I am so overweight and I just don’t know where to start - please help!

[londonlif321]

I have about 4.5 - 5 stone to lose and I just don’t know where to start. I am so unhappy with the way I look - none of my clothes look nice anymore or fit, I feel sluggish, and I am so unhealthy. I want to date to try and meet a man but I am holding myself back because of how I look.

I feel so overwhelmed with where to begin though. My diet is so bad. Does anyone have any general good tips / motivation on how to start etc?

Thanks in advance. Not looking for any pity but more a bit of advice.

Eat less, move more. Walking is great because it doesn't make you hungry, it's free and easy for most people.

Don't expect to see changes overnight. It needs to be a lifestyle change, not a quick fix. Don't have an end goal, just focus on eating less and moving more and it will happen naturally.

It's hard but just by being consistent it will happen.

I literally had to check your user name to see if this was an old thread and I’d posted myself - I know people always say things like that on here but honestly you sound identical to me.

Not so much on the food side, I eat a lot more fresh food and ‘proper’ meals but I let myself down with ‘treats’ - chocolate, wine, bread, whatever I fancy. It’s how I reward myself, always has been, but it’s got to stop.

Lockdown and giving up smoking haven’t helped but there’s no excuse now. I’ve started tracking what I eat again this week and am planning to start Couch to 5k as soon as it’s light enough after work.

Very happy to be a diet/exercise/sort our shit out buddy if you want one 😊

Eat eggs, vegetables, fruit, protein like roast chicken (no sauces). Basically healthy stuff

Log what you eat via fitbit and scales. . The Feelfit phone app is good. Less calories in than out. Weigh each day to see success helped me.

Cut chocolate pasta pizza biscuits coca cola sugar etc Once you get into the habit it is life changing.

Up exercise gradually with walks.

Also if you want a snack drink water and eat an apple.

I love porridge as its filling.

You need to start by making small changes
So instead of a chocolate croissant and a costa - how about a cup of tea and toast? Or a bowl of cereal or overnight oats?
Your lunch sounds like it should be your main meal of the day so choose the healthier option - like the stew or chicken and rice.
For dinner - treat it more like a lunch or a light supper/tea - jacket potatoes with beans, roast a chicken and cut it up cold and make chicken wraps with salad, have a yogurt for dessert - we have plain yogurt and chocolate raisins - so getting a small chocolate fix but not a whole bar!!
Snack on healthier choices - crackers/rice cakes/fruit.
You can still have chocolate and cake and crisps - just not all the time. As a one off, a treat.
Have a glass of water before each meal to fill you up and cut down on the cans of Coke to just one a day to start with then every other day.

Don’t do all this at once, start with breakfast for a week for example.
At the weekend, go out for a walk - just a 20 minute walk to start with. You can build this up if you want, and then make it twice a week.
You really can do this - mumsnet is a huge support and there’s a wealth of knowledge on here to.
You’ve got this op

Op. How are you today? Are you able to capitalise on how you feel amd start today? To just do it?

I lost weight by drinking loads of water before food and never eating big meals, but constantly ate throughout the day. But the water before each meal, mean't my brain told me I was full. The other thing is, feeling hungry, doesn't equate to, you must eat. Which was my downfall.

Always keep fruit available and munch away. Eat lots of fibre and beans/lentils etc as makes you feel fuller for longer and helps you go. Don't cut anything out your diet, otherwise you feel, hard done by, just keep everything to a reason. So if you munch through a 24 bag of crisps a week. By a 7 bag pack and have a bag a day.

Make batch foods, so the problem isn't then portion size, if they have been frozen in a portion.

Alcohol has loads of sugar, so cut that down if you drink.

Being overweight also means that by doing a couple of extra steps, your body has used up more calories than some skinny min, as you are carry the weight. So push yourself to just do that little extra everyday. Join a local walking group or if there isn't, start one.

You can buy weighted ankle weights, so your body has to put more effort in. Also the weighted Hoola hoop things look fun. Swimming, aqua aerobics also good if you can push yourself to get in a swimming costume. Some pools have women only sessions.

I would also go to your Dr. Have you had your thyroids checked etc, just incase it's medical, rather than just overweight. They can also prescribe things to assist you in weight loss.

