Food is ruining my life

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Anyone else feel like this?

I have a great life. I'm a SAHM to two lovey boys. One is in school and one goes to nursery two days a week, so I have some free time for myself. Married a good man. We live in a beautiful house in a beautiful area. Enough money. Lovely friends. I've got the life I always wanted. Except.....

I am 2-3 stone overweight, and it ruins every single good thing in my life.

It holds me back from doing things with my boys. I still do things with them because I don't want them to miss out, but there's always this underlying negative feeling. I don't enjoy intimacy with my husband because I hate the way I look. I don't enjoy my amazing garden and the land with our house because I feel uncomfortable in my clothes. I waste money buying clothes that I think will make me look better when in fact, nothing will until I loose weight. I'm reluctant to do things with friends because I'm embarrassed about the way I look. I like to exercise, but this extra weight I'm carrying around makes it so much harder to do.

My unhealthy relationship with food is ruining all the good things in my life. I'm so much happier when I have had a good day of healthy, satisfying eating, but I just give into the cravings, then binge until I feel sick. It's horrible.

If I could just break the cycle I'm in when it comes to food, everything would be better.

Not sure why I've posted really, just can't stop thinking about this and feel like I need to get it out there.

Yes, I also like that quote by Cheshire.

The intuitive eating thing - I think I read that book once - one of many - but have probably been on several diets since! "Intuitive eating" sounds nice, like a trip to Norway, maybe, one day .... but what is it even? I haven't got the book now, so can't remember what the author said.

But I can give you a recent example, where it suddenly hit home. Most mornings I have two cups of strong coffee with milk and sugar. One day I was feeling this nauseous shaky anxiety later in the day (again) - and it hit me! Was it all that coffee combined with sugar? So, now, I just have the one coffee with milk and sugar. Seems to hit the spot without the 'feeling sick' business. I could give several recent examples of this. However, I do think this goes against the (awful) diet mentality of measuring everything. It also encourages a sense of "scarcity" and/or denial which can make you feel like you must have more because you can't have it later etc. I think its a slow process though of learning and unlearning.

Re. body size and hatred. I was thinking of Dawn French this morning. She once said in an interview that though she had been fatter at times she had never "hated" her body and couldn't really relate to that view, which I thought was interesting. She's gorgeous, funny and full of life - which is surely of far more interest - who wouldn't want to be in her company for a day? The whole female-body self-hatred thing has gone too far, its really and I think it really diminishes us individually and collectively.

Thank you al so much for taking the time to reply. I've had a busy week but I've just read through all the replies a couple of times and there is some really good advice. It's also nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this way.

I absolutely get that quite @CheshireSplat. I have had those exact thoughts a number of times, mainly since having my children, but that quote has put those thoughts into words in a way I never really could. It's almost like I'm not a real grown up person because of these issues (inside and outside). I know to the outside world I look like one of those people who 'has it together' (weight not included) but because so many of my internal thoughts and feelings are negatively focussed on my weight, I don't feel like that person at all. I always think I'll feel like that'll grown up woman when I've sorted the weight issues out, but like @HeyNowHey said, that should just be done slowly and quietly. It doesn't have to be a 'thing', it's just park of life.

I do force myself not to treat life as a dress rehearsal though. I guess I need to get to a place where I'm not forcing myself and just living life because it's happening now.

@Coriandersucks good point about getting a third party involved. I meant to say earlier on that I've actually signed up to a ten week program starting in January, looking at nutrition, fitness, mindset and mental well-being. A few friends have done it and had great results - physically and mentally. Of course I want to loose weight doing it, but I'm really looking forward to the mindset side of it more than anything.