I’d like to start this thread with please no suggestions of ‘just eat less’ just count calories’ ‘just use this app’’stick to 1500cal /day’
i know all that stuff
its going to be a long post for context.
I’ve always struggled with my weight. I managed to keep it under control (between 10-11st and I’m 5’8”) throughout my 20s with dieting, exercise, cal counting, slimming world and (this is the stuff I’ve never told anyone) by purging, mainly with laxatives.
i struggled with disordered eating since about age 23 but since my weight was normal nobody ever noticed.
when I got pregnant at 27 I stopped with the laxatives then went straight back to it after dc1. Almost got to pre baby weight and got pregnant 8 months later.
between baby 2 and 3 I lost all the weight and got back to my previous weight. A mixture of ways, purging, SW, lots of exercise
baby 3 came and lockdown followed. I was binging and purging a lot and really felt like it was spiralling, we moved house and I threw away all my laxatives, absolutely determined to stop, and I did. I haven’t done it for at least 2 years.
Slowly I’ve also managed to stop the binging, it’s been hard but I don’t really do it anymore
this is where I need help. I’ve put so much weight on, I’m now around 15 stone I’ve put on at least 4 stone in the last 2-3 years. I feel in some ways I’m in a better place than I’ve ever been in terms of my relationship with food. But because I’ve worked so hard to stop myself obsessing about food my diet has really slipped.
I’m worried about my health (nothing currently affecting me), I’m really starting to feel heavy and tired, obviously I look very different.
im absolutely terrified of going back to disordered eating. I’m terrified of ‘dieting’ because I could easily slip back into being obsessed with food and it taking over my brain again.
what help can I get? How can I lose this weight? I know I need help but I don’t know what kind of help is available. My husband doesn’t know about any of this. We have a loving relationship but I’ve never mentioned it, I wouldn’t even know where to start. I think he might have known a bit about the binging.
how can I possibly lose weight without dieting? But how can I stop a diet becoming an obsession and making me completely miserable?