DH has gained more weight, don’t know what to do☹️

[Cameleongirl]

DH (50) has struggled with his weight for a while and was shocked to discover in 2019 that he was classed as obese. His doctor advised him then to lose 30lbs and he was able to lose 10, but then plateaued.

He went in today for a minor ailment and has gained another 20lbs, so now needs to lose 50. His blood pressure is also getting high. ☹️
He goes to a gym so definitely has muscle tone, and walks most days., but it’s clearly not enough. I think he probably eats too much and he likes a drink, but usually sticks to just one so hardly heavy drinking..

I feel shocked, really scared of the health consequences and losing him early, we have so much we want to do in our 50’s and beyond. But there’s nothing I can really do, is there? We both enjoy exercising so that’s not an issue. He’s only going to lose weight when he’s ready.
I’m scared.

I would recommend something close to Keto for him. Men can lose weight so quickly once they get in the groove. He needs to get the carbs low and cut out processed foods. I bet you he is snacking on things you don’t know about outside the house.

It needs to come from him, OP.

I'm a lifelong fattie and after a massive health scare a few years ago have somehow managed to lose 4 stone and have about the same again to go. I have weeks where I'm engaged and weeks where I'm not, and it's not an easy journey. But it's had to come from me and me alone.

You’re right, it has to come from him, but you can help by not having bad food in the house. Another thing I remember reading is to not drink your calories, so alcohol/lattes etc are out.

It does need to be him but you can definitely support the most you can! I would think if he’s 50kgs overweight it’s both diet and exercise that need working on. If he’s eating excessively then a normal amount of exercise won’t go far. Could you overhaul your diet completely together? Could you try hello fresh or something that gives you easy healthy options and make a thing of it together. Once he loses a big chunk and feels great I reckon it will spur him on! Best of luck xxxx

@sjxoxo It's 50lbs he needs to lose, not kilos, so not quite so daunting, thank goodness!

You're right, @KangarooKenny , he loves his lattes! We tend to eat pretty well, and he's the only family member who's overweight so I suspect there's some secret snacking going on.

Keto is not sustainable or healthy. You want him to have clogged arteries from all the fat in meat and have a heart attack?

It's really concerning how often reckless advice like this is given out.

So we were both wfh today and took the dog out for a quick walk this morning. DH suggested we get a coffee (that means a latte for him).
I said I didn’t want a coffee and luckily the coffee shop was closed anyway.

Later, we were having leftovers for lunch and he was serving himself a massive portion. I said we should leave some for DS as he’s always hungry straight after football.

I’m realizing that despite yesterday’s shock about his weight, he hasn’t taken it onboard (yet) that he needs to cut back. I’m trying to be encouraging without nagging. 😂

Have you considered joining a slimming group like slimming world or weight watchers?
Or perhaps a personal trainer who can give meal plans?

@JLQ1020 I was thinking about a personal trainer at his gym. He does go regularly, but has never done workouts to lose weight, more for muscle tone.

I think meal plans would be great, but he’d have to be willing and I don’t want to turn this into an issue between us. He needs to want this himself.

Noom is great

Calorie counting so that he knows how much he can eat

Weight loss is almost entirely about diet. Exercise has other health benefits, but he needs to focus mainly on his diet.

Agree that it has to come from him too.

Does he actually want to lose weight? There is point pushing him into it by doing passive aggressive things like avoiding the coffee shop or suggesting he leaves food for later. Losing weight is the easy part, keeping it off is a lifelong commitment so it really does need to come from him.

I know, @DeeofDenmark , but it’s difficult knowing what to do.

If he decides not to try and lose weight, what then? The doctor says he’s obese, not slightly overweight, so his blood pressure will continue to rise, increased likelihood of heart attacks and strokes, diabetes, etc. We have so many plans for our 50’s and beyond. ☹️

You can tell him that you are scared, and explain why. Then listen to what he says, if anything.

@SparklingLime I think because he feels fine now, he doesn’t take it seriously. A poster upthread said they took action after a serious health scare-so perhaps that’s what it’ll take.

Sounds like he has the fitness side nailed, he needs a calorie deficit.

Get the my fitness pal app (free) up his protein, healthy fats and veg. Cut out all sugars and booze. Monitor calories

I recommend a program like Joe Wicks that you can do at home, when it suits you. You could do it with him to motivate him?

But you’re taking it seriously. Have you told him how you feel? Without aiming for a certain outcome - just telling him the effect this is having on you now: