Why am I sabotaging myself?😕

[Eatmybodyweightinchocolate]

I lost 5 stone over about 9 months. Walking, low carb, felt loads better. I could get into my size 12's again, some thing I hadn't been able to do for years. I was about a stone away from my ideal weight and I just have up. I slowly then not so slowly started gaining again. I know I'm doing it too, I have gained back nearly 3stone and I feel like shite. I know exactly what I'm doing, I am overeating, all the wrong food s, not doing any exercise. I don't understand why I would sabotage myself like this, some messed up subconscious thing
Would love some free insight/therapy/guidance from anyone who has been there. More importantly,how do I stop 😠

Hello OP. I can feel the emotion behind your words and understand as I have been in a similar place, repeatedly, over the years.

A five stone loss in nine months is on the one hand a truly tremendous achievement and demonstrates that you have the determination to make positive changes. However, it is a lot in a short space of time.

I read 'Why We Eat Too Much' by Dr Andrew Jenkinson and joined the threads of the same name on here.

Jenkinson explains that diets don't work because they gradually re set your body's weight set-point higher and higher, so you are constantly struggling against your body's efforts to regain the lost weight.

Scientists are now understanding that genetics do play a big role in all this, so that some people really can over indulge without gaining weight, and others don't.

Other insights from the Jenkinson book:

Our highly processed western diets, high in sugar and veg oil are bad for us.

Fat is not the demon it was once thought to be. Sugar is.

Extreme calorie restriction is not the way to go for sustained weight loss.

I've lost three stone ( again) but over 12 months, with one more to go to reach healthy BMI. I've done this by cooking from scratch, and largely eliminating wheat, sugar and veg oil from my diet.

This gradual approach has been better for me as I find moderation difficult ( a personality thing) and, like you have a tendency to self-sabotage.

Here's my Fitbit graph which largely illustrates Jenkinson's point I think. It's from July so that line is a bit lower now - the last few pounds are proving hard to shift, but I expected that, and it will take as long as it takes.

For me self sabotage usually comes from a fear I have not acknowledged or worked through. I know that when I get to a low weight I start to panic a bit because there's been lots of things I've been putting off until I've lost the weight. I would work out if there are any blocks for you. For me being heavier is something to hide behind. I become less visible sexually, which means I can avoid the male gaze and to some degree relationships completely. I can dress scruffily 'because nothing looks good anyway' and don't make an effort with my appearance any more. I associate weight loss with a time in my life when I was accomplishing a lot in other areas of my life, and so I associate it with being brave and working hard. So when I get close to goal I start to get really anxious about all the things I'm going to have to do once I get there. I have decided to come at it from a different angle now and work on becoming that person first, and letting my weight catch up later instead of thinking that I will magically metamorphosis into a different person the moment the scale says so. What is holding you back from being slimmer? What are you afraid of? What have you been putting off until you got to your goal weight? Do you really believe you can be slim or should be slim? Try and work out what is blocking you and work on those areas. They say weight loss is 80% diet and 20% exercise but really it's 100% about mindset, because if your head isn't in the right place you won't do any of it. I hope you manage to get unstuck. Good luck!

I agree with @TheLastLonelyBakedBean - also, whilst you've put 3stone back on, you're still down 2 stone so don't be too hard on yourself.

Also, it is a lot to lose in a short space of time, so you must have been going at it hard, so maybe you're simply fed up of being too strict with yourself.

Try not to beat yourself up - start from today. Forget about what you have lost / regained and look forward. Good luck!

Thank you Words and TheLastLonelyBakedBean for you insight. I completely agree that my relationship with food is 100% emotional and food is just a tool I use to either celebrate or commiserate.
When I was slim and healthy I was also happier, loving my life, had friends, independence, totally fulfilled and was the life and soul as they say. I am so far away from that person now it actually pains me.
I think I realised that even if I lost the weight and became slim again the rest of my life would still be exactly the same. So why am I denying myself one of the only things that give me pleasure?
Don't get me wrong, I have a good life, I'm just not as happy as I thought I'd be. Health and logistical issues have brought me to my present state of mind. Ruminating about where and when I could have changed course. The voice inside telling me I don't deserve to be slim, have another bar of chocolate instead.

