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A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

Original poster

Am I kidding myself

10 replies

jaspertown · 14/03/2023 12:06

I've been overweight my entire life, I'm 40 next month and I cannot believe I'm heading into my forties at 19 stone. I am incredibly angry at myself for letting it get to this.

I have lost and gained for years, I've tried every programme, every club hypnotherapy, the whole lot. I'll get really motivated for a few weeks, see that it's making little to no difference to my weight, think "fuck it" and pile it all back on again just as quick. I'm on a public waiting list for CBT but it could be years with the system the way it is. I can't afford private care.

I have 2 young DC and it's to the stage now where every little twinge or ache I get I think "this is it, I'm going to have a heart attack and my children will have no mother, you stupid bitch for letting it get to this". I think if the fear of leaving my children hasn't motivated me enough to stick to a plan properly up to now, what kind of a terrible person am I? Who puts crisps before their own children? I'm mortified, I'm upset, and I'm really angry and disappointed that I didn't tackle this properly years ago.

To add insult to injury I was diagnosed with Crohn's a few years ago and can't tolerate big amounts of salads, fruit, dairy, nuts or fibre. All the go-to stuff I've used before on diets. Best case scenario is the toilet for the evening, worst is A&E with a blockage. If I hadn't let myself get to this stage this wouldn't even be an issue now and I'm so fucking mad at myself.

I suppose I just wanted to get it out somewhere and ask if anyone has been in my position, did you change? Did you do it? Can you learn to forgive yourself and change things before it's too late? Or am I just kidding myself. I have about 6 stone to lose to get to a comfortable weight to me and right now it feels like I'd be more likely to climb Everest.

Thanks for listening. (NC for this).

OP posts:
Dashel · 14/03/2023 17:30

I am sorry you feel so down. I wish you could afford some therapy as it sounds like that would be ideal.

However given that you can’t I think you need to fake it till you make it. It is true that you can’t change the past, you can’t undo eating the food or anything else so you just need to tell yourself that what is done is done and to look forward and change things going forward. Take that as a mantra and keep repeating it.

I think you need to show yourself some self love and look after yourself mentally and physically so maybe something like yoga or guided meditation or spending time in nature or doing your nails or whatever self care means for you.

It isn’t too late to change and you have to believe that you can do it. Have you spoken with your GP about whether there is anything they can do to help you? You sound like you need support so keep posting and maybe see if you can get support in real life from as many people as possible.

I have found it easier to be honest about dieting rather then hide it and it makes me feel more accountable if more people know

RedDoughnut · 14/03/2023 20:30

Do you want to come and join us on the lose 30kg Thread?
We are a small friendly bunch.

Harrysmummy246 · 14/03/2023 20:46

You can do it. But not if you look at it in the all encompassing way. Break it down into smaller steps.

Ok, so you can't eat lots of salad. But you can think about how much food is on the plate, whether you're eating enough protein, whether you've got enough steps in. Pick one thing to change, just do that, every day, and after a while, it'll just be habit without thinking. Then stack on something else.

themuminator · 14/03/2023 20:58

You've got some really good advice here from other posters.

I wanted to say, go a little bit easy on yourself. You beat yourself up a lot and that's not good for you. You can be your own knight in shining armour, that's the way to a healthy life. Not by hurting yourself.

I'm just starting out on trying to lose some weight. I have around 5-6 stone to lose. It's been maybe 10 years in the making. And only now do I feel able to do something. Something has clicked and I'm doing it to be good to myself.

Join a supportive group, speak to the GP, be kind to yourself. Love yourself. You deserve it.

Original poster
jaspertown · 15/03/2023 09:36

Dashel · 14/03/2023 17:30

I am sorry you feel so down. I wish you could afford some therapy as it sounds like that would be ideal.

However given that you can’t I think you need to fake it till you make it. It is true that you can’t change the past, you can’t undo eating the food or anything else so you just need to tell yourself that what is done is done and to look forward and change things going forward. Take that as a mantra and keep repeating it.

I think you need to show yourself some self love and look after yourself mentally and physically so maybe something like yoga or guided meditation or spending time in nature or doing your nails or whatever self care means for you.

It isn’t too late to change and you have to believe that you can do it. Have you spoken with your GP about whether there is anything they can do to help you? You sound like you need support so keep posting and maybe see if you can get support in real life from as many people as possible.

I have found it easier to be honest about dieting rather then hide it and it makes me feel more accountable if more people know

Thank you. I have spoken to my GP before who is a nice man and a good doctor but not very helpful with weight related issues. His suggestion was "turn off your phone and go for a walk" which I suppose isn't bad advice but doesn't solve the problem! I have tried guided meditation but got irritated with it. I will give it another go.

OP posts:
Original poster
jaspertown · 15/03/2023 09:36

RedDoughnut · 14/03/2023 20:30

Do you want to come and join us on the lose 30kg Thread?
We are a small friendly bunch.

I will, thank you ❤

OP posts:
Original poster
jaspertown · 15/03/2023 09:37

Harrysmummy246 · 14/03/2023 20:46

You can do it. But not if you look at it in the all encompassing way. Break it down into smaller steps.

Ok, so you can't eat lots of salad. But you can think about how much food is on the plate, whether you're eating enough protein, whether you've got enough steps in. Pick one thing to change, just do that, every day, and after a while, it'll just be habit without thinking. Then stack on something else.

This is good, thank you so much. You're right.

OP posts:
Original poster
jaspertown · 15/03/2023 09:40

themuminator · 14/03/2023 20:58

You've got some really good advice here from other posters.

I wanted to say, go a little bit easy on yourself. You beat yourself up a lot and that's not good for you. You can be your own knight in shining armour, that's the way to a healthy life. Not by hurting yourself.

I'm just starting out on trying to lose some weight. I have around 5-6 stone to lose. It's been maybe 10 years in the making. And only now do I feel able to do something. Something has clicked and I'm doing it to be good to myself.

Join a supportive group, speak to the GP, be kind to yourself. Love yourself. You deserve it.

Thank you so much. I wish you the very best too. I think the guilt is my main issue. I suppose I feel like I don't deserve to be good to myself which I need to work on. x

OP posts:
Harrysmummy246 · 15/03/2023 10:33

jaspertown · 15/03/2023 09:37

This is good, thank you so much. You're right.

Show quote history

Just need to take my own advice of course. But it really is true. You can't leap a skyscraper in one go and while it takes a while up the stairs, you get there eventually. And perhaps appreciate it more.
I'm also trying to build my self belief (quite an intense conversation on that at work two weeks ago) but it is improving with each time I do even a small positive thing like one fewer biscuit or choosing a meal with more protein

FallopianTubeTrain · 15/03/2023 10:48

I have a similar amount to lose and its been there a long time. I've decided for 1 last attempt before I opt for the gastric sleeve and found a personal trainer who comes to the house. I'll be honest and say I thought it would be just one more thing in a long line of failed attempts but so far she is amazing.

I check in with her at the end of every day and 'report' my calories and exercise for the day. She does a home work out with me once a week and leaves me with a programme I can do at home designed around the space and equipment I have so i can do it in the evening after kids are asleep. She also provides nutritional advice. She's really encouraging and it keeps me focused and accountable. She charges £35 for a weekly session, not cheap but a damn sight cheaper than surgery and so far worth every penny. I'd highly recommend if it's in your budget.

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