Since I stopped eating my feelings they overwhelm me

[Crackermuncher]

So shortly after my divorce I clicked from being fairly disciplined about food and a healthy eater, to being less so.
Partly just due to less time and the whole shitstorm of divorce taking over my mind.
Initially, immediately after the separation I lost a lot of weight unintentionally due to stress, and suddenly attracted male attention, in a bad way. Male friends I’d trusted for years tried it on, husbands of my best female friends etc. I’ve heard similar from other women who recently divorced, and I’m sure men are preying on vulnerability rather than attracted to the weight loss. That said , in a nutshell , I think I subconsciously started comfort eating to repel men, since I was in no way in the market for another relationship, had complex childcare responsibilities etc. I wanted to be invisible.
Lately I looked at old photos and it dawned on me that I’ve been wearing the trauma of divorce on my body and I want it gone now, I want to emerge from the cocoon.
So I’m low carbing , doing well and the weight is coming off. But I’ve become horribly aware of how I’ve been eating my feelings. And now that I’m not eating them, I’m totally overwhelmed . Can anyone relate and what did you do?

Mini meditation can be very helpful when you feel overwhelmed.

But also try to practice being ok with feeling your feelings.

That’s good advice @LightSwerve mini meditation sounds helpful. Feeling my feelings I guess is what I struggle with.

I've spent years comfort eating but while I knew I was I didn't know why. Now I'm divorcing h I've not eaten properly for months. Initially I lost a stone but not really losing very much now. I'm having therapy but are you in a position to go for a run or walk when you're feeling overwhelmed? Keep your body busy so your mind switches off.

Though sometimes you need to sit with the feelings and learn they aren't going to take you over.

I could have written this.

@BirthdayRainbow yes you’re right , exercise does take my mind to a better place actually. I need to remind myself of that more often I think !

Yes, hard relate. Life is tough over here right now and I was chomping all feelings down until three weeks ago, then I stopped and immediately burst into tears … Sounds awful but it’s actually OK. Acknowledging that you feel terrible isn’t in fact the very worst thing, it’s just recognising that life isn’t a Disney film … and that you can start to take small steps to find other things to fill whatever void you are facing.

The ‘doing’ is up to you. Overeating isn’t ‘doing’ at all, it’s just not making a decision. Well done you, it sounds like you’ve made yours - keep going! Focus on the small stuff. Get some sunshine, eat good food, include some wine and treats in the low calorie mix too. Since I’ve stopped eating as a hobby I’ve gone out more, talked to more strangers, seen more countryside, read more books and heard more live music. Not being stuck doing just one solitary thing gives you so much time to do and live so much more … and living life to the full is what you deserve x

@coodawoodashooda solidarity 😔

@InternationalWoman0fMystery this was me , I burst into tears too.
This is so true, I’d never considered I’d taken up eating as a hobby but it’s exactly what I’d been doing, instead of all the lovely things that you mention. It was such a slippery slope and I never realised 🙈

@Crackermuncher sounds like a difficult time so we'll done on addressing it, it isn't easy. It will feel really hard as you are changing your way of managing your feelings and that takes time.

I find journalling or just writing how I feel really cathartic - there's loads of apps or you can be old school like me and just have a nice notebook!

I know other people who've taken up hobbies like knitting or crafting to occupy their hands.

Meditation/mindfulness also really useful for being in my body rather than my head!

Your post also reminded me of the book "Fat is a feminist issue" by Susie Orbach its an old book but she's written a lot about our bodies and how we feel in them.

Take care x

I think I'm going to start journelling

This is the void exercise fills to be honest. I also do Pilates and mediation, then I have made myself so tired I get a lovely sleep. Exercise is my hobby now

This has really made me think. I used to exercise. Enough I felt good. I'm late 40s now and so embarrassed and aware of how unfit I am.

Realising what has been happening is the first step, you now know that you were weaponising food to hurt and hide yourself. Food is fuel and it can be enjoyable, and I hope that you can rediscover that.

As for feelings, I can really recommend journaling and art journaling. The process of writing out all the crap that goes through your head can be really helpful. I hate having the record though so I either write in a watercolour pad and use the pages that I have written on as the base for painting on, or collage over it, or on loose paper and the gelli print on it.
If you want a fun activity to try- gelli printing and making collage. Being creative is a great way to get your feelings out.
Best of luck!

@coodawoodashooda its not too late. I’m 40’s and just started going swimming. From there I now have started doing weights. The biggest thing that’s impacted me is walking. I compete with myself for a quick mile

I smoked and drank for years and got worried about my heart health so that’s why I started but the unexpected benefit has been a massive improvement in my mental health, sleep, mood, general wellbeing etc

it doesn’t need to be intense exercise

@Unabletomitigate tyey are such great ideas. Thank you for posting. I am a writer and have struggled for years as feel if I write it down it makes it real and I so wish it wasn't. I know no whether I write stuff down or not it all happened and maybe getting it down on paper will help. I have a book called The Greatest Self-Help Book Is The One Written By You and each day there is a box to write in whatever is bothering you to get it out of your head. It does help.

I am scared of eating at the moment and I know why but it doesn't always mean one can fix it.

Another who hadn't realized that they were an emotional eater!

I am using Saxanda to help with the food noise but it's not magic and I have to talk myself out of snacks. Am going to bed early as well to avoid temptation. It's only been a few months but is working so far.

It's having to retrain my entire day !

Find a healthy and SAFE space to live out your feelings. Grief over something like that is very real.

Apologies for typos. Still getting used to new iPad and edit only lasts for seconds it seems.