I've hit rock bottom - I need to change.

[ItsTimeToChange]

I'm 5ft 5in and weigh 17 stone. My whole body aches and though I'm in my early thirties, I feel as if I'm in my eighties. Even going up the stairs is a struggle and I can barely walk to the corner shop.

I had my first baby four months ago and I desperately want to sort myself out so I am a positive role model for him, and to ensure I'm here for him as long as possible. At the moment, I even find lifting him out of his cot/getting down on the floor to change him very difficult and it makes me so sad.

I've struggled with my weight since my teens and have yo-yoed dramatically over the years, but this is the heaviest I've ever been and I know I need to change.

I'm pretty sure I have undiagnosed binge eating disorder and since the birth of my son, it's got out of control. Becoming a parent is obviously a time of change and adjustment, and overeating has always been my 'coping mechanism' in previous situations when I've felt like things were out of my control. I feel like a very weak person, in every sense of the word.

I need to accept that my choices are destroying my health, and I'm the only person standing in my way. It's like I've hit the self-destruct button and I'm consumed with self-loathing.

I guess my reason for posting is, I needed to write it down and hold myself accountable. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and conquered their eating disorder?

I know the first step is always the hardest. But I'm not putting it off anymore.

I can't offer any advice as I'm similar. I'm almost 17 stones. My baby is almost 10 months and the pregnancy and stress of 4 months of colic impacted on my binge eating. When I was doing night feeds I was stress eating and eating lots of biscuits and chocolate. Now trying to turn over a new leaf and look at trying to lose at least 3 stones by next spring. I can relate to a lot of your post. I hope we can conquer this.

I was in a similar position to you before Covid. Since then I’ve lost 5.5 stone and feel so much better for it. I can’t pretend I’ve totally conquered my demons, I’m still a binge eater and I over eat almost every day but now I have about 5 days a week where I binge on very low calorie food (cucumbers, beetroot, carrots etc) and then the other two days a week I still binge on crisps and chocolates. For me, because I knew I didn’t have the willpower to just eat teeny tiny portions I went for a two pronged approach…first was replacing a lot of snacks with fruit/veg, so I still get to eat all day but don’t take in nearly as many calories, and second was forcing myself to do the absolute maximum amount of exercise that I can possibly do. At the beginning that was just going for a little walk, then my walks became quicker and longer, then I started doing HIIT videos on you tube and now I do a good hour of hard exercise every day.
it took maybe two years and as I said I haven’t in any way addressed the overeating but I am now a healthy weight and so far have maintained it for nearly a year.
not sure if any of this will help you but I hope it does. Whatever happens just start afresh each day and be gentle with yourself x