Food is the only thing that brings me some happiness

[Drearydiedre]

Can anyone relate to this?

I've had depression before. I'm off medication now and doing much better. Part of my struggle was dealing with a stressful job in a toxic workplace and not seeing my young children enough so I've made massive changes to my life. I work part time and am now a lot happier but the flip side is that I am not busy (or stressed!) in the same way and most of what I do feels like drudgery.

My time is mainly spent looking after my children or my elderly parents. I love my kids and have no regrets making this needed change to our family life but my days are full of arguments and children begging for screen time or Easter eggs and then phone calls from confused parents. I've worked so hard on my mental health and do all the things I'm meant to like exercise and hobbies which I squeeze in when I can but my days are so long.

To give an example today I thought we could all do with some exercise. Took the kids on a walk when it finally stopped raining. Much eye rolling and protesting as we left the house. Constant moaning on the walk. Kids disagreed about which way we could go. Youngest nearly fell in a river. While in the past this outing might have brought me the little bit of pleasure in my day that I needed, my children literally sucked all enjoyment from it. I returned home and devoured another Easter egg because, much as I want to be thin, I need something that will instantly make me happy. I do the same after seeing my parents, I literally eat an entire packet of biscuits on the way home as a way of rewarding myself for getting through a difficult visit.

I gave up drinking for this reason. I had started having a glass of wine as soon as everyone was in bed. I didn't find it hard to give up but junk food is another level of hard. I think I'm struggling to know what I would replace it with. Like today with the stressful walk, when we all got home and I felt pretty annoyed with everyone's behaviour. How does everyone else cope with their lives being taken over by other people? I really don't know how to do it without food.

I don't struggle with eating healthy meals or exercising. It's these little 'rewards' that I need to lose!

Same here! Crisps/toast rather than biscuits or chocolate eggs for me, but the principle is the same. Snacky food as reward. When people say “treat yourself to a bubble bath/manicure/new book instead” I don’t know what to say because it’s so difficult to give up emotional eating and only those who do it will understand.

Having minor children and elderly parents is tough. And there is a fair bit of drudge involved although it’s hard to admit.

Yes the dopamine hit from food is very real! The brain's reward system gets activated. It's like self medication. When I was obese I also most likely had started to develop insulin resistance as well, witch meant I would never feel satisfied and would almost get the shakes if I didn't have nightly carb binges. Emotional eating started during a really stressful time when the kids were young. I went on ozempic/wegovy a year ago and have lost 35% of my body weight, now BMI 21 and a size 10 (was size 18/20). Not without effort but I feel rewired in the brain. No idea if I can sustain it going forward, but I have learnt so much about nutrition and why I would over eat. "Self control" has so little to do with it.
I'm not suggesting anything as drastic as the jab but maybe small changes could be a way forward? Eating more protein has been a game changer for me, I crave sweet things when I don't have enough in the day. Admittedly some prawns, salmon or turkey slices don't quite hit like crisps or chocolate.

I don't have a solution but I can definitely relate to this. I have small children and recognise the drudgery you mention when I'm home with them. Food (more specifically sugar) gives me small dopamine hits that help me get through the day. It's an instant lift that I can get with children around. A bath or painting my nails sounds good but just isn't an option when I'm looking after them!

I don’t know if it’s useful to you but I have been practicing mindfulness and it’s had a really positive effect for me.

I have explained it here

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/weight_loss_chat/5046649-off-wegovy-2-months-and-already-put-on-half-a-stone?reply=134426930&utm_campaign=reply&utm_medium=share

i completely relate to this, a tough time with the kids and I’m straight to raid the chocolate or crisps to take the edge off. Try to cut yourself a bit of slack, your life seems very complex with lots of difficult demands on your time and emotions. No advice but I hear you OP

I don’t have any suggestions about eating, but I have a suggestion regarding kids activities. Going for a walk with kids just for the sake of walking is torture for me, they moan, complain, are we there yet, and what not. What works for us is having a purpose. We do orienteering, geocaching, role playing favourite games outside (Zelda Breath of the Wild highly recommended) and so on. All these activities cost very little and the whole family enjoys them a lot.
The second thing is to find time to exercise that is yours only. My exercise time is my me time and after three or four times everybody understood that I am not picking up phones, serving drinks, sorting conflicts or reacting to anything. I know it’s a lot to ask for but then I exercise at home, it’s only 30-55 minutes a day depending on what I do. My children are young so I don’t have time for going to the gym or invest in personal trainers.

I can relate to this. After a stressful day, I look forward to my chocolate treat in the evening. A bath or manicure just don't do it for me.

Thanks for listening all and for the advice. I think maybe this is just a tricky life stage and I'm struggling not to use food treats to keep me going. The school holidays have ended now so maybe I will feel a little less frazzled...