How to deal with self loathing while losing weight

[gettingbackonit23]

I am 10kg overweight and have started a healthy eating plan and am doing 10k steps a day. I’ve done a little spreadsheet and should get there by April which is when I am going on holiday with DP. But what I’m struggling with is feeling utterly shit about myself in the meantime and a failure for being fat. It’s irrational because I am doing something about it and I know that even in 4 weeks, I will feel and look better if I stick to it. But at the moment, all I see is flab and I feel like locking myself away for several months until I’m ready to face the world. Has anyone experienced similar?

I think it's really a chicken and egg situation sometimes. Struggling to know how to phrase this but when you don't like yourself very much, sometimes you don't feel like you're worth taking care of. So you put on weight, which reinforces and justifies the self loathing.

So how to deal, tell yourself these 3 things

1. your value as a person is in no way dependant on the numbers on the scale.
2. you are worth taking care of
3. There is no minimum prettiness/skininess threshold on existing in public. you are in a negative feedback loop and the sooner you come out of it the less damage to your mental health and your body.

And do this

1. go for a walk outside, for no particular reason than to get fresh air and exercise. Wrap up really warm and just don't care how you look.
2. eat well, the right amounts of the right foods, but also put time and money into ensuring that what you do eat is really tasty and high quality food.

So this might come out wrong, but if you are doing something about your weight, you cant be loathing yourself too much

Think on that, hold on to the fact that you yourself already know deep down that you are worth it. You have identified an area you want to change and you are making the change. You cant change the past, only influence the future

Draw a line. That was the past, live in today

@gettingbackonit23 i think this normal as you are facing up to the challenge ahead of you, so you will experience all kinds of emotions whilst you are in this phase. It will not last though. Making a huge change requires you to face up to some really tough realities and you need time to process them. You will, and can do this, so you will start to feel better

Oh yes OP I get you 100%. I have some sort of mental block and can't quite figure out why I overeat but I hate what I've done to myself. I often think back to when I was young and I'm so angry at myself for letting this take so much away from my enjoyment of life. I can give so many examples of not doing something because I was too embarrassed of my body but I still did nothing about it. At least you are doing something and if you focus you can reach target in April, that's amazing! I don't have the answers but I totally get it. Good luck!

Ahhh thank you so much to those who have replied! Some good insight there especially the idea that I can’t loathe myself that much if I am making a change @suki1964. I think it’s just because it’s the beginning and I won’t see results for a while so it seems like such a struggle that I’m feeling so down about it. And @stillplentyofjunkinthetrunk those are some good tips. I went for a walk this morning - freezing but did 5000 steps and will do a bit of jogging on my walking pad later this afternoon to hit the 10k steps. Also made some nice soup that I had for lunch which made me feel really nourished.
And thanks @KL090 for reminding me that this feeling will pass and that it’s normal.

I think it's really a chicken and egg situation sometimes. Struggling to know how to phrase this but when you don't like yourself very much, sometimes you don't feel like you're worth taking care of. So you put on weight, which reinforces and justifies the self loathing.

I think that sums it up perfectly.

You've treated yourself badly, but now you're showing yourself some love and investing in yourself.

yes, totally. It doesn’t help that I’ve been trying to lose this weight for a year now and have failed consistently and binge-eaten (although at least I haven’t gained anything). This time I’m determined it will be different though. I get the anger too - I will look back and think why the hell didn’t I have a protein yoghurt or some nuts rather than ordering pizza? But in the moment, it’s so hard to make that healthy choice. I’ve also realised that I can’t really have treats in the house as I end up eating them all.

Oh thank you, that’s a really good way of putting it. Yes, I’m determined to treat myself well from now on.

I know the feeling. I am shocked at how badly I’ve “let myself go” be also want to turn things round. A few weeks ago my dh suggested water aerobics at my local pool because “it’s full of middle-aged overweight women” with the implication being I’d fit right in. I felt a twinge of despair that I’d fallen into a category my dh saw as pretty desperate but then I realised that my negative filter meant I was missing my dh’s point - I would fit right in - alongside all those women who have the courage to get themselves out in their cozzies on a freezing Thursday night and do some exercise!

you have to tell that nasty voice in your brain to eff off to the far side of eff and then eff off some more. Don’t listen to it.

hope you have a fab holiday in April

Look even I go for the pizza , in fact Im having pizza tonight and Ive lost nearly 2 stone in the past 8 months. Only I know I cant sit and scoff a large dominos with dips, garlic bread and wings now. But what I can have is SOME pizza so Im having SOME pizza. Enough to stop me feeling like Im depriving myself so that when I get cross or tired I dont go and get that fuck off pizza. So tonights will be a couple of slices of a homemade one ( shop bought base), with lots of chicken and ham and peppers and mushrooms and anything else I can find to throw on it. I also pile a lot of salad and pickles and even a hard boiled egg on my plate so I dont go mad on the pizza. Two slices will be enough for me and Ive had Pizza

I get you with the treats, I did so well over Christmas but then in the new year we had visitors - and they bought chocolates and Ive eaten them, but thats ok, it was a chocolate or three - not a family bar and a bottle of wine

You know that saying, a little of what you fancy wont harm? Never is it so true when trying to eat healthily. I do get a notion for crisps, chocolate ,biscuits and cakes and I deal with it by having a small amount, before the craving and feeling Im being deprived gets too big and the healthy eating goes by the by.

If I do have a fuck it day, I draw a line and start with the next meal, and I have lots of fuck it days, but Im not on a diet for an occasion, Im trying to get my BMI and high cholesterol down. The weight didnt appear in 6 weeks, it crept on without me really noticing or caring, but now I do care and its slowly creeping off

As I said before, you cant change whats already happened, just move forwards, one meal, one snack at a time

Oh and the best thing Ive learned? Snacks can be ANYTHING. High protein is better so I snack on chicken and cheese and yoghurt and fruit and soup rather then a bag of crisps ( mostly - im no saint ) I even stick a few baby bels in my pocket for work so Ive got something if I get a mid morning or afternoon slump

There's a fantastic podcast called "How Did I Get Here?" It's introduced by Claudia Winkelman and the therapist on it is Tanya Byron. I was listening to one of the episodes just yesterday and it covered an almost identical case. I really think you'd find it useful. If you look at their other episodes, there's another one called "If I'm Not Thin I'm Not Successful" that's very good, too.

Eating Has A Hold Over Me - How Did We Get Here? | Podcast on Spotify

Always have some clothes in your wardrobe that fit your body now and that you enjoy (not necessarily for how you look in them, could also be the colour/texture/pattern/shape). Don’t make yourself wait until you’ve lost the weight to dress nicely. That feeds into the narrative if you not being good enough as you are. Everyone can wear clothes they like - there’s no size limit on that. You can pick things up on vinted/in charity shops and keep to a very capsule wardrobe to keep costs down, especially if you’re not anticipating needing these clothes for more than a few months. But don’t punish yourself by only wearing worn out or ill fitting or just ugly clothing.
Same thing for your holiday. When it gets to 2-3 weeks before you go, make sure you have a swimming costume and some suitable clothes that fit and that you like, even if they’re not in your goal size but need to be in the size you are that moment. Holidays don’t come with weight limits either.

@CoffeeatIKEA I think this is a great point, I got rid of tons of my 'skinny' clothes y'know the sort you haven't worn in years but will fit into again one day.

Bought nice new clothes that fit me with the promise that as I lose the weight I'll actually just get myself new clothes. It does help.