I've realised I've been moaning about my weight, saying I'm on a diet/trying to lose weight/trying to be good for 10+ years and I'm now at my heaviest.
What a shit example to set for my dc.
I don't want them to think that's normal as it shouldn't be. So from now on I am no longer going to talk about it, I will just make better choices and lead by example. Stealth diet! and moan here instead
I figure if I really go for it I can take a year to get to goal weight. Youngest will be 6 and will still have years of remembering a healthy mother who actually participates rather than hiding on the sidelines. I'd love to take them rock climbing but there's no way in hell I'm shoving my arse in one of those harnesses 
swimming/trampolines/ bike rides/ laser tag I'd be up for it all but I point blank won't because of how self conscious I am. It needs to stop.
Sorry for my rant but I needed to get my thoughts out. And have some accountability somewhere if I'm not mentioning out loud.