Denial about how fat I actually am

[Namechangewhynot]

I'm in total denial about my weight. I'm am obese. I could lose 100lbs and still not be underweight. I know why I'm fat, I eat too much, too often. Logically I know all the reasons I'm fat. My waist is the same size now as when I was 9 months pregnant. I wear a size 22. I am past fat, I'm obese.
Why am I pretending I don't really care that I'm fat when deep down I'm totally ashamed of letting myself get like this.

Oh my lovely!
Are you, perhaps, afraid to lose weight? Afraid of what life might be like?
Or perhaps afraid of what you need to do to lose it? You say you know why you're overweight, so you have an idea of what you need to do.
Do you have any support in the home? It can be difficult if you have young children, or an unsupportive partner. You'll get loads of support here.
What have you tried in the past to lose weight?

Unmumsnetty hug for you 🤗

Well done. This is the first step. It's often easier to Bury your head in the sand rather than take responsibility/control of the situation.

You've got this. You just now need to start making positive changes to your eating and exercise habits. Start small, up your water in take and begin to cut out sugary high calorie drinks and then move on to food. Start with gentle exercise. Or even go to your gp for advice on what will work best for you and your body type.

I think obesity is a majorly complex issue. I know you’ve put it simply that you eat too much and too often which makes it sound like an easy fix - but it isn’t. There’s probably a lot of psychological issues at play to do with your relationship with food and your relationship with your body and who you are. Social factors and relationships often come into play too. It may be worth exploring around this and seeing what steps you can take to make tiny changes that will improve your life that not only focus on your weight and see the weight issue as part of a bigger picture. Dealing with and understanding the feeling of shame itself could make a big difference to you.
I think your honesty and willingness to say what you have in your post is a really good start. Try not to judge yourself too harshly. Also sending a hug.

Thats the thing, I know exactly what to do and how to do it. I lost 70 lbs about 2 years ago. Successfully gained it all back though. Omad seems to work for me as it controls my 'eating' window. It's more of a 'Why don't I want to get my act together? '
I'm thinking my weight problem may the the result rather that the cause, if that makes sense. I'm just beginning to reevaluate where my life is at the moment, realising I'm probably in denial about a few other aspects of it too.
Realising that even when I lost all the weight before my life didn't magically fall into place as it wasn't just my weight I was unhappy with. So why lose the weight again?
Sorry, kind of just had a major epiphany there as I was typing 🥺😮

Reading what I’ve written and I think it may come across preachy and as if it’s going to be really hard to fix. It will be a tough journey but nothing that you can’t do. I just meant that understanding yourself more might help you to make changes that could make your weight loss journey that little bit easier.

Memyselfandtheothers, I'm just having a major light bulb moment, probably as you were responding, so don't apologise 🤗

I think you are in denial because like many you realise that losing weight can't change other stuff in your life you are not happy with. You already realised that and many think why deprive myself of nice stuff if it doesn't change my life. So maybe lose weight for health reasons and for the sake of staying healthy and mobile for your kids? It is hard though as for some eating is a real pleasure and calorie counting etc can be boring.

Do you eat because you are depressed or bored? Can you think of other things to do which help those feelings other than eating? How about making one small change a day. Like walk 10000 steps a day or switch to low fat milk or cut out biscuits?

I've been SO focused on my weight being THE problem that needs addressing that I've completely discounted anything else that may be an issue. Now my head has just imploded😯

that’s great insight. Keep working with it. There are reasons for you thinking the way you do and the food and weight are most likely not the root issue. Working with how you feel about your life, your happiness, your goals etc - all of this is important stuff.
i have some questions I ask myself when I engage in behaviour that is not helpful to me (eg staying in a negative relationship, overworking or eating a whole pack of biscuits instead of just a couple). I ask myself how does this serve me? What am I getting from it? What do I really want or need and how better can that need be met? It doesn’t work every time but it helps me a lot.

You could look at the book ‘the last diet’ by sharoo izardi, it really helped me to understand why I was in denial about my weight and helped me to develop some strategies. It’s not a diet book (it doesn’t tell you what to eat or to lose weight) it uses a psychological approach to explore your actions around food x

I do love food and consider eating a pleasurable experience. It's probably one of the few things I actually find pleasurable so overdo it.
I'm off to take the dog for a walk, think a bit more and try and organise my thoughts.

Really appreciate everyones imput though.
I'll be back 😘

Do you think it might be worth seeing a therapist also to discuss and look into your relationship with food. They may even help you with coping mechanisms. It is so easy to find yourself in a position where you are not the size you are most comfortable.

