write down a list of what is causing you stress and try to find a possible to write next to each one. Work out how important each one is

then also write a list of all the good things about yourself and what you have in your life and how important they are to you.

Then work through your list little by little step by step - asking for help and support if you need to

❤️

Thanks for all the replies. Hugs to those who are also struggling.

Everyday I say to myself that this is going to be the last day. I kid myself that I will enjoy a pig out of my favourite naughty things and then that is it, but I say this every day, We do a weekly shop, DH and DC have snacks/treats in the house. I eat all their treats, they end up buying more in the week. I pinch off their plates and often before it has even got to their plates. I eat all the food in the cupboard. I am the first in the group to eat when I go out with friends. If we get takeaway, I eat mine and then go back into the kitchen to 'put my plate in the dishwasher' but I am really shovelling in the leftovers, despite the fact I am full.

I am totally embarrassed by how greedy I am. I see being greedy as an ugly trait.

I pick at the kids leftover birthday cake, which has been left to cut some more for another day. I am even picking out of the pan/saucepan while DH is cooking and his back is turned. I eat/pick at food while I am waiting for my dinner to cook. I am too greedy to even wait 30 minutes for the food to be ready.

I am about to go away on holiday. DH has been going on about all the restaurants he wants to go to and the bakeries with their 'fantastic cakes'. I feel like I am constantly being led towards food either through invites out with/to fiends, DH going on about dinner/food, DH & DC having treats in the house (I cant deny them of these just because I can't control myself).

I hate food and how it makes me feel and look but I love food.

I need to be stronger with self discipline and control. No matter it takes.

I was in a similar position 18 months ago, and a health scare gave me a real kick up the bum. I lost a stone and a half - still a stone to go but I'm in a much better position. I'm in my 50s so it is harder to lose I think - but I needed that kick.

Honestly, I stopped eating shit, and started buying and eating veg, straightforward protein and wholemeal carbs. More salads, less chocolate, drank less alcohol. It's a bit 80/20 - but that's OK.

Start treating your body well....it's the only one you've got!

You should know, you are not greedy. The food is designed to make us buy and eat it without restraint. Our biological wiring has been hijacked by food companies, food culture, and stress. It's not your fault. At all. My recommendation is to look into the glucose goddess. Her method is about changing the order of what we eat, eating vegetables first, then protein, then carbohydrates last, and having a savoury breakfast. This will help with cravings. The main non-food related item to look at is sleep. Make sure you're in bed by 10pm every single night (try it for two weeks and see how you feel, then make it permanent and your priority). Small adjustments are the way to go, particularly without having to spend any money.

@BigDahliaFan I would like to have things like home made spinach smoothies, salads with fish and lean meats. Clean, fresh food full of colour and nutrients. The problem I have is the treats/junk/snacks are too easy to just grab. Home clean, fresh food takes time to prep and make.

I feel like my holiday is ruined before it has even started, I wont enjoy myself as much with my current size. I know I will spend my time around the pool, beach etc looking at slimmer women in pure envy. Oddly, I don't eat crap on holiday and instead I prefer local fruit, salads and fish. I don't want to see 1 chip on my plate, ever when abroad. I can get that rubbish at home. I don't really do deserts or burgers and I would never by a chocolate bar or crisps abroad, simply because being in the sun and outdoors with lots of swimming and walking makes me want to eat clean and fresh. Maybe the holiday will set a precedence and this is the turning point. I wont have any junk/crap for 2 weeks and carbs will be v v minimal. That needs to continue post the holiday as the taste for it should have massively subsided after 2 weeks, I hope.

Okay, stop with the 'greedy' language for a start! Imagine this was your DH that couldn't stop eating. Would you post your last update using that language about him? Would you say it like that to his face? And if you did, would you expect him to just 'snap out of it'?

Hell no. But that's the way you're talking to yourself, berating yourself and calling yourself names... as if you're going to somehow bully yourself into eating better?

Honestly, it's no wonder you're feeling out of control. Right now, start treating yourself as you would your best friend or your DH. That inner voice is absolutely not helping you!

I hate food and what it does to me

This has to be the first thing to focus on, changing your attitude to food. Food is there to nourish your body.

Secondly, be kinder to yourself please 💐

What is wrong with me ? - nothing

how can I stop all the eating ? - Take the pressure off yourself. Throw away the ultra processed foods, take time to make yourself a nice meal/meal plan. Buy good quality snacks. Don't deprive yourself. Make the best choice you can.

how can I get back into exercise ? - do exercise you enjoy. Ask a friend to go for a walk and grab a coffee. Even a walk around town for an hour or two whilst browsing shops is good exercise. Exercise doesn't just take place at the gym.

how can I mentally get back into exercise again ? - be kind to yourself, think of the bigger picture (better health and longevity), wear decent shoes so you're comfortable to make that extra effort when out and about like taking the stairs instead of the lift or walking a longer route etc.

I'm sorry you are sad. It's so crap getting into a rut. Take one meal, one day at a time without pressure. Make the best choice for yourself that you can at the time. You'll see the sunshine again soon 💛

Oddly, I don't eat crap on holiday and instead I prefer local fruit, salads and fish. I don't want to see 1 chip on my plate, ever when abroad.

This can be so true.
I've been on a few cruise holidays, and a few hotel ones, and literally every meal was catered for with an array of different foods.
It's the self catering holidays that go a but skiwiff.

For me it was the fact that everything had been prepared and especially the fruits look wonderful all laid out, cut ready to eat, set next to yogurts.

A good selection of salad items, many that can be bought in the UK but somehow seem to take an age to prepare, when infact they probably don't so its just a lettuce, cucumber, tomato job back home.

Fruit never seems to smell or taste as nice as when abroad...
I remember being in Spain once and you could smell the strawberries from the market long before you spotted them.

On the back of your post OP I've been out today and restocked with some fruit, veg and importantly some thought put into meals for the next few days, I'm really going to give it a go and eat those items as opposed to giving them to the compost bin, like I always do.

@itsmynightoff you are still looking at this from the perspective of blaming yourself and making it all about how you are a failure. You need to address your stress and the poor relationship you have with yourself - not the food. You speak to yourself and about yourself very badly. You are unkind about yourself. Being thinner wouldn’t make you like yourself more, you have to learn how to be kinder to yourself and take care of yourself emotionally. It’s not about willpower!

You are desperately searching for a switch somewhere to turn off all your thoughts and suddenly click into your life being different but that isn’t how it works. You need to identify the areas you can make changes to improve your life overall. This is what you use food for, but it doesn’t work. You are using food to fill in the gaps that therapy/counselling would help with but they are painful to face so it’s easier to hide. I do think you need to speak to a professional. It is not realistic to make all these changes overnight and then you just keep going in a cycle of falling off the wagon and not liking yourself more.

Eating well is one part of living a healthy lifestyle - taking care of yourself emotionally is probably the hardest and most important first step to get to where you want to be. Eating well/losing weight is taking care of yourself. But you don’t think you deserve it, which is sad. You do. Can you speak to someone as I can see how stressed and out of control you feel from your post

this might be useful

www.dbth.nhs.uk/document/emotional-overeating/