Yes that's what it is for me @Eatmybodyweightinchocolate that I think when I get to the right weight I will be that person again and then when I get close and am nowhere near I think "well feck it then and let's eat"

I am trying to accept myself as I am, work on the issues that do need working on and acknowledge my true feelings, and I'm finding that is helping me lose weight (incredibly slowly) but keep it off, not keep yo-yo ing

So why am I denying myself one of the only things that give me pleasure?

This made me wonder why not take the time to prepare something lovely and nourishing and really enjoy it? A thought I have found helpful is, “eat as if you like yourself”.

I read an article once thet said to lose weight you have to stop seeing unhealthy food as a treat because then you find yourself saying “I deserve it.” and next thing you know you’re skipping exercise and snacking all day.

Good luck. I am self-sabotaging too 😬

I understand. I lost four and a half stone and then from September I have gained over a stone and a third back again.
I'm so angry with myself and yet I have loved eating every morsel of that food.

I hate my relationship with food. I feel like such a failure not being able to control the simple act of putting in my mouth. I do know it's not the food that's the problem but how I use it. My life has not been on the path I would like for probably about the same time as my weight issues started. I know where the connection is, I just don't know how to fix it. 😒

You mention walking, OP, but how do you feel about other sorts of exercise? I have lost 4 stone since February, reached target in September. I have reflected a lot on why I overeat and come to the conclusion that I was not really tuned in to how I wanted to feel but accepting of how I did. I see exercise as a way to remove myself from situations where i might eat rubbish food, a way avoid boredom, and, now that I'm in the groove, a way to treat my body.
This time I weighed myself every day and if I lapsed firmly told myself that tomorrow was another day and climbed back on the wagon. After all these months I feel as if I am a different person, that I need to embed myself into being who I am now, not who I was. It is not so much a question of will power but of listening to your inner self and tuning in on what you really want.

I've done this to myself too, yo-yo-ing.

In terms of the motivation mine starts with a plan e.g. sort through the cupboards and freezer and chuck out the out of date food, look up some healthy recipes (BBC Good Food is great), get a meal planner, do an online shop and batch cook some healthy meals. I don't know why but all of this seems to help with the mindset and is easy to do as it's just planning. Browse friends cook books for recipe ideas (helps with motivation).

I don't know how I even got the motivation to do the above but it started with decluttering a couple of rooms at home, also I had a nice weekend break away with family where I was cooked for, which gave me some motivation. I also find it helps when its darker evenings because I feel less visible and like I want to improve weight and fitness by the early Spring, so plenty of time to achieve it. Also trying to get rid of problems that are draining helps.

Why do I sabotage? So many reasons. Sugar is like crack in terms of addictiveness. Possibly my executive function checks out - goal nearly achieved, next shiny new thing, oh look cheesecake. Fear of actual success and what comes next. Boredom? Need to switch up routine?
Change in seasons as we are innately trying to stockpile for winter?

I always struggle with eating appropriately to the amount of exercise I am doing mainly as my exercise routine can change during the week so I've decided to a fixed amount and then whatever exercise I do that becomes calories I need to replace afterwards with a post exercise meal (I think that's what you are meant to do for muscle recovery)- so I can enjoy whatever after a workout, but if I fail at exercise then at least 'm not failing on the food front as I hadn't eaten the extra calories. And if I overeat I just carry on exercising as normal and push a bit where I can.

I also picked an exercise I love and did it once for the joy of it, just to see how it was, which was swimming and this has given me the motivation to book my first exercise class tonight. I've been paralysed about exercise for a long time, so this is good for me.

Lots of good tips here...everyday is a chance to start over.