Willpower is horrendous

[WheresMyWillpower]

Hi
I am 5'10 and 81kg, which isn't huge but my BMI is overweight and I don't really like how I look. My problem is that I have no willpower at all, and when I do it's extremely short lived. I get enthusiastic and feel great but it doesn't even last a day or perhaps it'll last a few days and then it's ruined. I was good for about four days last week and lost 1.2lbs in those four days but then I just crumble and put on more. I really struggle to stick to anything I feel like a failure and unhappy but nothing is enough for me to stick to anything.
I am active. I have a 2 year old and work and I often hit 9,000 steps minimum which I feel is okay. I am tired fairly often so this doesn't help the food situation. I just want to feel good in myself I'm going on holiday in just under two months and want to feel comfortable then.
Any motivation tips?
How to stick to anything??

My first question is what are you eating for those 4 days that’s so hard to stick to? Are you going for it with a really intense low calorie option that’s no sustainable in the first place, rather than trying to make small, sensible changes?

So I think I ate fairly well. I'd have peanut butter on toast, soup and bread, butternut squash risotto for example and snack on dark chocolate if I wanted something sweet or breadsticks and dip. I don't think that's too strict. I think I crumble and eat a cake or something sweet and then I get stuck eating unhealthy and think oh it doesn't matter and impulsively eat whatever I fancy. It's a nightmare!!

If I try to 'ban' myself from certain things I inevitably give in and find the all or nothing approach is unhelpful for me.

What's working for me at the moment is tracking calories and generally trying to eat smaller portions / more veg / less takeaway, but I will still have treats when I really fancy it. For example it was my birthday and I had lots of food / meal out / cake but just had less / healthier food the following day.

This way I don't feel deprived but am healthier overall and the tracking helps me be more aware of how much things really are calorie-wise.

Not having crap in the house helps too - if I really want a treat I have to go out and get it specifically.

Good luck.

Cross posted but also I think try and challenge the idea that one piece of cake means your diet is ruined - just get back to it and remind yourself why you want to do it. It's not easy this is why so many people struggle, so you're not alone!

I'm your height older and much fatter. I think you are doing brilliantly so stop thinking of yourself as very overweight.
I've personally found that snacks of any sort make the difference between putting on weight and maintaining, losing it.

So always having three meals, avoiding pudding and not especially diet ones, just meals and completely and utterly cutting out the snacks has immediately caused 2 kg to drop off.

It's hard for four days but if you just never ever eat between meals and know there is a nice meal with lots of veg ahead you can put up with it, and slowly the snacking compulsion goes.even bread sticks and dark choc and hummus or nuts or oatcakes have an unfortunate way of escalating AS SNACKS. Two weeks in I've stopped wanting to pick.
Meals at 8, 1 and 7.30pm. tea and coffee and water in between no fruit or anything in between

So I might have a slice of whole bread with my meal, or as part of meal, ditto square of dark choc. The aim is to leave the table feeling relatively satisfied so you don't feel deprived enough to snack. And then the challenge is just to hold out until next meal.

Be kind to yourself, give yourself other treats ,(music, book, film, views, friend) which arent food or drink ....it's hard work with a two year old and you shouldn't criticise yourself or belittle yourself. But food isn't the only thing that defines us.

I'm not a dietician but the daily menu you describe in your post seems to be carbohydrate heavy. You might find that a diet with more protein and less carbs would be more filling and easier to stick to.

It’s not about willpower this is not a thing, it’s motivation that keeps you going. you HAVE to sleep more and be kinder to yourself, try get early nights. You also don’t need to write off a whole day of eating just from a bit of cake. This mindset is self sabotaging you because you feel like you are in a constant state of failure. You can break this by firstly stop buying things you know will set you off onto a spiral and secondly really start to be nicer to yourself. You are not a failure and you aren’t a bad person. You can start a new day again and try to move past whatever happened yesterday or earlier on, we all struggle in the first few weeks of any new change.