You should lose the weight for health reasons. Losing weight will not make you happy in the long run, it never does! Some of the people with the most impressive physiques in the world are miserable so feeling good isn't only about looking good externally.

I think I console myself with food. There are a lot of things in my life that I feel I can't change or control. I have the mindset that I can't do anything about changing this so I'm just unhappy. I realise that I'm using the only thing I can control, my food intake, to shut down, get by, deal with, ignore, everything else going on.
I also realise that trying to navigate my way to the kitchen past the massive elephants in the room is only going to get harder if I keep getting fatter🤔
It's time to take stock, and be completely honest with myself I think. Thank you for your insight and support lovely ladies 💐

I can totally relate @Namechangewhynot everything that you've said makes complete sense to me. I'm also a size 22 and I bet if I was a size 10, I'd still be unhappy. Its more deep rooted than that.
I do need to start losing weight for my physical health though as I've been diagnosed with diabetes recently.

If you need a sound board/some support. Send me a private message. It'll be nice to have someone to talk to, that understands.

I think you are in denial because like many you realise that losing weight can't change other stuff in your life you are not happy with. You already realised that and many think why deprive myself of nice stuff if it doesn't change my life. So maybe lose weight for health reasons and for the sake of staying healthy and mobile for your kids? It is hard though as for some eating is a real pleasure and calorie counting etc can be boring.

This is so true @Cornishclio

I am 34, been overweight since a child and constantly told myself it wasn't that bad, I could lose if it I tried, I'm just not trying, of course I have control.

It's only literally been the last few months with LOTS of reflecting and forcing myself to let the truth sink in that I've admitted I have a problem with emotional eating, I do not have control over this, if I stay this overweight I may die much younger and it's time to face up to how bad it is. It's been quite hard but also liberating to finally see clearly. I even sought out a personal trainer at the weekend and start next week. And I'm ready for this to take a few years.

For me, my weight and health is the big thing in my life in unhappy with so I know I need to make this change

What gave me a kick up the arse to be in control of how I treat my body was all the stats during the pandemic where 'obese' was specifically mentioned.

The thought of something happening to me and my children losing their mother because I was obese was just too much. I knew I had to do something.

Since then, that message hasn't diluted. The amount of people who could have survived or even avoided an illness if they hadn't been obese is scary reading.

Being in control of my body hasn't fixed all the other crap in my life, but exercising genuinely helps me cope with things better.

I've still a bit of a journey to go but started eating well and exercising at size 22. Currently a size 16 and very close to only being overweight. Frankly that'll be amazing after 2 decades of my BMI being north of 41.

You need to do this for you. It's not about how you look really, if it was that simple you'd have stuck with trying to lose weight before now. You need to treat your body better, give it better food, be in control of your eating instead of your eating being in control of you and find an exercise that takes you outdoors - get that fresh air kick as well as the endorphins.

You can do this

You have to get into the right mental headspace. It’s incredibly frustrating. I’ve been beating myself up since 2020 and have only just started losing weight.

Could've written this myself. Managed to lose 155ish lb with another 25ish to go, had a baby late summer and then PND, and I'm heavier than when I was full term. To get back to pre pregnancy weight I've got around 70lb to get there instead of the 30 from pregnancy. I've stopped/started a few times and just ended up putting more on - can't quite crack getting back into it. I think, like you, being smaller didn't magically fix everything like I thought it would, but I also know that I can't just keep getting bigger so really need to sort it out. Sending lots of love x

I think being totally honest with myself about how many other things have contributed to me being this overweight is my starting point. Maybe I can't do much about some things at the moment but I need to stop burying my head in the sand. I do know that my weight and my health are totally within my control and feeling better about myself and treating myself better will boost my confidence to actually deal with all the other things I need to deal with. Win Win

Don’t beat yourself up op. It doesn’t help. I found that it’s good to try and get in to a neutral realistic “what I do every day matters” mindset about weight. Obesity is rarely about food but about what is going on in your head. Build up some small good habits and aim to do them consistently, not perfectly.

A short ten minute walk after every meal helps balance blood sugars and adds up to 30 mins a day which adds up to 150 minute a week. Probably not helpful in this instance as you already walk the dog op but it’s just one example of small habits building up in to an overall win.

Also I find doing a creative craft helps with the “control” aspect you talk about. A it occupies your hands and mind in the evenings and B it gives you that sense of being able to steer things a little.

Placemarking as I have only recently seen how overweight I am. I knew I was fat, just not this fat. Its been awful realising it.