Why can't I do it?

[feelingdownandmassive]

N/C as I am mortified about what I am about to post.

I am so down about myself. I just saw photos of myself from various weekend social events and I feel like I never want to leave the house again, I look so awful. I have been overweight for most of my life and am now 42.

I have tried everything from low carb to weightwatchers to calorie counting to gyms and PTs and while I have some success, I always fall off the wagon or get frustrated.

I am almost 18 stone 😢. When was 22 I lost weight and went from 14 stone to 11.5 stone through low card but it was unsustainable. I was 14 stone when I got married 10 years ago but 2 DC (and lockdown) later, I am almost 4 stone heavier.

I have a fitbit (walk on average 12000 steps a day) and use nutracheck, do two online dance classes per week but nothing helps. I have hypothyroidism, endometriosis, anxiety and am peri-menopausal so tell myself it is harder to lose weight with these issues.

I have a holiday booked in July and am dreading it tbh. We are going with family and I can't bear to sit being so flabby and miserable.

I don't know why I am even posting, really. Does anyone have any suggestions of accountability apps or online PTs? i think that is maybe what I missing? I don't want to hate and disgust myself any more.

Thanks in advance for any advice.

Sorry to read this, it’s horrible seeing unflattering photos of yourself. Sometimes it can help with motivation though, if you want to change.

It’s great that you are already doing exercise, although it’s only a small part of losing weight, it is mostly about the calories being eaten. I use My Fitness Pal to log everything, is that the same as Nutracheck? How many calories are you eating in a typical day?

All I would say is, you’ve done it before, you can do it again. But the changes have to be more sustainable this time. There’s no point eating plates of salad as a quick fix if you know you hate them and will go back to your old way of eating after a few months. Also, your metabolism is likely to be a bit lower now than when you were 22, so it may be tougher, but you can still do it.

I’ve made lots of changes recently, and feel like I can keep it up going forward. Have you looked into intermittent fasting? I stop eating straight after dinner at around 6pm and then only have water right through until about 11am. I tend to have 2 meals a day, and no snacks (I’m only 5’4” so my BMR is quite low). It’s been tough at times, but once I stopped snacking, I found my appetite actually dropped completely, which made it much easier.

Knowing why you fell off the wagon before might help too. Once I see a drop on the scales, that motivates me more to keep going. Then I find I have more energy, I sleep better, I have a little spring in my step, I actually want to walk everywhere now.

It might be worth joining one of the threads here too, they’re great support. Good luck!

Thanks slinky
I have tried intermittent fasting before and got on OK at the start but then snacked so much in the 'eating phase' that I gave up in the end.
Maybe I should try that again, and track all calories on Nutracheck. It is like MyFitnessPal but I like the interface better.

I tried to keep calories around 1700 but weekends and socialising just knock me off. I also binge on stupid stuff. We also have lots of snacky stuff in the house for DCs and diabetic DH so I can't clear the cupboards out. Have told DH to not get me any chocolate or cakes for Mother's Day! I am not a massive drinker so cutting out alcohol for the most part will be manageable.

Your post has made me a bit more hopeful, thank you.

only thing that works for me is getting v strict and committing to it

16:8 fasting and fast 800 keto - then once I'm done with that I'll move on to the maintenance version

the appetite drop off due to low carb is so helpful

If I do a carby diet I need a minimum of 1500cals to feel full/not deprived

I was nervous going into this at 800 cals but I'm never hungry, no urge to snack. I had 'keto flu' for a few days at the start where you just feel a bit rubbish but aside from that, by far the easiest one I've ever done

I found out that sugars expand the internal surface of your stomach and for some people can make you hungrier. That's definitely what was happening with me

I've lost 130lbs, most of it was generally low-ish carbing. Then i took my eye off the ball and regained 28lbs, now it's nearly all gone again. I wish I'd done the more strict version from the start as it's weirdly easier, but oh well now I know... no going back for me now

be careful with apps - only use USDA verified calorie amounts, weigh everything meticulously and if myfitnesspal tells you you burned 300 calories, be aware it's probably more like 150/200 - especially once you have lost a lot as your TDEE comes down and you have no room for error

Thanks lubey
I have been looking at the Fast800 and just wondering if it could fit into our lifestyle - I still have to cook for DH and 2 DCs, so maybe just lower would be easier with an eye on low-carb. I think I am a bit of a sugar addict too so need to be aware of this.

I have 15 weeks until my holiday so am thinking of resurrecting an old spread sheet and tracking everything in detail - maybe this, along with tracking on apps, would be a good visual motivator.

You sound so low @feelingdownandmassive. I totally get it, but what I’d say is that successful weightloss journeys often don’t start with what you’re putting in your mouth. They start with changing how you feel about yourself. Easier said than done, I know!

I find that keeping a journal, where I just write down a few words about how I felt that day, a few things that went well, something i’m grateful for, or proud of, makes a big difference to my negative thought processes. That in turn makes it easier for me to make better food choices, because I know I deserve to feel happy and healthy. All that stuff is so much harder to do when you feel shit about yourself.

I’ve lost 4 stone myself over the last 12 months. It’s not super easy, but it’s also nowhere near as hard as you might think it is in those first few weeks. But it helps to be aware that there are undoubtedly times when things are going to be a bit harder and where you might give in to a treat or two. That’s totally ok. As long as you’re sticking to it most of the time, a few days off plan really don’t make a difference.

