Didn't comfort eat and just want to tell someone

[Mariolu]

Tonight DH was out seeing friends unexpectedly and my kids were being really difficult behaviour wise. I'd pretty much decided once I got them to sleep I was going to eat something well off my healthy eating plan. I thought about it on and off all evening and told myself how it's never worth the cost in terms of how I feel after, but I could feel I was still going to do it. Decision felt made. Range of reasons, feel disconnected from DH anyway and this sudden plan to be out worsened that, my oldest son seemed to be going out his way to upset me and also just habitual, if I get an 'opportunity' (DH out) I take it. It's mad but eating food I 'shouldn't' in secret somehow feels like I'm sticking my middle finger up to everyone when I know in reality I'm only harming myself.

I used to have terrible binge eating and weighed 50lbs more than I do now (I'm still overweight). I wouldn't say I binge eat now as there isn't the same volume, but I emotional eat with a "f*ck it" mentality.

Anyway, kids have been asleep for an hour and I haven't eaten and I think I've actually ridden the wave and the urge has passed. I won't eat now.

There's literally no one I'm comfortable telling this to. So I'm posting it here, because it feels like quite a big deal. I haven't got to the point that I've decided to overeat and then managed to NOT do it for years.

That's amazing OP!!! well done to you!

Well done you!! I know how hard it is, so amazing work to resist that temptation. You'd feel so annoyed in the morning if you'd caved. Bravo! 👏👏👏

Well done. It is a mental battle. I'm trying to lose weight too.

That's brilliant, well done! It's such a hard thing to overcome your mind when it comes to that, I tend to tell myself if I really want it, I'll wait 30 mins. Usually once I've had a brew or a glass of water, I'm over it. Well done you!

Well done, that's a great achievement! Going past the 'fuck it' moments and realising you are only affecting yourself. Easier said than done.

That is AMAZING. Well done OP. I have the same sort of mentality and it’s a hard one to break (so far doing well this year but…) so I know this will have taken massive willpower.

That's a great achievement. You are right in that the guilt and crash afterwards isn't worth it.

Oh wow, thanks for the replies. I didn't expect anyone to respond! I feel almost a bit tearful. It's such a hidden thing so there's never really any chance to hear such lovely positive comments because no one else knows. Thank you.

It is a big deal, huge congratulations! The realisation that it’s not worth the cost of how you feel afterwards is the key - please hold on to that, it’s what finally helped me, it really isn’t worth the cost.

Congratulations.

if it helps I go to bed when I feel like this. It seems to work.

OP, give yourself a massive hug from me and my DH. We are both so proud of you.

We've both had to help my DSis through a binge eating disorder, so we know what you did was huge.

I bet if you did tell your DH, he'd be very proud too.

I relate to everything you said op. My dh used to go away with work for a couple of days every 2-3 months and that would always be an opportunity to order a massive takeaway and spend the time working my way through it. I know he would dissaprove if the expense and the shear greed, he has a smaller appetite then me.

As I've started grappling with my own psychology this has reduced, I physically can't eat as much as before and I feel sick/full much faster so the binging is slowly reducing as the enjoyment/regret ratio changes.

I'm very glad dh has left that job though, fewer opportunities etc.

Now I always have a goal date which works as motivation for my particular brain. Big birthday for my mum coming up in the summer so this is my motivation for being healthy and hopefully getting to goal weight again. Probably about 2 and a half stone in 8 months.

This is such fabulous news OP!
I'm really glad to read this. Have you tried journalling? It can break the thought pattern... I've not managed to do it much but my therapist (for BED) has recommended it.

Well done OP. I can definitely relate to teens pushing our buttons! Stay strong

Yes! Well done! That's fab 💅

Well done OP! It is a huge deal and the first step to breaking that cycle. Don't underestimate the achievement but also don't put huge pressure on yourself now. Keep trying to do something else (cup of tea, walk, tv, whatever) instead to help you ride out that wave but don't get disheartened if you slip. Ultimately that behaviour is habitual and it takes time to break. Best of luck!

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

such a tough one riding out of that mindset.

You should be so proud.

Do it once. Do it twice.