Stuck in an awful rut and feeling totally powerless

[Darkdiamond]

I have 3 kids, including a 1 year old who I'm still breastfeeding. She doesn't sleep very well and I'm too tired to sleep train/break the nursing to sleep habit. I co sleep to get some kind of reprieve. I also work part time. No family support. I love kids, love being a mum and wouldn't even say that I'm stressed but i probably am subconsciously. My life is very busy, I'm frequently running on empty and something has changed.

Being a certain weight was always important to me, as was cooking from scratch and eating a good, nutritious, balanced diet. With my other two, I had lost the baby weight by the time each child was 1 by doing Weight Watchers breastfeeding plan. This time around, I can't do anything! I cannot deprive myself. If I want it, I have it. I can't mentally make healthier alternatives. I've tried once a month to lose weight and I just can.not.do.it.

I have started eating sugar compulsively. If I don't buy it, I find something, anything, in the cupboard to satisfy the urge. Jam. Cake decorations. The other day I randomly mixed a bit of icing sugar with butter to put on a baby biscuit. At the same time, I've lost my appetite for meals. I am almost starting to feel despair as I start feeling hungry approaching meal times. I can't face cooking or eating...and yet I have a ravenous appetite for rubbish when I get my hands on it.

I've lost 6kg since I came home from the hospital with my baby a year ago, and have another 4 to go and the scale is starting to go back up. I am just sick of constantly thinking about food. I'm sick of it. Its not so much the amount t but the sense of complete helplessness.

I was a chubby teenager and lost 4.5 stone when I was 20, keeping it off until I got pregnant at 31. I lost 4 stone again, got pregnant again and, and lost the weight a 3rd time around. I'm a stone under my maximum weight for my height but the sense of being out of control is worse than not being at my dream weight.

What on earth is happening to me?
I've done calorie counting/myfitnesspal/WeightWatchers and had great success. I've even gone sugar free and the weight fell off. I just cannot mentally even handle the thought of having to exercise a modicum of self control one more time. Definitely do not want to exercise.

I feel like a complete slave to comfort/dopamine food. I don't have the time or the desire to meal plan/batch cook. There's just no room in my brain. I feel like I'm running on adrenaline all the time and if I continue like this, I will end up over my BMI, and in an even more powerless position.

Please can someone give me some pointers, ideas, support, anything.

I already drink a lot of water but that's the only positive about my diet, which used to be so fresh, colourful and full of healthy ingredients. I dont know what has happened to me.

Just here saying the same. Lost weight last year. Felt great. Looked great. Had a bit to lose after my baby. Got back on the sugar train at Christmas, and I just can’t get back off... The compulsion is so powerful. Also think I’m doing it to feed stress, but it’s just making me feel depressed. My weight was stable but it’s creeping back up!

Exactly the same here. Its an awful trap.

Ahh so.eone brought round biscuits and treats and I shoved them into my mouth even though I didn't want them. Its like being under a spell!

I was going to say, perhaps increase your protein intake to keep you fuller. Protein shakes? Or keep healthy protein nearby so you reach for that instead of sugar! We've all been there though, I found myself reaching for sugar when trying to survive the day with small children

I’m the same. I just can’t ignore cravings. Trying to intermittent fast to learn to just get through hunger cues, not going great as I crack in the evenings, but starting later in the day does reduce how much rubbish I eat.

You're so right. I cut sugar before and ate loads of protein and was loving life! I think you've a point. I've overloaded on carbs for weeks.

The evenings 😥the weakest, most vulnerable times!!!

@Darkdiamond even last night I got in bed and had to get back out of bed again for a snack! I’ve started to up my calorie allowance as restricting too much causes me to crack, hard. Slow and steady wins the race ey.

For me I have to sort of cold turkey it, then it gets easier. Craving for a couple of days then it wears off and I start craving the healthy lovely colourful food again.

I'm a stone under my maximum weight for my height

Do you mean your bmi or the maximum weight in your own head?

I think if you mean bmi you are doing very well to be a stone under the maximum after having a baby not do long ago so maybe you are being a bit hard on yourself.

I do know what you mean about the cravings though. Sugar is addictive- the more you have the more you want and the sugar they put in crappy junk food is the absolute worst. The only way I can get out of the rut is to cut it out completely. I’ve cut it out since beginning of January and lost 8lbs (still 20lbs to go!) but I find after a week I just don’t crave it the same any more, you have to go cold turkey! A good alternative when I want something sweet is to chop up some fruit and sprinkle Truvia over it - it tastes just like sugar and has the same grainy consistency unlike a lot of sweeteners but hardly any calories.

A stone under my BMI max, sorry should have said that. Even still, I'm spilling out of everything...even some of my pyjamas Dont fit. Cutting out sugar completely is probably the only way. Does truvia make you feel Diet Cokey afterwards?