Feel like I should give up!

[currentlyawhale]

Hi all, have name changed as this is personal and may be recognised.

I am 25 and obese. Always have been since childhood (literally since before infant school), immediate family also obese. Since having my DS I've worked really really hard to keep the weight off and loose some. It goes well for a few weeks then I go back to square 1.

I'm currently 18 stone. On Wednesday I went shopping with a family member for her holiday. For context she is a size 8. She can walk into any store and pick up her size straight away, there is no frantic looking, feeling embarrassed walking into a store you know doesn't cater for you. I honestly felt that some of the stores judged me for even setting foot inside!

Since then I have felt really really depressed (used to suffer with MH and self harm although no family members know) I can feel myself spiralling and just feel so utterly disgusted of myself. I'm not sure why I eat like I do. I do so well for a period of time and then just snap and eat everything in sight it is frustrating and humiliating. My issue isn't meals - I eat very little at main meals, very rarely have a proper lunch (maybe a cereal bar or sometimes a packet of crisps) and never have breakfast but as soon as evening hits I'm all over any food I can get my hands on.

It's got to the stage where I feel like what's the point and that scares me! Icing on the cake is that my wedding is in September time and the dress doesn't fit!

I'm not sure what the point of this post is. I guess it's has anyone been through the same and got out the other side/has managed to loose weight.

My issue isn't meals - I eat very little at main meals, very rarely have a proper lunch (maybe a cereal bar or sometimes a packet of crisps) and never have breakfast but as soon as evening hits I'm all over any food I can get my hands on

Then part of your issue is meals. I'm not suggesting it's easy to solve binging habits, but eating a decent amount of proper, healthy, nutritious food at meal times is really important if you're going to tackle your weight. It's not surprising you feel the need to eat everything in sight by evening time if you haven't eaten anything proper all day!

You may be out of the habit of eating proper food at breakfast and lunch, but that doesn't mean your body doesn't need to!

But you must know th issue is meals? Or lack of? You don’t eat properly and let yourself get so hungry that you binge on anything you can find. You need to start eating properly.

I find it very hard to eat lunch I don't like eating in front of people and I'm not a fan of sandwiches, wraps, cold pasta/salad etc. Freshly made fine but not made in the morning and eaten at lunch time!

I'm worried people will judge me for eating and really struggle with it and always have

I am so sorry you feel this way. It's so difficult to start anything positive when you feel so negative about yourself. But I can only reiterate what the others say - if you don't eat proper meals, you are settling yourself up for failure straight away. You will be so hungry that you will binge. It's really important that you eat properly. A decent breakfast, lunch and dinner, so you aren't starving hungry.

What do you like eating, OP?

You need to eat 3 proper healthy meals a day and cut out the snacking . I am currently a stone over my ideal weight but I’ve lost 12lbs in the last 3 weeks , each time I reach for a bag of crisps or a doughnut I think do I want to eat this more than I want to lose weight 8 times out of 10 I don’t eat it .

@lazylinguist for main meals I like most things. Not a massive fan of veg but will eat and like salad so have that with most things.

For lunch really not a lot. I don't mind having reheated bits, I'm ok with toasties. Basically anything that sits about all day is a no but unfortunately we have no fridge at work. I've always been like it since I was little!

Is the 'not sitting about all day' a food hygiene thing or is it that you like cold things to be properly cold? Either way, a frozen cold pack would help with that.

You need to find a way round it though op. Or yo will never break this cycle. No one will judge you for eating. We all eat. They expect you to eat. What about porridge with something yummy in the morning. Then you need to find something to eat at lunch.

Agree with others - you need to be nourishing your body and that will stop you bingeing in the evening.

Lunches - what about taking something in a flask? Like soup, or a portion of pasta? Or if you like freshly made sandwiches why not take some wholemeal bread in and the filling in a separate container with an ice pack?

I'm part way through reading Why We Eat (Too Much) and I'm almost evangelical about it - the author has treated obese patients for 15yrs and he puts forward some very interesting theories about why obese people are always hungry and why they find it difficult to lose weight and keep it off. I'd really recommend you read it as it will take away some of that shame you're feeling and then you can focus on some of the practical steps he recommends. It has turned my thinking on its head and over the last 6 weeks I've lost just over a stone (have a lot more to lose) - I have been able to shift my mentality quite a bit and I think that's really going to benefit me in the long term.

I second what Tweezers has said. I'm also following that book and have lost the same amount, a stone in 6 weeks, without feeling hungry (except at normal pre-meal times) and few cravings after the 1st few days. I eat three proper meals a day. Do you have a microwave at work?

@currentlyawhale how are you doing now?