I also echo SingaporeSlinky’s suggestion to come join us on one of the monthly diet threads (I think it’s called Lose It! March). We’re a really friendly, supportive bunch and those threads have kept me going through some of the more difficult parts of the weightloss journey.

I’m sorry OP. I am a recovering anorexic and I’m reluctant to offer any advice on losing weight, as I am disordered.

However, what I do want to tell you is, I have a colleague who sounds very much like you in her weight gain - however, I wish I could tell her, if it was appropriate, I think every day how absolutely extremely beautiful she is - inside and out, but mainly, I admire her outward appearance! She is just gorgeous - a lot larger than is considered ‘attractive’ but she runs circles around everyone else. Gorgeous hair, amazing bone structure, glamorous dresses. She is a huge inspiration to me.

Also, 15 weeks isn’t enough time to make a healthy, yet noticeable difference. So, a longer term goal might be a better idea if you do wish to lose weight. Like I say, I won’t give you actual calorie targets, but there is information out there, and a deficit is a deficit. Beware of hidden calories - and count everything - including every drop of milk in your tea!

I’m in the same boat OP, life just isn’t any fun when you have to watch every mouthful and limit the things you enjoy - but neither is being fat and unhealthy and hating yourself. I wish I knew what the answer was!

I understand how you feel OP.

I need to lose a few stones. On Friday I started taking saxenda. I also signed up to weight watchers via my local council. I have 16 weeks of free WW, I need to note my weight weekly on the app.
Both these are hopefully going to give me accountability, the saxenda because it’s so expensive and the WW because the free course will be on my GP record and I need to record my weight weekly.

I think you should forget about diets and just fill yourself up on healthy food. Get loads of fruit and veg and seeet potatoes and soups. Just eat loads of it. Don't eat any biscuits chocolate or crisps. If you get the urge fill up on the veg again. You will see the weight fall off if you do this For dinner have a portion or chicken or fish with all the healthy stuff Also keep drinking lots of water that also fills you up

It takes a while but I think sugar is key. I started with eating normally but cutting out the unhealthy inbetween snacks. Over two weeks I lost some weight. I also have been doing Gousto (meal planning would work too) so that I never have to think what the evening meal is when I get to the kitchen. My three meals are clockwork now so less risk of snacking. It goes without saying to ditch all the snacks at home. My only snacks are rice cakes and ryvita as they are dry and boring but fill a hole!

On the sugar, from doing Gousto I noticed some of the meals have a high sugar content, e.g. 25g-30g of carbs are sugars. 5g is one teaspoon of sugar equivalent so its a lot. So I stick to recipes with under 10g of sugar. Also eating plenty of fibre as I feel really tired if not eating enough fibre. Less bread = less fibre so have upped greens.

Calorie wise I am just going for 200 cal deficit a day but being fastidious about that.

Good luck!

It sounds to me like maybe your thyroid medication needs adjusting? Could you talk to your gp? If the meds aren't right, it will be much harder to lose weight. However, lowish carb is meant to be helpful for thyroid issues I think.

Thanks for all your messages - sorry hectic day so am only getting a chance to respond now. I spent last night making a plan and a spreadsheet (I am a data geek!) to manage tracking and progress. Managed 22k steps yesterday and 12k so far today and had 1500 cals yesterday and today. Small steps but I feel a bit more in control so thanks for all your supportive messages, they have all honestly really helped.

crazzzycat Wow! 4 stone, that is amazing! Congratulations. The journaling is a good idea. I have a gratitude journal I started but stopped using it. Now is the time to get it back out. I feel a small bit better today as I feel a bit more in control of things. Yesterday was a really bad day but the sun is shining and that helps! I will join the monthly thread, thank you.

DogsandGin Thank you for sharing your thoughts about your colleague. She sounds ace! I wish I could be comfortable and secure this size, but I just can't reconcile myself with that. I have to do a lot of public speaking with my work and I find it excruciating. I know being smaller would help.

I've made a 15 week plan to get me up to holidays, hoping to get a stone off. I see this as a 'phase one' and my first target. I am tracking everything now, and not forgetting the milk in tea!

RockStarMartini Sending supportive thoughts, I am sorry you feel the same way. Its just rubbish. I don't want to spend the next (hopefully) 40 years feeling like this. Life just isn't fair sometimes!

Sockpile Good luck with everything! I hope it all works well together. The accountability is key, I think.

Collierresponder88 I can't do intuitive type eating - I literally have no 'off' button so would eat far too much, if given free rein! I like to be in control of tracking. I do drink lots of water but will now avoid the squash etc.

MistySkiesAfterRain Yes, we plan meals each week so I need to make better choices and find alternatives to have in the house if the family are eating lots of bread/chips etc. I definitely think I have a problem with sugar - I need to keep an eye on that. Good luck to you too!

Tanaqui You could be on to something there. I haven't had my levels checked in a while, as I have other gynae type investigations going on so I will speak to the GP about that.

I think you should forget about diets and just fill yourself up on healthy food.

I agree. Stop with the restrictive diets -as you have realised, they don't work, because they are impossible for the vast majority of people to stick to. They just create an unhelpful all-or-nothing, restrict-then-binge attitude to food.

Eat 3 meals a day, proper food, with a large proportion of your plate made up of veg. Eat until you are pleasantly full. If you leave yourself hungry, you will be reaching for the snacks.

Personally, I find targets, weighing, measuring, apps, plans etc counter-productive. It turns it into a bloody hobby (and a tedious one at that, after the initial brief enthusiasm!).

Like Michael Pollan says, 'Eat real food, not too much, mostly plants'.