So ashamed of post pregnancy body

[jefficake]

I’m just about 7months post birth.
Really tricky birth and pregnancy , and as well as emergency c section had to have a laparotomy (so my stomach was cut from bottom to top as well as across). I have quite big stomach muscle separation that I can feel. I didn’t gain excessive weight in pregnancy.

I’ve never been skinny but just before I was pregnant I was - for the first time - just feeling ok in my skin (size 12/14). Now I’m about a stone over pre pregnancy weight (so size 14/16 for me depending on what I’m wearing). I have been doing weight watchers since feb and in that time only lost 3lbs (?!) and feel drained of energy and starving a lot of the time

I exercise a lot (running 3 times a week, spinning, walking at least an hour every day as well). This is exhausting but I feel like I need to keep at it because if I don’t i will balloon.

basically I don’t know what to do. I’m so ashamed of my body. My stomach and abdomen are so huge - I basically look about 6 months pregnant. I have lovely mum friends but they all have lovely slim figures and I feel like an absolute whale next to them. I just dread the idea that people are looking at me thinking how fat I am or wondering why I’m pregnant with a small baby. I also can’t bear the thought that people who know me are thinking that I’ve ballooned since having a baby.

I don’t know why I’m posting really. I suppose if anyone has advice from a similar experience or any positivity to share. But also just to vent a bit because I need to say aloud how sad it’s all making me feel

(Also i know I should be amazed by my body and what it did. But I can’t get past what I see in the mirror which is just awful).

Firstly - your body isn't just post partum. You've had MAJOR abdominal surgery.

Secondly, your worth is NOT related to either your weight nor what you look like.

.... ahem

What clothes make you happy? I love middi dresses - have a look and think what you like to wear that makes you happy? Buy some. In the right size you are NOW.

Stop weight watchers. You're starving. Why? You're probably not eating enough for the amount of exercise you are doing.

Find a nutritionist for your "diet" and find a PT / physio for some exercise but you want to move your body for fun, endorphins and because you deserve it. Not for punishment.

My advice?
Go hardcore low/ no carb.

Agree with some of the other advice - repeat to yourself 'my weight is not my self worth.'
Try an alternative to WW - agree 3lb doesn't sound like a lot given how much you're doing / exercising.
You can and will lose weight but in the meantime retrain your brain - excess weight does not make you less of / a different person.

I think you need to be a little kinder to yourself, your body went through growing a baby and then major surgery and then taking care of a newborn. If your muscle gap is significant then I would suggest seeing your gp

you’re being incredibly harsh on yourself. It takes at least a year for our bones to even move back after giving birth. You not only grew and birthed a human being, you had extremely serious major surgery. You’re keeping your baby alive. Sounds like you’re doing an overwhelming amount of exercise on top of that. Please cut yourself a break. You’re frankly astonishing.

I went back to the gym 3 months after my first born, 7 after my second and 13 months after my third. In hindsight I'm embarrassed at how shocked I was that it was so much easier the last time. Are you getting enough sleep and rest without the exercise? When I was rested and had everything set up and life was smooth running the third time it was all so much easier. Instead of struggling the second time on no sleep and so upset I couldn't go back to normal and a loss of identity. I wouldn't buy nice clothes incase they "encouraged" me to stay overweight. My mom took me in hand on that one and said go out and buy a few cheap bits you feel good in and at least you won't despair every time you're looking in the wardrobe. It can be so tough

I have separated stomach muscles so I self referred to women's physio. It's been really helpful, I've been given specific exercises to help and also go to a very good pilates class which gently targets core muscles. Its a very long and slow process and the gap won't completely close, but I'm starting to see an improvement. Worth a try?

Gosh. thanks all. I don't know what I was expecting response, but these replies are so lovely and supportive - literally made me tear up a bit.

I think I'm probably at the point where I'm starting to realise that I'm definitely not 'snapping back' (bleugh to that phrase) and I need to live with this new body which is a different shape, and needs different things!

@fangle @Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov I think I was wearing quite baggy clothes pre pregnancy because I do fit into quite a lot of them now (obviously they are tighter) but yeh, I think buying myself something new and nice is probably a good shout.

@user1506328491 @KittyWindbag yeh I think WW just isnt cutting it. My OH thinks I'm doing far too much exercise. And also it's all just quite stressful to go on top of looking after my little girl / everything else life has!

@The4Seasons @Cheesewiz Thank you - I've got an appointment with GP in a few weeks to look at my stomach and check for separation again. So naive that I didn't know this was a massive post pregnancy thing 😳

Find a physio who specialises in women's health. They will check your ab separation and show you exercises to heal it. The GP is unlikely to do anything.

Hi OP,

I’d do less cardio and focus more on toning your stomach and building up your tummy muscles.

Get a referral if you can for physio or pay private if you can. I’d probably invest in a few sessions with a personal trainer if I could afford it.

Agree with others that the weight watchers doesn’t sound like it’s working.

Also remember that’s it’s still early days! I was 9 months PP before I started to feel myself again. I’m almost 11 months now and am starting to wear my pre pregnancy clothes and I had a straightforward vaginal birth. In your position I’d view it as process of healing and strengthening first then tackle loosing weight when baby is closer to 1.

Like PP buying a few outfits in the sales made such a difference to me too, I think I was around 6 months PP when I got fed up of still wearing maternity clothes that didn’t really fit and really didn’t look good.

Are you still breastfeeding? Just a point to take that into account with and diets etc that you try. I still have to eat like a horse to keep the supply up.

Do you need more rest? Sleep and recovery are a massive part of losing fat. But honestly you are way too hard on yourself. Maybe less cardio more rest and your stomach sticking out could be postural not weight related at all. I would second a women's health physio. You may need to really focus on strengthening those core muscles so they can support you.

Again you are way too harsh to yourself. Imagine your best friend is your inner monologue, what would she say? Because you should be your best friend

Thank you. I think a womens physio a good shout because I do think the cardio (esp running) is just not good for my body at the moment.
@PinkPlantCase Thank you for putting in your timescale. It feels like all the mothers around me have just clicked back into their old selves - but I suppose I only know whats on the surface. And, I think I need to accept my stomach will never be the same - not least because it looks like a shark has bitten me twice 😂
@Laserbird16 Thank you. The 'trying to be your own best friend' is such good advice which I suspect we all might struggle with. But something to keep trying at.