So unhappy yet won't do anything about it because food makes me happy

[solost429471]

I am late 20s, nearing to 16 stone, and I've probably never been so unhappy/embarrassed with how I look than right now. I am also at my heaviest weight too. I can't even think about dating right now.

None of my clothes fit and every night I go to bed dreading what to wear the next day. Yet, the morning arrives and I find myself buying a croissant for breakfast. Then thinking about lunch and getting happy about what food I am going to eat later. I eat because it makes me happy. But actually, it doesn't. It is making me incredibly, incredibly sad but I don't know how to break this vicious cycle.

To give an idea of my diet... this is what I have eaten today:

Full-fat latte from Caffe Nero
Pan aux raisin

3 bourbon biscuits

Small portion of chicken curry and rice for lunch
2 tbsps approx of coleslaw
Cucumber
Some melon

2 mini dairy milk chocolates

1 spring roll with at least 30g of full fat mayo and soy sauce
About 10 stuffed olives from Waitrose
Lettuce and cucumber with Pizza Express dressing
90g dry pasta with Pesto and more Pizza Express dressing
Quarter of a large pizza from Sainsburys with probably at least another 30g (maybe more) of full fat mayo

Cadbury flake dessert
Half of a big galaxy chocolate bar
About a 1/3 of a cookie
Cup of tea

Drinks:
1.5 glass of Pepsi max
1 glass of squash
and that's it

I was debating about ordering a Wagamama or a Nando's takeaway, but decided against it.

I know it's bad, so bad, but I am just stuck in such a rut...

Thanks for reading if you have made it this far!

I have no suggestions but came on to say I am exactly the same, although weight significantly more than you. I absolutely adore food and use it to reward myself or if I'm having a bad day which is most days ! My health is really struggling, I have a bad back and can barely walk for more than 30 minutes.

You have to retrain yourself. It's hard but I lost 3 stone doing a low carb diet and quitting as much sugar as possible. Set yourself small goals and be determined. Use the my fitness pal app religiously to begin with and it should encourage you.

It’s the sugar. You can eat but instead eat protein and fat, low carb veggies and cut out the shit drinks. The weight will come off beautifully and you won’t feel hungry.

You need to start by changing one thing, then doing it until it becomes habit. Maybe start with breakfast.

Instead of trying to restrict yourself, just try to fill up with good food? The only protein in your diet is the chicken in the small salad and perhaps some of the dairy in the other bits. By all means have a croissant but have two boiled eggs with it. If you do that you’ll probably find you don’t have a sugar crash and want the biscuits, at lunch choose whatever you like but make sure you having a lot of protein again. The protein will act like an armour for cravings. Don’t worry about things like “full fat” latte - fat like that is good for you.

Could you try swapping some small things as a start? Get skimmed milk in your latte? Swap the chocolates for some chocolate oat milk? Etc.

Start small and work your way up. Sugar is addictive so if you manage to kick the sugary snacks your meals are fine.

I resonate with your post. I started ordering Gousto boxes (4 portions of each meal) so I always had dinner and lunch prepped, and then worked on breakfast.

Other friends had good experience with Noom and another with counselling and hypnotherapy.

You deserve to feel happy in your own skin. And you deserve to enjoy food. If you don’t look after your body, where are you going to live?

I do get despondent sometimes when I see other people pile it straight back on. A colleague lost around 2.5 stone doing low carb, then has been on holiday abroad for a couple of weeks and without sounding rude she seems to have put most of it back on just by going back to her old ways for a few weeks, so i guess you have to be in it for the long haul and just make low carbing a way of life? Well done on your weight loss.

It's the age old tug of war between short term pleasure and long term happiness. You know you need to eat less/better but the part of your mind that equates food with satisfaction/comfort overrides your logical brain.

Have a look at college nutritionist on Instagram, also has a website Best Body Rachel Paul.

She has a meal planner and helps people work on the emotional connection to eating as well. 3 meals and 2 snacks a day, loads of food, whole, fresh and really, really fast to prepare.

Im sure your colleague will have taken full advantage of the hospitality on holiday and if she’s gone back to bad ways then the weight will go back on.

What works for me a lots of activity across the day paired with low carb. Zero junk. No soda.

I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm a comfort eater and it seems like life frequently revolves around me eating my feelings. Happy or sad, my answer is to eat.

Start by making some small changes, just tiny ones. Build them up slowly. Or you can try something more drastic (it's worked for me in the past) but it needs an iron will - and keeping very busy as a distraction - and it's easy to fall off the wagon. I'd suggest small changes to start with.

You don't seem to drink any water??? Apart from not being dehydrated (!), water will help reduce the cravings as well as fill you up. Try a glass of water before you try a snack (at least you'll be hydrated that way!)

My weight is a reflection of how (un)happy I am. When I'm unhappy/stressed, I put weight on (a lot of weight!) as I try to make myself feel better by eating "something nice" and once I start, I just can't stop. I think I'm trying to fill the hole in my heart with food. But of course the feeling lasts for an instant and then I hate myself and my body and promise I'll start being "good" from tomorrow morning and so the cycle starts again. It only stops when my weight disgusts me more than the pleasure I get from eating. And it can take an extra 4 stones before I hit that point. I hit it (again) in July this year. I'd put 4 stone on in 2 years. I'm being pretty strict with myself (and upping my exercise) and have manage to lose 1.5 stone of that weight since then. I'm on track to lose it all by Feb next year although currently laid up following surgery and fighting the desire to eat all day.