The last thing is, be kind to yourself. You can do this, you got this and always keep in mind, why your doing it, to look fab in that outfit, so you can pull some hottie. So when your in that depressed state of, it's not working, change that to, it takes time to work. Also don't have any scales in your home, take yourself somewhere to weight yourself on a weekly basis. Keep weighing yourself is not the way to go.

Good luck you can do this.

I don’t think there’s a right way necessarily, some people do better by changing one thing at a time, and building up. Others, like me, do better by having an overhaul of everything, and really wanting to change all of the bad habits in one go, to feel like I’m making good progress straight away.

You need to decide if you’re happy to change one thing, right now, and make a start, although progress could be slow. Or if you want to take all the advice here, and really go for it, where hopefully progress will be faster and you’ll start to see changes.

Starting your day with chocolate and a latte isn’t going to fill you up or be any good for you nutritionally, so you’re then reaching for a snack, which is more chocolate. As others have said, you’re having 2 main meals, so if the lunch is free, and you want to keep that, then ditch the takeaway and have something much lighter, like an omelette, scrambled eggs, or chicken or tuna salad in the evening. The sharing bag of chocolate needs to just stop, and maybe once a week. It’s way too much sugar.

You could try watching programmes like ‘You are what you eat’ for advice and healthy cooking tips. It looks like you’re not eating any fruit or vegetables at all, so you need to start looking up some healthy recipes. When they put the person’s weekly food laid out on a table, it’s easy to see it’s all beige, and no colour. You need to be eating colourful, natural foods. When I make a salad, I try and make it as colourful as possible, because each of those foods provide different nutrients. I’ll have tuna, avocado, boiled egg, radish, pepper, spinach, tomatoes, cucumber. It looks wonderful.

Starting is the hardest part, but it does get easier, especially once you see a difference. Good luck!

Here's how I started:

Not by dieting! You don't get to be very overweight by being good at sticking to diets, so don't start there. Don't resume the cycle of failure yet again.

First start by taking care of your body. Buy some cheap, nice new clothes that fit - I got jeans from M&S (Sienna are good for big bodies) and some really pretty tops from supermarkets and H&M. Get your hair done, do your nails and brows. Go for a dental check up and any medical check up you need. Check for things like exhaustion, weak nails etc and take any supplements you might need.

Then start taking care of your mind - morning meditations, visualisations, affirmations about taking care of your body and health. Journalling things you want to do, small interim treats (non-food) t reward yourself for each milestone. Watch podcasts on comfort eating and educate yourself on why you do it.

Next - exercise. I ordered some handweights and a kettlebell and followed (only 10 mins long) every day as well as a 10 minute yoga session every day either by (who is a medically obese yoga guru) or the lovely, gentle. friendly Yoga with Adriene.

Next I made a list of lots of small non-food treats and tried to have them to comfort me if I felt down or angry or trapped - basically any time I'd normally turn to food - I did a lot of listening to music I loved in my teens, or watching clips from favourite comedies or reading a poem/magazine, having a candlelit bath etc.

Last, I started focusing on eating really healthily - not dieting. I upped fruit and veg (mainly veg) to 10 a day, drank 2 l of water a day and ate lean protein every day like Skyr, chicken, fish, eggs.

Within a couple of weeks I was doing all these things and lost weight easily without ever dieting. I'm now a couple of pounds off normal BMI but refuse to diet. I know the last few pounds will drop off this summer when I life on salad by preference.

londonlif321

I think you know what to do.

Reading between the lines of your poat on what you eat - you know already what's not right.

Just start now.

The difficult thing is starting. After that you take one day, or hour at a time. If you eat a take away or a chocolate bar you do not wear sackcloth and ashes and castigate yourself, nor do you self sabotage the rest of the day you just say oh well, I ate that, its okay, its not the first time, but I'll stop now and not eat anything else today/ just eat an apple later or whatever.

If you fall down, you get back up again...

Maybe take your work hot meal as your main one of the day and just have something small in the evening - no need to cook or spend on a takeaway at all if you're getting a free cooked meal at lunch.

Or do you live with someone who 's enabling/ encouraging the take aways every evening?

I lost 7.5 stone in 2020 and have kept it off so far.

You can do it. Keep it simple, believe in yourself - you know what to do.

Day 1 - remove the sides to your meals - pasta without the garlic bread - side salad instead. Pizza - leave off all the dressings & dips - have a side salad.
Substitute half your fizzy drinks in the day with plain water - bit of ice and slice lemon to make it more interesting.
Start to grow healthier habits one step at a time.

