Feeling at rock bottom - I can't stick to anything

[baggagecabbage]

Just that really. I'm bigger than I've ever been with around 7 stone to lose just to get into a healthy weight bracket. I can't stop eating, even though I know I shouldn't.

I've tried Slimming World, calorie counting, Second Nature and shake diets and I can't last more than a day or two. I don't know what is wrong with me.
I've had CBT and hypnotherapy and couldn't make that work either.
I know what I need to do as in move more and stay in a calorie deficit, but it's like I've got a death wish against my own body.

I have honestly never looked or felt worse. I am at rock bottom. I don't know what I'm hoping to achieve by posting on here but I can't talk to anyone in real life as I feel utterly ashamed. I can't understand why I am like this and how I can ever make any progress. It's my 40th birthday soon as I really wanted to get healthy for that, using it a goal. I've failed and I'm starting to believe that I am beyond help.

I'm the same, not as much to lose as you but at least three stone. I know what I should be doing and start many diets. I only get to three or four days before I give in. I can't stick to anything. I am very upset about it.

Why not try making some smaller changes and getting used to them, letting them build up into something bigger.

Things such as:
reduce sugar in drinks by 1/2 tsp
get a water bottle and keep it with you... and drink it!
add a piece of fruit to breakfast and eat 1/3 less cereal
add a serving to salad veg as a side to a sandwich
have 1/2 the serving of pasta and add veg like broccoli

go for a walk, just 10 minutes, but get outside and move

Hello, sounds really tough. Although not in the same situation I've never felt really in control of my eating either, so I can relate to that.

Have you ever spoken to an expert in eating disorders? I think eating habits are a lot more complicated than people think (i.e, not just greediness/lack of discipline), and extreme overeating is in the same territory as undereating imo. Often very psychological and can't be treated without adequate mental health support.

Generally you may be trying for too big a deficit at once. If you're used to eating 2500kcal a day and then suddenly you're eating 1300kcal of only liquids, it's next to impossible to maintain for anyone... And unsustainable. Better to make a tiny reduction to say, 2300kcal to start with.

For me eating a big breakfast and staying busy is the key, so I don't boredom eat. Getting some movement in helps to regulate emotional state too to avoid emotional eating. Doesn't have to be hardcore, I like to take my dogs for a walk (and theyre old so its very slow).

Best of luck with everything!

Have you considered low carbing? If you're interested, the next Low Carb Bootcamp is starting tomorrow - it will last for 8 weeks. There's no calorie counting and no carb counting - just 10 rules to follow.

The sign-up thread is here (and if you scroll down you'll see some key info about what we do/don't eat, as well as the rules

There are 48 of us already signed up, so you'll have plenty of support to keep you going.

I spent 20 years feeling miserable like that.

Then I got weight loss surgery. I recommend surgery you'll see results fast, which will encourage you and lift your mood.

Stop trying to run before you can walk. Make a small change to your diet and stick with it for a week, then add another and stick with it for a week, then another and so on and so on until your diet at week 12 is dramatically different to week 1. Don't take on more than you can sustain because it's pointless to continue the cycle of failure.

Please don’t do those crash diets, they are just not one size fits all and likely to fail

Also you can’t really get WLS if you haven’t addressed over eating it is dangerous!

You need to take small steps to a goal you want to set yourself, you could set yourself a goal of a day or a week if you want, instead of starting off losing 7 stone, just set a goal to walk more in a week, or cut out chocolate. Then after a week you can look back and be proud of yourself and set another goal, and so forth. Tiny steps

You need to start liking yourself again, you aren’t a failure and there is nothing wrong with you, but you just don’t value yourself right now and you CAN change that

I've been a long term dieter so I sympathise.
A few things to unpick here:

• the guilt and shame surrounding eating
• Wanting quick results
• Give up after a few days, which mean you'll never get to see if it works for you.

First of all, you say you keep eating. What do you keep eating? I bet it's not fruit and vegetables.

And you need to think about your health choice - is it worth the pain to go onto something you can't stick to? You want something you can live with, not for having a quick weight loss but for your long term health.

I suggest you:

• have as much home cooked food as you want. Ideally mainly cooked with protein, fruit and vegetables.
• Proper 3 meals a day as above.
• Have as big a portion as possible so that you don't snack.
• If the 3 meals are not enough, allow yourself to have a treat. Don't associate any food with guilt.
• Stick with the same lifestyle for at least a month.
• Forget about the weight for now. If you manage to switch to just eating healthily that's already a win for your health.

Try and think about the “why” why do you want to lose weight, who for? What for? If these motivation factors aren’t more than your desire to eat you’ll always struggle. Be honest with yourself as to the why. Stop the excuses as they make you feel worse. Nobody needs treats, nobody needs snacks, nobody needs wine. We need nutrition to fuel our bodies and make us feel good and to be healthy, that’s what you should concentrate on. Put health first, educate yourself, feel inspired. You’re never going to be inspired by going to slimming world eating a muller bloody light yogurt.

Could you tell us a bit about what you eat? Maybe use this thread to write down what you eat today as a start?

I honestly think the only way to succeed is calories in, calories out. Track everything with an app and try to be in a deficit every day, even just a small deficit. I aim for 1600 calories a day and the weight is coming off slowly but surely.

But more than that, you deserve to be happy whatever your weight. It doesn't define you. Make your forties the decade you learn to love all the good things about yourself, because there will be many if you can learn to focus on them ❤️

I feel the same OP, my weight has crept up and I’m really concerned for my health but the minute I start to limit or change what I eat I feel deprived and end up binging instead. I know it’s about what’s going on in my head but I don’t know how to address that.

Thank you for all the replies. I really appreciate it. There is a lot of good advice and will try and re-read the the responses and pick some things that may work for me.

I don't have a sweet tooth at all, which I know is possibly unusual. Instead I find myself bingeing on cheese, pastry and bread. I feel disgusting for even telling you, but my go-to breakfast is two cheese twist pastries and a yoghurt. There is at least 1000 calories in that meal alone. I do cook from scratch at home so my evening meal is quite good, but it's just the savoury crap I crave while at work. I have a sedentary job as well but am really going to try and make an effort to get out for a walk.

I just feel so sad that I can't seem to get motivated. I know I'm slowly killing myself and am already starting to have weight related health issues. I want to set a good example for my son and for him to feel proud of me, not ashamed.

I used to go buy a Mars bar, crisps and coke for breakfast every day. Then I would also eat them again during the day. You aren’t alone or unusual in eating the wrong things so don’t feel like you are - many of us here have also been through the same thing. And come through to a better place. Going for walk will also make you feel good about yourself. Put on some headphones, get your favourite songs on and start looking to the future in small steps

@baggagecabbage if it's savoury food you like, could you just try swapping it for something with a bit more protein to help keep you fuller? I usually have a bagel thin with some bacon medallions and a fried egg, I prepare it in advance and take it to work and I find it helps satisfy me more than if I have something sweet for breakfast