@redbluepink
I've done Gillian Riley as you say, on and off for years. Books, in person seminars and then online. Absolutely understood the approach but as you say, it would last for a while and then, just as if I'd flipped a switch, I'd be back my bad habits.
The most recent time I had a sense of urgency about it all, thinking I'm now in my sixties and if I don't do it know, when will I ever get down to it. Also seen people to whom I am close have very different experiences of their later years depending on their weight and health.
Knowing that I had done this so, so often I arranged for an hour of 121 time with Gillian, during which I could raise real questions absolutely focused on my own situation. So I knew all the standard answers but could say but ... and really dig in deep.
Don't think I turned out to be any different to anyone else, but I'll explain incase it's of any interest. I suspect it's actually the process of having that aha moment that may well be different for everyone.
When I had done this 'programme' on previous occasions, I had thought that I was really on board, doing everything properly. Choosing, clear about my motivation etc.
What was actually happening, was that the act of signing up for another book, or course or whatever was enough to flip my into compliance, whereupon I was 'eating perfectly' on plan. At some point, I would flip back to rebellion and wooosh, I'd fall off the wagagain.
Gillian suggested I try choosing what to eat according to how I would feel once I had eaten it, and for up to the next 24hrs.
That really worked for me. (And I'm sure it was mentioned as an approach fairly early on, no matter how you review the material. )
For example, I used to eat loads of sweets and chocolates. I also know that the first bite or chocolate in the easiest to resist. When I think about having done chocolate, which I do really very often indeed, I ask myself how will I feel ... and whether I would prefer to resist the first or the second (or subsequent ) chocolates.
That's usually enough though
The second line of defence is to occasionally eat 'a bit of rubbish' just to prove to myself that I can have some and stop. Knowing that I can have 'a portion' of anything and then stop is what gives me the freedom to keep going.
Those two tricks have kept me going for some time without feeling that resentment.
Other things that helped me were doing the Zoe project and wearing a continuous glucose monitor for a fortnight, so that I saw the reaction of my blood sugars as independent corroboration of how my body feels after eating sugar and simple starches. I've eaten low carb ever since (see low carb bootcamp threads here on MN). Having stable blood sugar means I just don't get those awful feelings of having to eat.
A lot of my eating turns out to have been entirely not for any reasons connected to hunger. Often in order to avoid feeling hungry later on, as well as a sign of being bored or otherwise angry at someone, often myself.
Which takes me back to considering how I will feel after I've eaten something. It's amazing quite how good I feel when I feel myself well. It's always expect led it would be the other way round - eat well
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