Can someone explain why my relationship with food is so destructive

[Pieceofpizza]

I don't know why I've done it or why I do it.
I'm about 3 stone overweight, 13 stone.. Biggest I've ever been.
I'm a single parent to a toddler and work full time.. I wfh 2 days a week. Started the day with good intentions.. Exercised... Les Mills body combat, ate well..
Now.. I've totally ruined it and eaten pizza hut.. Simply because I wanted it. I know I'll feel terrible lying in bed feeling so full..
I had pizza, garlic bread, nachos and a cookie.. It's disgusting. Its a regular viscous cycle. Why can't I break this habit.. I'm addicted to takeaways.
I'm a good cook and make healthy meals when I do cook. I'm averaging 3 takeaways a month and looking at my bank account I feel like such a fat pig of a failure.
How do I change this mindset?

Because you see the food as naughty rather than what it is - shit.
I really really cannot be with my child’s father, it’s bad and unhealthy. Even though there are plenty of healthy options out there, it makes me want him more because I can’t have him!
So I am slowly training myself to realise I could have him but he’s not a reward and I will definitely feel insanely shit when he’s gone (again!)
I don’t know if that makes sense but I hope you get to the bottom of it, it must be so frustrating.

Because you're tired and you work hard and it's a comfort.

I lost 3 stone with a lot stacked against me which made me want to comfort eat. My advice is... If you've had a bad day, just accept it. Don't berate yourself. Just try you best to have a healthy day the following day. Don't see it that you've failed that week. Just try to balance it out.

I think carbs are addictive and comforting and it is extremely hard to give them up. But apparently if you do it for 2 weeks, the hunger goes away.

Stop being so hard on yourself. It sounds like you are tired and stressed too, that’s not an easy time to justify depriving yourself. You are human. Doing the exercise was great! Well done for that!

Do you push the "fuck it" button with food? Like "ah I've ruined it! Might as well stuff in as much as I possibly can before I start a new diet tomorrow"!

I used to do this and I just stopped dieting. I haven't gained weight. I think I've lost some, but I'm not weighing myself.

I'd like to know how to stop too.
Although I know it is mostly likely because my parents didn't have any chocolate, biscuits, crisps, cake in the house, not even sweet cereals, and didn't give us enough pocket money to buy them.
Guess their biggest fear was fat children - well, that turned out sooooo well

I have many many stones to lose.

Morning OP!

New day.

And you didn’t ‘totally’ ruin it. You are still an exercise session ahead!

I was the same as you, about 13 stone where 10 is my healthy weight. It just crept up on me, work, stress, the daily grind.

I lost it steadily but surely last year and the beginning of this year, and this is what I did:

Did not diet. I simply decided, in the face of COVID, to look after myself, see my body as a strength, and nurture it.

Eat healthier food. Stop snacking. (Except healthier snacks which I had ready. Carrot sticks, an apple, a cup of thin soup or whatever)

Had a healthy breakfast with lots of fibre, a healthy lunch with some protein, a normal dinner, but watch the portion sizes on carbs. Add extra veg.

Exercise and tone. I imagine it is hard as a single parent, I used to do leg and calf raises in the kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil, sit ups during the adverts on tv, get up an dance around a bit when any good music came on in adverts.

Be proud of your strengths and let your strengths and success motivate you. You are a good cook and cook your meals from scratch. Look up some new healthy recipes and enjoy cooking healthy balanced meals. Be chuffed with yourself for that. Be proud that you are investing in yourself.

Sometimes I was hungry as lunch / dinner approached. See this as a normal healthy state rather than misery, “ ooh, I have waited and let my body tell me when it is nearly time to eat, rather than eating snacks and suppressing the signals’. But do have a glass of water or some carrot sticks to tide you over the danger period. I bought jars of the little Cornishon gherkins from Lidl and would nibble som of those, imagining myself to be having ‘cocktail pre dinner snacks’.

It took about a week for my appetite to reset.

Didn’t beat myself up about outbursts of less healthy eating. Just carried on with the healthier pattern. Didn’t worry about little ups and downs . The overall slope of weight loss can still be down, with plateaus and little up spikes on the way.

Cut down to 2 takeaways a month but put the money in a jar or a sub account, and after 3 months treat yourself to an outing or something you like (non food ).

Don’t set unrealistic targets. If you adjust your general eating, a loss of 1lb a week is fine. In no time you will see and feel the difference.

I didn’t tell anyone I was ‘losing weight’. Didn’t want the comments or what felt like pressure of people monitoring my ‘success’. But after a while people started saying ‘have you lost weight?’ Which was motivating.

Oh, and I did stop wine on weekday evenings. I wasn’t having much but the calories in wine were a surprise to me!

Good luck, OP.

P.S For me the advantage of adjusting my normal diet rather than ‘going in a diet’ has meant that I have stayed more or less the same weight with no thought or effort since the weight came off. Because I was eating ordinary balanced meals throughout.

I think its just that carbs are comforting. I write a list when I repeatedly do something bad for me e.g. reasons not to sugar binge. Think about a habit you have stopped before- what worked? Personally it takes me about 3 concerted goes to change a habit, but my will has to be utterly committed to it! Alternatively I can control or manage a bad habit which isn't a bad strategy either if I haven't got time or focus to change it. Remember failure is just an opportunity to learn.