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Weight loss chat

A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

Worried about mum.

4 replies

IceLace100 · 12/08/2021 19:07

Ok sorry it's long but don't want to drip feed.

I'm really worried about my mum and just wondered if anyone has any similar experiences.

My mum has always struggled with her weight. She put on a lot of weight years ago when someone in the family was very ill. I think it was comfort eating, bad habits and poor portion control.

She got to approx size 28/30 so really very big. She was this size for a couple of years.

We were all ridiculously worried about all the usual general health things, but thankfully she didn't have any negative effects. During this time she was on antidepressants and generally didn't care for her appearance (hair etc).

A few years back she lost 5 stone on slimming world, which we were all relieved about and she is now size 22 - 24. She hasn't lost any more weight since the initial loss, but has maintained and still attends the group.

However, recently and particularly whilst on holiday, I found she had some very odd habits.

Basically she still massively overeats enormous portions. For example, a whole pack of stir fry and a whole punnet of mushrooms to herself. Plate piled high. Now I know this is veg but still, very odd (and that would have some consequences for me!)

She also obsesses over food, regularly asking me what I wanted for tea before I'd even thought about breakfast. I said "whatever you'd like" because I'm not fussed, thinking she wanted to perhaps have something healthy, but no. It was almost like she was anxious about it, repeatedly and constantly asking about meal times etc.

She even raised what me and my sister were eating! Which surely isn't any of her business! Also constantly taking about our figures (I'm too fat and she is too thin apparently- thanks!)

If there were some snacks around in the evening she would be tense until they had been consumed by someone.

She was also worried about running out of food, which was weird as we were near to lots and lots of shops!

I feel like she is obsessed with food and feels anxious around it. Im wracking my brains to think if there is anything I can do to help. Probably not 😢 I feel awkward talking to her about it as her self esteem is v low as it is and any perceived insult could make her feel worse.

OP posts:
Orcasmom · 14/08/2021 03:57

Didn’t want to read this and ignore it - I don’t really have advice though. Helping your parents with issues like this, when they haven’t asked for help, is a minefield. It sounds like she might benefit from CBT or psychotherapy? But suggesting that might be really difficult and triggering. Maybe just start a conversation about you being a bit concerned and see where she wants to take it?

Ontherebound34 · 14/08/2021 17:08

Most people who become extremely obese have an eating disorder or at least a very very unhealthy relationship to food. You don’t get to size 28 just from having the odd biscuit too many - it takes sustained binge eating. It doesn’t go away just because they lose weight either. From a health point of view, a whole bag of stir fry veg isn’t bad. It’s probably less than 200 calories in a whole pack but obviously it’s not great if she can’t control her eating and obsesses over food. I think the only thing you can do is talk to her about it but in a gentle way. Maybe she could see if she can get some counselling on the NHS like CBT which could help her develop ways to resist urges to obsess.

IceLace100 · 14/08/2021 17:14

Thank you for your replies!

I agree it was sustained binge eating that got her there, and I agree binge eating is an eating disorder. I don't think she recognises that though.

I don't think that eating loads of veg is bad compared to how she was previously eating, however, it's still eating too much volume wise, just healthier foods now.

She still has binges though when she is off her diet and just eats so much for that "chest day".

She is having counselling but has been having that for years and it clearly isn't getting to the route of the problem.

I'm going to try and raise it with her. It must be awful for her!

I honestly HATE diet culture and what it has done to her and others.

OP posts:
Orcasmom · 15/08/2021 17:07

Good luck! It's great you're so supportive. I agree that diet culture has a lot to answer for. Links between yo-yo dieting and chronic obesity are so alarming.

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