Scared to be slim again

[Needtoheal]

Hi

Need to put this out there and try to motivate self.

During 5 years of ivf I was ridiculously healthy. I worked out, eat well, was slim and confident. With each miscarriage or fail I upped the anti.

I had a really healthy pregnancy. I barely gained any weight and kept active and will throughout.

My other half didn't come near me intimately during pregnancy. Just too scared something would go wrong. I found this rejection really hard to be honest and has left some very permanent scars in our marriage.

I left hospital and Just seemed to give up. I ate and drink whatever wanted. Idea of intimacy with other half made me feel so miserable after feeling so rejected I comfort ate alot. I wanted to spend every second with my baby the first two years and working out was so far off my mind.

I am not huge but am overweight. I don't like it. I start healthier habits again then give up. It's almost like I'm.scared of being slim and confident again. It reminds me of a time when things were dark - life was all ivf and losses/fails. Times of desperately wanting partner to be intimate with me but wouldn't. What if I actually get there and partner doesn't want me again?

How do I get through the walls I put up and motivate self to diet. I know what need to do I just cant seem able.

I really understand this and have felt the same myself. But, stop yourself. Your fear comes from a deeper place.

How did you find the motivation/break through?

Sorry to hear your issues. If he doesn't want you then so be it. Be strong and deal with it. Chances are he won't though. Be patient and take it one step at a time.

I understand your fear, but please don’t be afraid you just have to try, try, and try again. Don’t lose hope

@Needtoheal There’s a lot to unpick there, maybe some counselling would help?

But, I think you’ve answered a lot of your own questions. You said he wouldn’t come near you while you were pregnant for fear of something going wrong. So he wasn’t rejecting you, he was being overly cautious, which is understandable after everything you’d both gone through.

You say what if you get slim and he ‘doesn’t want you again’ - but it wasn’t that he didn’t want you, and wasn’t anything to do with being slim. He was trying to protect the pregnancy.

The best thing you can do for yourself and for your baby is to be the healthiest version of yourself. So maybe don’t focus on actually getting slim, start with focussing on making healthy choices again.

Does your partner do any kind of fitness? Could you maybe suggest starting running together, or even some long walks together? It might be a good way just to spend some quality time together, while also getting exercise.

You are so right.

It's hard to remember that sometimes but it was to protect our little bean.

I had some counselling during ivf rounds and losses but I think you are right. I guess I thought the trauma would all go when had a baby in arms which is has to some extent.

We don't have anyone we comfortably would leave our child with to go do joint exercise tbh. They go to nursery three days a week while I work and we have used nursery babysitter few times for meals out here and there. When they are bigger we will leave them with some family I think but yes does running and does suggest I go. Which I do intermittently but no reason why I can't go more regularly. Then just stop the comfort eating for good!!!!

You are right. Although only a little overweight I be motivated to be healthiest I can for our precious one!

Thank you x x

It sounds like you invested in fitness to get yourself as healthy as possible in hopes for pregnancy, it sounds like your husband dealt with this in a similar way. He didn’t reject you but he was doing what he felt he could to have a healthy pregnancy.

we don’t have anyone we leave our child with either so I do all home workouts and they’re great. I only need dumbbells and resistance bands and do it in the living room whilst my boy plays with toys in a playpen. I’ve been doing this since he was a few weeks old, he’s now 1.5.

there’s loads of great home workouts out there. I use the Courtney black app, she’s not for everyone but it works for me and there’s multiple trainers on there. Also really affordable