How do you balance disordered eating?

[EDdieting]

This could be long! I have an undiagnosed eating disorder and have for years mostly due to my mum being very down/abusive over my weight
I've always been overweight but in the tall sturdy kind of way, between a 14-18
Started missing breakfast to do intermittent fasting which is fine, and was working well as I wasn't getting hungry until lunch

A very recent breakup has made my ED flare up and I can't get my head around how to eat. I'm skipping breakfast and tea most days and eating only lunch and maybe one small snack like a protein shake
Exercising (cardio mostly) 5-6 days a week and I do about an hour in total with yoga and stretching etc

Weight loss zero. And then I'm browsing social media and it's all "obese people just need to eat less and move more" and I'm "how much less?!" Had 1100 calories today and burned around 400 in exercise which is a fairly normal day, and my BMR is 1785

I don't know what to do counting calories flares my ED but I don't want to be this obese any more

I can somewhat relate as I also have an ED and have done since I was in my mid teens. My issue has always been putting weight on, I have been seriously malnourished and underweight at times and only got my BMI back into the ‘healthy range’ for my height in the last few years.
What’s helped me massively was changing my mind set, focusing on protein intake and not calories. If I start counting calories I’ll relapse and go back to having one small meal a day. I’ve really got into weight lifting over cardio as there’s studies that prove higher muscle mass burns more calories when you’re at rest then fat does. Please look into weight lifting I really recommend it, it’s scary at first as there’s mostly buff men in there and you don’t really know what you’re doing but you don’t have to go in and squat 100kg on your first day. (If you want more advice on this I.e workout routines, how to split days or what weights to do just ask I’ll be happy to help)

Please do not eat 1100 calories a day it’s not healthy and you’ll actually send your body into shock where it thinks your starving and will do everything in its power to preserve energy by holding onto fat storage.
‘The body also deliberately slows down metabolism to preserve energy stores and minimise weight loss. When the body senses depleted fat stores it triggers adaptive thermogenesis, a process which further reduces resting metabolic rate – and may stunt weight loss despite strict dieting. Adaptive thermogenesis can kick in within three days of starting a diet, and is suggested to persist way beyond dieting – even hampering weight maintenance and favouring weight regain’ https://theconversation.com/amp/dieting-may-slow-metabolism-but-it-doesnt-ruin-it-154620

To have effecting weight loss you only need to be in a calorie deficit of 200-300 calories a day below your maintenance calories. You can work out your maintenance calories online there are loads of websites you can use but as a rule of thumb women are typically around 2000 mark and men 2,500.

You are more then your eating disorder. You can do this! Hope this helps.

I've lifted a lot before and did really enjoy it but I can't afford the gym and I had to stop heavy weights after a spinal op. I miss deadlifting (120kg PR)!
Currently doing a cardio challenge for 6 weeks but after that I was planning to do a strength programme which is 3 sessions a week for 4 weeks so that should be good (I have dumbbells with plates at home)

It's just fucking frustrating as I should lose weight but I can eat under my BMR and lose 1lb a month and then gain it back. At my weight I should be shedding stones, not losing and gaining the same 1lb

Usually I have
Salad or sandwich for lunch with protein
Lentil crisp things
Fibre one brownie or mini choc bar or apple (chocolate is my vice)

Then for tea something like an omelette with spinach and mushrooms or Greek yoghurt and fruit. If i feel I haven't eaten too much for lunch then I batch cook and have cottage pie and veg or something

Today I just had the above lunch

Wow. 120kg deadlift! Tell me your secret, I can only do about 3x6 at 60kg at the moment but happy with my 100kg hip thrust at 3x6 but it’s progress over product I guess 🤷‍♂️ Then again always preferred upper body days but live in fear I’ll become one of them gym lads with a massive upper body and tiny legs if I don’t have at least a couple leg days a week 😂.
I think the strength program will be brilliant for you and something you’ll enjoy if you use to lift a lot anyway.
I honestly believe you’re just not eating enough and as I said above your body is slowing its metabolism to retain energy stores, what you are eating tho sounds health so maybe just much of the same but in larger quantities or more often.
What’s your day to day like tho, are you a generally active person, active job?

Job is totally sedentary as in I'm at a desk for a full day and can't move around, think call centre
Hence I try and make up for it with cardio after work I guess and as much stretching as possible. Finding the stretching definitely helps my back as need to take care of that after the op and with being sat all day

The strength programme is 40 mins, 3 times a week so doable with the cardio but I'm also doing a spin challenge of 100 miles over 2 days in October....

Are you drinking plenty of water?

Loads. Always have done! I drank a litre in a 30 min workout tonight