Your self esteem sounds rock bottom. You need to work on that - foster appreciation for all your wonderful character traits. Focus on these and nurture self-love
All the things you dislike about yourself are not character flaws but things you can change - your weight, your health, your mood.

Is there anywhere really nice you have access to, for quality time? A park, or the coast, or art gallery? Make time to spend more time in your happy places, or doing things that make you feel positive.
A walk in the countryside, park or beach is gentle exercise and good for mental health.

Sleep hygiene! What can you do to help yourself rest and sleep properly? Build a routine - no screen time an hour before bed. Earlier.bedtime. Shower, self care, good book or audiobook?

A more nutritious breakfast - oats, grains, fruit, natural yoghurt, at home or take to the office. Get your body off to a healthy start in the day.

That's all I can think of at the moment to suggest.

It's a daunting task, but also exciting new horizons. You deserve every good thing you wish for yourself.
Each day at a time to change your lifestyle.

I recommend My Fitness Pal app. You set your goals, it recommends a daily calorie allowance. You log in all your foods - it has a scan feature too. Watch the 'serving size' it often defaults to 100gr. So check it against the amount you are actually eating. Ignore the calories burned walking etc - it vastly overestimates that.
You can plan your meals in advance and fill in the diary.
Noting what you have eaten - mostly carbs and high sugar ones at that. You need to add more veg in (not fruit which is high sugar). You can still have your chocolate croissants, but you need to take those calories into account. Your aim is to eat 10 calories for every pound of your goal weight, once you reach it you can then up it to 13 calories for every pound as maintenance. So if you want to weight ten stone (140lbs), you eat 1400 calories a day now, once you reach your goal you can eat 1820, more if you are more active.
But really you just have to start. Tomorrow never comes - do it today. Get rid of all the junk food in your house and buy healthy. Unfortunately this is not short term to just loose the weight - it's a change you will have to stick to for the rest of your days unless you want the weight to pile back on.
Exercise helps, but the battle of the bulge is won in the kitchen. Good luck. Once you get into it it's easier than you might think. And remember one slip up doesn't have to derail you as long as you get back on track right away.

I speak from the perspective of a recovering anorexic.

You need to be in a calorie deficit of at least 500. So, eat no more than 1200 calories a day (use a calorie deficit calculator online to work yours out accuracy and safely). 1200 calories is fine for most women. I’m not encouraging disordered eating - I was eating about 400 calories a day with 3 hours of exercise a day, which is a terrible idea!

Tips:

Beware of hidden calories - oil, milk, juice, meat/salmon, dried fruit, olives, avocado, pitta, hummus, cheese.
Sit down and google the calories in things, so that you get familiar with what you have in the house and what you’re eating. A lot of seemingly healthy food is highly calorific.
Do not eat - cakes, biscuits, bread, mayo, alcohol.
Throw away everything you have in the cupboards/fridge and start again.
Buy only - veg, fruit, eggs, whole grains, fish, eggs, lean meat, 1 calorie oil spray, spices/chillis/low calorie salad dressing/ salsa.
Portion up the meat and fish, and freeze it, so you’re not eating more than 100g a day, if any.
Have a few vegan days a week.

I felt like I was still eating a full meal, I would have a big bowl of food, but it would be about 300 calories because it was just low calorie veg, (peppers, celery, spinach, tinned tomatoes, carrots, courgettes, onions, mushrooms) put in the oven or fried with lots of spices, so it was really tasty. I would cook for my family and they didn’t realise that my meal was different to theirs, just by excluding meat, and rice/pasta/bread. For example, I’d use an iceberg lettuce leaf as a wrap for a tortilla, instead.

I’d also maintain such a low diet by having a black coffee and an apple for lunch, and breakfast. Absolutely terrible diet, and I’m glad to be on the mend.

A calorie deficit will cause weight loss. BUT it will not lead to better health, or fitness, without exercise.

If you lose 2lb a week, you’ll lose 3 stone by mid July.

The NHS recommends not going under 1400 calories a day, so they don’t seem to agree with the “1200 calories is fine for most women” line.

