I hate myself and feel disgusting

[MoonshineandMagic]

I’ve never been slim but I’ve put on so much weight in the last few years - a combination of lockdown, divorce, giving up smoking and menopause.

I’m truly disgusted by how I look, I’m a fat wobbly blob with terrible skin, my thighs rub together and I get sore sweaty patches all over. I can barely squeeze into a size 18 and I’m rarely comfortable. My partner thinks I’m beautiful and desirable but I’m embarrassed that his standards are so low.

The only time I can lose weight is when I count everything religiously but I do well for a few weeks then fall off the wagon when life gets in the way and put it all on again.

Life is stressful enough without having to think about food all the time - what to cook, can I have this, no I’d better not have a drink - I find it really depressing. I’ve got a lot on my plate atm and I’m tired of depriving myself but also worried about my health.

Ive been to my GP but they just enrolled me on an online course which I don’t need - I know how to lose weight but they don’t address the reasons why it’s so hard.

I feel you. I feel disgusting too, and I’m too overwhelmed with life, house, work, parenting to do anything about losing weight.

I am bulging out of size 16 clothes and my face looks like a moon 🙈

I am gonna try again after my hol.

Do you exercise?

So what's the alternative,carry on as you are? I say that kindly honestly. I had to have a huge diet over haul 6 months ago for health reasons, one thing that helped me was seeing it as a permanent change not a diet so I had to make it sustainable or I would fail. Start making small changes and as time goes on it gets easier and it's not hard work. Try the on line course,it might be good. Good luck 😊

Me too. Felt so hideous on holiday. Not the usual "eek that's tighter than last year" but more "Jesus that's too fat". I feel horrible. I know my DH doesn't fancy me any more either.

Don’t squeeze yourself into a size 18 for a start. Buy a more comfortable size, I know it sounds like you’ll feel worse wearing size 20 (or 22, 24…) but I find I actually feel a bit more confident when clothing isn’t tight. Weightloss is one of those things that is easy for some and an absolute bloody nightmare for others. Just do what you can for now - exercise more / cook more from scratch / eat more fruit etc. Whatever you can manage for now. And stop being so mean to yourself! It’s just fat, you’ve not murdered anyone.

I'm so sorry, you sound so down on yourself and I understand what you mean by being uncomfortable - for me it's not so much tightness of clothes but the feeling of my body being larger than I think it should be, not sure if that makes sense.

GPs should be better educated on the subject, if everyone could lose weight our health would be so much better.

Of course you know how to lose weight. We all know we'd soon starve without food. I assume you've tried various diets and failed so either they weren't right for your body or you weren't in the right frame of mind.

What motivates you? Whilst I live being able to buy clothes that fit and feel comfortable in my skin that doesn't motivate me. I'm actually motivated by improving my health so fasting and keto or low carb work better for me than calorie restriction or increased exercise. I have a fasting app that tells me what my body is doing after x hours in fast mode, and that it helps reduce risk of heart disease, cancer, stroke, etc.

What would motivate you?

I agree with buying clothes that fit and even better- make you feel nice x When you lost weight before was there any of it you found easy? Eg I have an addiction to cereal, bread and fizzy drinks but when I am trying to lose weight I find it quite easy to eat a lot of fruit and vegetables, drink water and to not eat after 8 so at least I can give myself kudos for that and try and plough through the other stuff, trying to cut down day by day. Also do you have a hobby? Reading, knitting, music, art? It will help with your mh x

Thank you for the kind replies.

@Lovethatforyou @Houseneedsalift I'm sorry you feel the same, it sucks doesnt it.

I dont exercise as I've had an injury but that's just an excuse really - I dont enjoy it, I can never find the time and I'm lazy.

I dont want to buy clothes in yet another size - it's a waste of money and if I feel comfy in them I've no incentive to lose.

The only thing that works for me is sticking to a strict calorie intake but I'm sick of counting and measuring and it taking twice as long to do a shop or make a meal when I'm already pushed for time.

I know my head isn't in the right place - I gave up smoking a few years ago and it was easy because I was ready, I'd never managed it before. I'm not ready for this but as @MrsPelligrinoPetrichor rightly points out, what's the alternative?

Don't worry about excercise, I can't because of an injury either,I do chair excercises and chair yoga- loads of Instagram or you tube. When I am not in a flare up I take gentle walks. Weight loss is about diet.

I always think smoking must be easier to give up as it's only one thing to avoid whereas food is everywhere and we need it every day.

Have you tried a group like SW or WW? You might find the support helpful.

Weight loss is 80% diet 20% exercise so don't flog yourself to death on a treadmill. An hour walking a day will improve your sleep as well and help you make better food choices.

I agree that weight loss is more about the diet than the exercise but we don’t exercise to lose weight we do it for all the other health benefits. Exercise also doesn’t have to be flogging yourself on a treadmill and the perception that that’s what’s necessary puts people off doing anything. I would start moving your body to make yourself feel good because right now you feel shit about yourself. Does telling yourself you’re disgusting get yourself in the right place for good food choices because it wouldn’t me. Perhaps go for a walk or a swim. I’ve really surprised myself by how much I’ve got into swimming over the last couple of months and I imagine it’s an activity that lots of people with injuries can do. I’ve also loved pilates which is very low impact and helps with your core. Once you’re feeling better in yourself it’s likely to help with the motivation in other areas. It’s not a fast process… I’ve gone from a size 18 to a 16 but it’s taken from May and I’m now re losing the weight I gained on holiday so plenty more to go ( I’m 53)

On another note have you seen the GP about HRT maybe because that might help with the negative thoughts.

What helped me a lot is getting a mini trampoline. I don’t have to go to the gym, I just pop it out from under the bed and bounce on it for 20 mins before I go in the shower. Saves a lot of time and makes exercise much easier, and it’s very low impact so good for larger people.

I recently read that Chris Van Tulleken book on ultra processed food and I'm convinced it plays a big part. We're constantly eating super palatable products that our body doesn't even recognise as food. It's no wonder that we're always eating but never satisfied. The emulsifiers in bread mess with our gut bacteria, the flavourings make our body expect something it then doesn't get etc etc. I'm making a big effort to cut out UPF as much as possible and it's helping a lot, I'm no longer constantly hungry.

I've done a million different diets and you always gain it back eventually because counting and tracking long term is too much for most people. I'm just not doing it any more. I eat anything I want now as long as it's not UPF.

@Oysterbabe I've downloaded that but not read it - procrastinating is another one of my weak points! I suspect you're right though.

I have done WW in the past and did well but I hate the restrictions and the constant thinking about food.

I was you back in January and I’ve since lost over 3.5 stone. So I understand how you are feeling 100%.
You reach a turning point. “Enough is enough”. Mine was in January and yours was yesterday. You will do well too!