Obese Dp and I'm trying to lose weight

[NotMyFaultIndeed]

When I met Dp I was a healthy weight and so was he. Unfortunately I got long covid last year and since September last year I haven't been able to exercise and I've put on around 6kg and my cholesterol has spiked. I've agreed with the doctor that I will try and lower it with my diet first (as I have done this before and it worked). None of my work clothes fit and I really need to get the weight off!

Unfortunately Dp piled on the weight in Covid times. He's now about 30 kg overweight and in the obese category.

He went away a few weeks ago and we agreed that when he came back we would both go on a diet. But he is sat next to me eating liquorice all sorts and smarties. He also brought back a load of nuts from his travels and keeps eating them by the handful. Because I can't exercise, the only way I can lose weight is by eating less but I'm finding it almost impossible to do so when dp is pigging out next to me.

I know I need more willpower but does anyone have any tips for this? I don't struggle to lose weight but I'm definitely not going to be losing weight if I keep giving in to snack temptations which are literally right in front of me!!

He’s trying to sabotage you so he feels better about his own inaction. New rule, no eating snacks in front of you. If that means he leaves the room then so be it.

my dh is currently supporting my weight loss and only snacks in front of me if I get snacks first (snacks that are placed into my calories for the day).

My DP is the same and he was sabotaging me for ages until I got really cross and sat him down and explained I wasn’t happy about it. I started eating separately from him all the time and leaving the room when he was eating a lot of these snacks. Now he does it when I am not there and eats what I eat when I am around, I don’t mind if he wants to do this but he was also saying things to me like oh just have a little bit, or buying things he knew I really liked. This annoyed the crap out of me.

I stuck to my guns I was so determined and I’ve lost 30kg and he still has about 20kg to lose to get out of the obese range, he’s just not motivated but at least now he takes me seriously and if I say no to something he doesn’t keep asking or eating a lot of snacks in front of me.

He isn’t impressed with some of my dinners though that I make, or my snacks. I made us a crumble free apple dish (cooked apples with cinnamon and Greek yoghurt) and all he banged on about was that it was not as nice as crumble and custard, I was like oh no shit Sherlock 😂😂 or when I make him some salmon and rice dish he says he is still hungry after the meal.

I know my DP isn’t trying to annoy me on purpose but he is miserable about his weight but not actually ready to change it. He is at least eating better foods now some of the time. My DP can get quite depressed and uses food as his coping strategy so I do encourage him to get some professional help

This is not about willpower ok, it’s motivation - you have a clear goal and motivation of your health, don’t allow his bad habits to derail you, when he gets this stuff out you can go do something else perhaps.

You are no longer his partner in crime to eat the food with him so he might struggle to adapt but you have to explain how much this means to you and that you need his support.

Thanks both - that's so useful, I had honestly not thought of it that way. But you're both right, that's exactly what he's doing.

@Menora 😂😂 at the crumble

He has fallen asleep on the couch so I am going to have a word with him when he's awake. Luckily I work in an office all week so that makes it easier! I also think he's really unhappy about his weight but not ready to do anything yet (which I do get!).

@Menora congrats on your weight loss btw! Seriously impressive

Yeah I also made the ‘crumble’ 3 days in a row to make a point and now he doesn’t say it anymore 😂😂

Can you find a common goal that requires you both to eat better? Not weight loss, but for instance health-related. Or fulfilling a dream of running a marathon, climbing the Matterhorn, whatever.

My DH was an evening snacked but once we both decided to clean our diets we managed to stick to eating really well for the last couple of years. He still sometimes has a snack in the evening but it’s usually just once or twice a month. We also agreed that we would not keep a stash of snacks at home. We have not done this to lose weight, we have a goal we share and it kind of happens naturally that we both work towards it.

It’s also good to admit that nobody’s perfect and it’s perfectly fine to eat well just 80% of the time. Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean you are never allowed to touch snacks, get a takeaway or have some wine.