It's hard. It's an addiction but with food, you can't avoid it, you have to eat. I try to take it one meal at a time, sometimes one hour at a time.

Low carb works for me too. A few days when all I can think of is sugar (high carb low fat processed food ).

Once though that 'withdrawal' (I honestly believe that it is sugar withdrawal ) then I settle down quite happily, drink lots of water and eat good food. My appetite diminishes significantly and I can leave long periods of time without eating and still make good choices about what to eat.

Loosening the hold that sugar has on me makes such a difference, makes my life do much better.

Everything I know about low carb, I learned on the Mumsnet low carb boot camp threads. There is a warm welcome over there for anyone who might be interested

Reading your diet I'd say you're got yourself a sugar problem, like most people, because it's in everything these days and it's so addictive.

If you're motivated, you could go cold turkey and probably have a few weeks of cravings, then your palate and your metabolism will be reset and you'll feel a million bucks. I Quit Sugar programme might help?

It’s the sugar. You can eat but instead eat protein and fat, low carb veggies and cut out the shit drinks. The weight will come off beautifully and you won’t feel hungry.

Yep, it's the sugar. It's an addiction. Try cutting it back to weekends only and then cutting it right down.

@solost429471 hi

Well done on acknowledging there's a problem. Before you start any different food journeys it's time to address what you are eating to escape/ avoid. Make a list of the personal benefits to you if you were a few stone lighter.
I would also explore the weight loss chats on Mumsnet, you will see you are not alone and there will be posts that resonate with you. Good luck OP you clearly have insight into your weight management and are taking steps to address it. I believe that you can tackle this successfully.

Firstly OP you need to drink more. Drink water and cut out the sugary drinks.
Eat more fruit and veg.
And count calories just for a little while so you truthfully know how much your eating.

You have had some good advice here but I would also suggest to look at your thinking. You are just like me, an emotional eater. I love food and love thinking about it. Makes me happy... for a very little while.
I started listening to this podcast and a lot of it really makes sense.

@solost429471

i am dieting too so if you want support pm me

Oh god some real nonsense on this thread!

OP, take it one step at a time.

First make sure you're getting 5 a day, or fruit and veg at each meal.

Then, make sure you're drinking enough water - this will make it easier to drink less soda and eat less.

Next, set a regular meal schedule. 3 meals a day. Or 3 meals a day plus one or two snacks.

Next, eating habits - eat at the table, slowly, mindfully, no distractions/TV. Be present - how do you feel? Being mindful will make the food more enjoyable and make it easier to moderate.

Finally, portion sizes. Reduce them or replace more and more with veg or fruit until you're consistently losing weight. Be patient and aim for 1lb a week or so, it will be gone before you know it and you will fix your relationship with food and build sustainable habits for life.

Optional but encouraged: exercise. Even just walks only.

I've lost 55 lbs and eat whatever I want, but follow the above "rules". No dieting, restricting. I love my daily walks and appreciate food so much more now.

Aw it’s so hard isn’t it. I think with the weather getting colder now too, makes it much harder. You really need to try and be strict with yourself. I think if you maybe keep a food diary that might help as it can make you 1. Take some accountability and 2. Actually seeing it wrote down (like you have done above) can be both shocking and motivating. Give yourself a weekly budget for food and do meal preps for some healthy meals throughout the week. If you have to order out, go for the low calorie options.

a good way to look at it I find is in 6 months time you will have wished you started now. Don’t keep putting it off. It hasn’t got to be all misery. Also see if you can get a friend to diet with you / work out. And another piece of advice is think about how you feel after eating rubbish food before you actually eat it. Is it worth the guilt?

good look op.

theres nothing wrong with enjoying food! But maybe just find some wholesome things you really enjoy too - for instance I love a bowl of homemade soup, that makes me happy! For treats, I find that quality helps. If you need to have that sense of having a treat, I find that having a small truly delicious bit of posh chocolate works in place of a bar of more sugary stuff. You can do it. I was chubbier when younger, now in mid 40s I am slim but really enjoy my food with just a mindset shift

I love food too. I dont think I am especially an emotional eater, but got to 17 stone by saying YES! too often. I’m having to lose weight now because of 2 serious health issues. It’s weird but I procrastinated for ages because I love food but strangely, once I got going, I discovered I love it even more now, because every calorie has to count, so I eat really lovely stuff. You clearly do eat too much sugar, but you eat really widely as well. Have porridge or protein for breakfast, and have one lovely sweet thing a week, you can spend all week choosing. Double gold star if you make it yourself. Start playing with salads and soups. They are easy and tasty. Drink water. I resisted calorie counting for decades because I despise the diet industry and also I’m crap at sums. But it is working for me now. I also use My Fitness Pal.
Good luck, just take a deep breath and jump. It will be fine.

Half Size Me and Losing 100lbs with Corinne Crabtree are really useful podcasts.

Low carb has worked brilliantly for me & I've kept the weight off.