How to help my daughter

[Glenthebattleostrich]

My daughter is 11. During lockdown she suffered massively with her mental health and anxiety and all activities we would usually do we couldn't (either they stopped or I couldn't afford it as my business went down the pan).

She put on a huge amount of weight over the last 2 years. She is 5foot 5 and gas a 34 inch waist at the moment. She is hugely struggling with this too.

She cries quite a bit about feeling ugly and worthless. Obviously, I talk to her about her body shape not being tied to her self worth but she lives in the world and goes to high school so gets this message from others.

We have been talking about healthy eating, portion control etc and are increasing exercise. But I need to get this right. I can't leave her with this issue for the rest of her life. My parents have left me with massive food issues which I am desperately trying to not pass on.

Our plan at the moment is 3 meals and 2 small snacks a day, making sure she has lots of fruit and veg (difficult as she refuses most), reducing portion size and increasing her walks.

So yesterday she refused breakfast (was having a strop), had a breakfast bar on her way to school. Pizza and cookie at lunch and sausages with baked beans for tea. Not great!
We walked the dog for 45 minutes after work and again for 15 minutes before bed.

Today has started better!

Breakfast of melon (100g) and a small piece of cheese (30g). Lunch will be pizza again (refuses packed lunch as none of her friends take them) and tea is party food because of a mindees birthday. Supper snack will be banana or a mini peperami.

So, is this the right approach. She is tall (same height as me!) and showing all the signs she will ping up again so just trying to instill healthier habits while I still can.

Any exercise advice would be great too. We will be going bowling at the weekend I think and possibly swimming if we can book into the pool.

I would appreciate any advice on how to tackle this while supporting my daughter's still fragile mental health.

Thanks

Hello, just wanted to update this.

DD and I had a long talk last week, she told me how sad she was with her size and how some boys in her school told her she wouldn't get any valentine's because she's to fat. There were many tears and hugs and we have a plan in place.

She has been having smaller portions (her dad and I have joined her in this) and is eating more fruit and salad bits - choosing some cumumber as a snack for instance. As she has cut down she has lost an estimated 1 inch off her waist (going by her school skirt).

We are taking a walk each night and when she is watching her tablet she is choosing sit on my exercise ball rather than slump in bed. She has also asked to start couch to 5k and has challenged me to a walking competition! She asked to walk the dog this morning too.

Over the last week we have been looking at how we can make better choices and she is really actively taking part in meal preparation. She made us lamb koftas with salad and garlic mushrooms yesterday for tea, choosing them from my recipe folder.

We have a good menu plan for this week (half term here) and we have talked about healthier lunches. So pizza one day per week and having wraps or baked potato on the days she doesn't have a club (shes a librarian, in chess club and helps in the library one break time and one lunch time each week).

The biggest thing has been when we went shopping and she chose some fruits and flavoured water instead of asking for biscuits, sweets, fizzy and crisps. Not that she used to get these things but she ALWAYS tried her luck.

She has started to make better choices for breakfast and tea at home - made egg muffins, crustless quiches and boiled eggs over the weekend with me for breakfasts - and is feeling so much better in herself. She is drinking lots of water and squash through the day too instead of immediately reaching for a snack.

While we still have a long way to go we have had a positive start and, most importantly, she is driving the changes as much as I am.

I am really grateful to everyone who replied, I just couldn't see the wood for the trees. As a family we are on a much healthier path, we just need to keep going along it.

Lovely update OP.
As they say every journey begins with a single step.
I wish you and your family success in this together.
Xx

That's great to hear @Glenthebattleostrich 😊

Just wanted to pop an update on here a month on.

As a family we have stuck to healthier meals, cooking from scratch and much less snacking. I started fast 800 so DD sees me eating tons of veg and salad and better portion sizes. She is eating the same foods with a portion of healthy carbs too. If we want treats we walk to the shop or to a lovely local cafe which is just over a mile away. DD is regularly joining me on dog walks and we have increased the duration and difficulty of the terrain (we live semi rurally so can do this easily). We go to the swimming pool fortnightly (booking in advance up to just before we go on holiday so ive spent the money and won't waste it!)

And the big news is, DD tried on some holiday clothes today which a month ago she couldn't get past her knees. They fit! She has grown an inch and a half taller so was clearly gearing up for a growth spurt but has lost just short of 4 inches from her waist and we need to buy her a smaller school skirt.

We have 3 weeks until we go on holiday and we are all feeling better and healthier. I'm fitting into clothes I've not been able to for years, DD has claimed all my smaller sized stuff and is working her way through my collection of metal concert t-shirts 😁

The absolute best thing though is i can see my baby girl emerging from her dark cloud! She laughs more, she is generally happier and she is regaining her confidence. Today we took the woof for a short morning walk and did the same route we had the first day of this journey. My baby smiled when we got home and said, Mum, remember how i couldn't even walk up the steps (a steep set of stairs on the walk!) today i ran up them with the dog 😁

I am very proud of how much of this has been driven by my daughter and tell her so. Now I just need to make sure i fit into my smaller clothes to stop her stealing them all!

When I was about 9, my mum put me on a diet. I remember she used to give me a small amount of what I liked at every meal but padded out with other stuff. I loved pizza so she’s give me one slice, and a jacket potato with lots of salad. That sort of thing. I did lose weight and I remember feeling good about it. I didn’t think anything negative about my mum

That's pretty much what we have done as well as the whole ooh everything is expensive and we are going on holiday so need to save money! There's tons of fruit and veg freely available but limited unhealthy snacks. It's also been a we need to be fitter and healthier as a family. The dog walks are sold as a way for us to spend more time together and devices are banned.

I absolutely haven't made a big deal out of it other than telling my daughter how proud i am that she is making good choices.

Sounds like you’re all doing amazingly and you’ve handled this perfectly. Well done OP and enjoy your holiday in a couple of weeks!