Improving your willpower? How do you do it?

[blueshadesintheroom]

I've finally found an eating plan that is sustainable for me. If I follow it, I'm rarely hungry and I lose weight too. My problem is, sticking with it!

I have this emotional relationship with good where I believe that if I've been 'good' all week, I 'deserve' a treat so I take a night off, have some wine, cook up a storm. The next day (as a result), I have the munchies and by the time the weekend is over, I've undone my successes.

Feel totally stuck in a trap with this! I feel like I should just be able to say on a Friday, 'no I'm not going to do it' and stick with that but it's like an enormous willpower battle in my head. It's probably neural pathways etc and years of 'learned' behaviour.

Does anyone have any tips for riding through this and sticking with a good healthy plan, without constantly jumping on and off? It's kinda exhausting!

I hear you op, I'm watching this thread with interest.

My relationship with food is similar to yours, if I'm happy I celebrate with food, if I have something to celebrate such as a new job we go out for something to eat, if I'm sad I'll treat myself with a cake, if I'm stressed, I'll eat, if I'm on holiday I'll use that as an excuse to eat, if I'm at work I'm too busy so I'll just grab a sandwich or something off plan.. It's infuriating as I know exactly what to do, and sometimes I'll have prepared the food and it will be sat ready and waiting for me in the fridge to eat. But sticking to it is a different matter.

I do not believe in willpower as it indicates that people are either weak or strong and this is not true.

Willpower is not what you think it is. It’s just motivation. You are motivated to lose weight but you are also motivated to use your typical habit of alcohol and food as a reward to relax.

Yes you need to detach yourself from using food as a reward. You need to reward yourself in another way. Don’t drink the wine.. it always leads to eating more. I would say until you feel more in control of yourself, avoid alcohol for a while and try find other things to do when you get this ‘I need to unwind’ feeling. You could: have a bubble bath, go for a walk, take up a hobby, declutter your kitchen 😂, paint your nails, read a book.

To be honest try one weekend of no alcohol and tell me you don’t feel better, lighter, less groggy, happier, less sluggish. You need to start chasing this feeling of feeling GOOD waking up in the morning. The alcohol relax/unwind pattern is actually anything but relaxing to be honest.. it ends up giving you more stress in the longer term

I’ve been thinking about this… I do have quite good willpower (or motivation) generally, depending on what the goal is. For now, I am trying to lose weight and get fit because I’m going on an activity holiday abroad next month. I really don’t want to be the worst person in the group!

So at the moment, I can avoid the milk chocolate biscuits in the snack cupboard that my husband puts there and convince myself that I don’t actually like them very much (which is true, I prefer dark chocolate!) So if I’m trying to eat well, I just don’t buy the ones (dark chocolate) that I DO like.

The same with wine. For me, white wine has to be cold before I’ll drink it, so if I don’t buy any (or, don’t put it in the fridge), I convince myself I won’t enjoy it, and therefore don’t reach for it.

Sometimes I can have one glass of wine, then have a conversation with myself… “Do I REALLY, REALLY need another glass, or will a herbal tea do instead?” Mostly, the herbal tea and a treat like settling down with a good book wins.

Also, I frequently recall something that a supermodel said - “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”. Which quite often works for me!

I would say, find another reward. For example Ive trained myself to buy home improvement magazines instead of chocolate as a treat. Yes, it's considerably pricier but in the long-term it's stopped me associating sweets, chocolate, alcohol with reward.
Also cooking up a storm could be for others and you could make a point of giving yourself an incredibly complicated but healthy alternative...ie meal consisting of very subtle and special flavours like sesame oil or sunflower seeds, beautiful colours etc, just NOT white carb/sugar. It could take ages to cook and ages to eat but still be healthy for your meal plan.

The same with alcohol...I don't drink now but if you have a beautiful glass and a fancy bottle of sparkling water it can feel like a treat too. Cawston sparkling rhubarb is good too in initial weaning off alcohol. But now I have no sugar so I avoid that too.

I really recognise this!
a couple of things I sometimes put into practice….:

• have realistic expectations of my stock of willpower - willpower is kind of finite. If I’m using it on not killing dh for yet again waking me up with his snoring, not shouting at my stressed out gcse taking daughter etc there is simply less available
• recognising some things really have disproportionate impact on my self control - crisps, milk chocolate etc. So if I’m going to resist extending my ‘treat’ for more than one session I have to have a reasonable stock of willpower. If I’m already depleted I know I just don’t have the strength for that treat - whereas things I find easier to resist - alcohol etc I can go ahead with

not sure that makes any sense or helps!