BMI of 41.8. I’m so ashamed.

[Cuthbertsrevenge]

11 weeks postpartum. Second baby. Weigh more now than I did a week after having the baby.

I can’t stop eating. I hate myself. I obsess about my weight every single day and have done for about a decade. I used to be a size 10. Now I’m a whale.

What can I do? I tried to talk to the GP about it yesterday but she wasn’t easy to talk to and I couldn’t explain myself well.

I am an intelligent, successful woman with two beautiful children and a great husband. I love cooking and I love healthy food. I know how to eat healthily and when I am not obese I even enjoy exercise.

I can’t stop eating sugar. Sugar all day every day. I binge on it. I hide wrappers. I go out of my way to go to certain shops to get the chocolate biscuits that I like the most. I eat two full packs in a day.

I am so mortified. I don’t recognise myself. How do I stop? Who can help me? I’m desperate.

Thank you all for your support I really appreciate it.

Truthfully, the baby is a dream. I stopped BF a few weeks ago, she sleeps well, she is very settled and happy. The eldest (4) is coping beautifully. My birth and recovery were straightforward. My husband is very supportive. I can honestly say that (weight issues aside) I don’t feel overwhelmed at the moment at all, in fact every other aspect of my life other than my weight feels pretty near perfect at the moment and I’m so happy when I’m not thinking about my weight.

I have suffered with depression in the past and I think I did a lot of comfort eating. I think I then developed some bad habits, and eventually a physical addiction. I think at the moment it feels like a very physical addiction and yet there’s undoubtedly still some very deep rooted emotional issues around food.

I don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t do drugs. Sugar is my high.

There are lots of really great suggestions here and some unbelievably kind words. I am so grateful to have this space to share, to vent and to acknowledge what’s happening. And of course thankful to all of you who have taken time to reply and help.

I know I need to make a change and I think I’m starting to realise that needs to start from a place of being kind to myself. As @TotalOverhaul said, shame is a cruel emotion and perhaps I need to practice some concerned self-compassion instead.

Please don’t be too hard on yourself OP.

I gained more weight in the year after I had my first baby than I did when I was pregnant with him. Ok, I had hyperemesis throughout, but I lived in toast, butter and jam. Toast, butter and jam. Constantly, all day.

He hated being put down, or left, and barely napped in the day, and slept poorly at night, so the toast was quick to make and eat and tasted good. It was nothing for me to eat a loaf a day plus some snacks and proper food.

I was simply exhausted, as are you.

You will go better, you definitely will. If you can get to a place where you’re strong enough to make changes, start small.

It sounds like you have binge eating disorder perhaps?

Overcoming binge eating is a good book to start with, and then look at some psychological support. You may eventually decide to use drugs but I’d at least explore why it might be happening to you first.

Restriction (calorie or point counting, fasting) tends to trigger binge eating, so it’s usually treated like any eating disorder so you build up to eating regular meals.

.. And absolutely be kind to yourself. Eating disorders are disorders, no one would choose to have one so talk to yourself as you would a friend, and get some well qualified support. Trying to anything from a place of self criticism makes it 10 times harder, so there’s not even a point to being mean to yourself.

What worked for me:
Hypnosis 3xpensive but amazing.
Balancing blood sugar by high protein and fasting. Amazing game changing stuff. Good luck. If I can do it you definitely can.

@Cuthbertsrevenge I have been addicted to sugar for about 3 years, gained weight and been totally fed up with my inability to stop eating constant treats. I’ve found an unexpected possible cure just recently - I’ve started taking Willpowder collagen (a powder you mix into a hot drink every day) to try help my aching joints and improve my skin / nails etc and I swear to god my snacking and sugar addiction has just switched off. I don’t crave it anymore. It’s early days so I haven’t weighed myself yet but I feel slimmer and I’m eating so much less rubbish. I can even go to the supermarket and not buy crap because I just don’t really care, whereas before I would ALWAYS buy loads of treats, couldn’t help myself.

I don’t know if this effect will last but I hope so and I’m going to keep taking it every day. It’s a form of protein so it makes sense that one of the side effects is feeling more full, I just didn’t expect this effect at all.

Hello OP, I’ve been you/I am you! I have fought the same battle and at the moment doing pretty well; not eaten sugary desserts since Jan 1st thanks to reading a book called Brain over Binge. It’s really badly written and too long but fuck me, it worked!! Stopped binge eating - though I still eat too much at times and still have weight to offload - but worlds away from the constant sugar cravings. Thank god. But you’re only 11 weeks pp. It’s still so early. Go easy on yourself!!

Loads of amazing advice here...but my wee advice, is drink some fizzy water before you have your treat. Quite often I crave the bubbles now and not the chocolate.

Don't be ashamed, you are still recovering from having and growing a baby...and you are fighting the sugar industry who spend billions in making us addicted. You can do it xx when you need to, you will.♡

Could it be worth considering ozempic? I ask that because you mention the strength of the cravings and isn't it meant to get rid of them?