Grief made me gain weight

[evaisa]

Hi Ladies,

So, long story short, my mum died in February from a short illness. I am absolutely heartbroken. She was incredible and I feel so angry and devastated that she's gone. I couldn't go to her funeral as it was in Ukraine and I live in a different country, and the war and all...

I am really trying to hold everything together; looking after my 2 nursery-age kids, work, exercise, being a good mum etc. I'm getting therapy, going for regular runs. But, I've gained around 4kg and I'm still unable to shift the weight.

I don't really know what I'm asking. I guess, I want to feel better, and I know I can't do anything to feel better about my mum being gone, but I can at least do something about my weight.

I guess what I'm asking is: Has anyone else been in this situation where they were grieving and trying to lose weight? What, if anything, helped?

Thank you for your support ❤

I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my Mum at the stage you are now, with young kids. At that time, I was also plump for me (probably 6-7kg more than now, which came on after kids but I think it was hard to take action with a terminally ill parent - mum was never well while I had children).

Really, I would counsel patience and self compassion. Don’t underestimate the strain on you right now - i look back and just see it far more clearly! I lost weight easily in the end, but a year or two on, with slightly older kids and a little bit more time to grieve. You are doing the right thing exercising, and if you are eating nutritious food, also great be wise that’s being kind to yourself. I was good about exercise too at that time. This protected my mental health and meant that when I had a little more head space and energy, it was just pretty easy to dial it up a bit, do ten mile runs and make healthy salads and then the weight went. I have to say, sleeping better alone probably shifted some of the weight at that point.

But don‘t turn anything into a punishment right now. Try to have faith that you are doing enough xxx

Hi OP

Firstly I'm so sorry you've lost your mum. Your world has changed and it really hard x

I would echo @random9876. It's early days and you just need to try and eat well, sleep well and exercise.. if you're managing that then you're doing well.

I lost my elderly father and my only sibling within a year of each other. I was already overweight and hating it, but for many months after I drank too much, ate too much, and sat on the sofa too much. Lockdown did me no favours mentally or physically.

Eventually I felt able to tackle my weight, because as you say it made me feel better about myself, although didn't help the grief.

You will also feel able to soon. In the meantime just try and look after yourself

How are you doing @evaisa ? I didn't particularly have any advice as i am at a similar stage to you - my dad died at the end of April and while trying to work, and look after a two year old i don't really feel i have had time to grieve properly but instead just eat too much, drink too much and then hate myself for it so i just wanted you to know you are not alone and i hope that in time things will feel slightly less heavy, and in turn will help with weight too.

Thank you so much to you kind ladies for sharing your experiences. ❤I'm so sorry for your losses and am so grateful for your insight.

I'm doing better now, with some holiday coming up and some long chats with my husband about how we can better share the load whilst I deal with grief. I've broken a lot of things by accident lately, including scratching the side of our family car on a parking ticket meter. I've been really trying to hold it together, but I think this was a real wakeup call that I can't keep doing so much when I'm not okay.

I'm also taking antidepressants and I'm on my third week and starting to feel better. Ironically, that has helped already with weight loss as I lost my appetite in the first 2 weeks.

I've just got promoted at work, and said no to a few freelance contracts. Not normally something I would do, but I realised something had to give, and your experiences really helped me see my own situation in a different light.

Thank you so much for all your help and I hope you're all doing better now 💕