I’d have a look at some reliable sources OP. I’ve done the NHS weightlosss plan in the past and found it a really good way for slowly building better habits.

www.nhs.uk/better-health/lose-weight/

You need to change your lifestyle not look at a diet, otherwise it just becomes a cycle.

You know and have plenty of access to find out what are healthy foods. Personally I just you stay away from diet/low fat foods. Eating the right kinds of fat is important, it's better to undertand how all the sugars in food (especially low fat) can affect you.

I'd suggest making small changes one thing at time to start removing the bad habits.

One or two squares of a good quality dark chocolate instead of tons of dairy milk.

Cut out the diet coke and start drinking water.

Make that your aim for weeks 1 & 2 and then bring in another change as you start to feel more comfortable with the changes you already made.

Ok, you won't lose fast, but you'll hopefully make longer lasting changes.

[quote Crazzzycat]The NHS recommends not going under 1400 calories a day, so they don’t seem to agree with the “1200 calories is fine for most women” line.

I’d have a look at some reliable sources OP. I’ve done the NHS weightlosss plan in the past and found it a really good way for slowly building better habits.

www.nhs.uk/better-health/lose-weight/[/quote]
No it doesn’t, it says max 1400 calories which is very different.

[quote Crazzzycat]The NHS recommends not going under 1400 calories a day, so they don’t seem to agree with the “1200 calories is fine for most women” line.

I’d have a look at some reliable sources OP. I’ve done the NHS weightlosss plan in the past and found it a really good way for slowly building better habits.

www.nhs.uk/better-health/lose-weight/[/quote]
The NHS says a minimum of 1200 calories.

All of your current diet is very poor OP, not just the chocolate in the evenings.

I've lost 3 stone over the last 6 months. It's pretty easy to do once you start to see the weight coming off (I've got another 3 stone to go). Picking stuff you actually like is key. You need to be very organised and have the food avaliable. I also stick to the same ish meals because then I don't have to think too much about food.

B: nuts, yogurt and berries.
L: cucumber, peppers, carrots and hummus
D: pretty much meat/fish and veg or salad - if I have a curry I replace the rice with a salad, if I have a kebab I don't eat the bread, if I have spaghetti bologase I have the meat and swap the pasta with swede and carrot mash.

I agree with @MunchyMonsters. Your whole diet is poor and mostly high processed junk foods. If the chocolate in an evening is important to you then you could still have a little if you swap your meals for much healthier alternatives. You also seem lacking in fruit and veg and are hardly getting any nutrients in at all. Looking at your diet I am guessing you feel pretty sluggish and tired a lot of the time.

I had 4 stone to lose too and have lost 3 stone so far. It had taken me ages because I am going through the menopause. However, I started out by swapping my meals for more nutritious options and upping my veg intake. I also took a good look at my portion sizes. I didn’t need anywhere near as much as I was eating and by adding half a plate of veg to my meals I naturally cut my other portions down to match.

Dieting isn’t easy and what you need to be focusing on is long term healthy changes to keep the weight off. Find a couple of healthy alternatives to breakfast. If you are short on time in the mornings then you can take something to work with you. Your breakfast is terrible atm and is setting you up to feel rubbish from the beginning of the day. It is going to make you feel hungry earlier than you should, and is setting up cravings for sweet and junk foods for the rest of the day. By getting your day off to a healthy start then it will be much easier to have a positive Day overall. I find on days when I have grabbed a less healthy option for breakfast then I am much likely to make bad choices for the rest of the day and pick at junk.

Personally I would keep the diet cokes for now whilst you adapt to your new way of eating. Keep the chocolate too if you like, and don’t feel guilty over it, just choose a small bar.

And lastly, you don’t seem to have much understanding of nutrition if you think it is the evenings letting you down. That’s not a criticism but it might be useful for you to read as much as you can about what makes a healthy diet.

Hi @londonlif321, just wondering how you’re getting on?

I think what I’d do in your shoes is not go cold Turkey on the sugary stuff and carb heavy stuff but cut down a lot.

Have a croissant 🥐 but not chocolate and have a skinny latte.

Lunch get a smaller portion or soup plus roll and yogurt and piece of fruit.

Try a veggie stir fry but not much rice or fish/meat with small potato and veggies.

Chocolate rice cake or fruit - pick something you like re fruit.

You don’t need a dessert but maybe have one twice a week as a treat.

Cut out diet cokes.

It’s a question of reeducating your mind and stomach.