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Weight loss chat

A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

Dd and weight

15 replies

oreosfortea · 30/06/2021 10:07

I'm hoping my posting in this topic I will get some helpful sensitive responses. My 19 year old Dd has been quite seriously overweight since puberty. Last year throughout lockdown she tackled it, changed her eating habits - lost an awful lot of weight and looked fabulous. She was so happy and could finally wear clothes she had always wanted to.

She is now eating terribly again and piling on the pounds. Every day I want to say something to her - I just don't know what to say. The reasons for this are mainly being able to go out eating and drinking again.

Please someone tell me how to broach this. She is very very sensitive.

OP posts:
SummerHouse · 30/06/2021 10:11

She is 19. I think you need to step back and accept it's her responsibility as hard as that is. Just be there for her and support her if she wants it.

TrevorWithTheWeather · 30/06/2021 10:12

Leave her alone. Weight is a personal thing. You can be fat and happy.

Yaykyay · 30/06/2021 10:12

Stop judging her for a start.

What weight was she or is she that is seriously overweight.

What is she eating now that's so terrible?

SaintVal · 30/06/2021 10:17

Hello OP. I understand your concerns but she is 19 and I don't think you should say anything at all. When I was 19, I suddenly put on quite a bit of weight as prior to that I had always been stick thin. My Mum at the time made a comment about it and it really hurt me - I wasn't big just bigger than usual and the weight had crept on. Like your daughter it was mainly from going out for drinks and dinner. Please don't say anything to her as it will make her so self conscious (like it did me) and I always looked at myself differently afterwards. Hard to explain.

SaintVal · 30/06/2021 10:19

And she is an adult now so without being rude, it's not really your business. And I do mean that kindly.

hamstersarse · 30/06/2021 10:22

I don't think it is fair to criticise OP for being concerned.

Weight is a health issue as much as anything else, and parents tend to be concerned about health issues in their children, whatever their age

SaintVal · 30/06/2021 10:26

Her daughter will be well aware of it. It doesn't need pointing out. If she comes and asks for support, then that is different. Im a Mum and I would be concerned too but I wouldn't make it a big issue by highlighting the fact.

oreosfortea · 30/06/2021 10:28

@hamstersarse

I don't think it is fair to criticise OP for being concerned.

Weight is a health issue as much as anything else, and parents tend to be concerned about health issues in their children, whatever their age

Thank you - yes I am concerned. She was so desperately unhappy when she was overweight. I just want to stop it before she becomes unhappy again. I'm not judging. This is purely for her and her happiness. And this is exactly why I haven't said anything up to now.
OP posts:
SaintVal · 30/06/2021 10:29

And I would try and practice good eating habits myself around her; be a good subconscious influence.

hamstersarse · 30/06/2021 10:29

@SaintVal

Her daughter will be well aware of it. It doesn't need pointing out. If she comes and asks for support, then that is different. Im a Mum and I would be concerned too but I wouldn't make it a big issue by highlighting the fact.
Honest conversations should not be forbidden.

Hurt feelings should not be a reason why you don't have a conversation.

It does no-one any good to have this sort of stuff lingering around and swept under the carpet.

With some actual sense, it is possible to have a conversation which is not critical. For example, instead of going straight to weight, you ask if everything is OK? Is there something worrying you? How are you feeling about life?

It is not beyond the wit of (wo)man to have a conversation about this without it being all offensive

oreosfortea · 30/06/2021 10:30

@Yaykyay

Stop judging her for a start.

What weight was she or is she that is seriously overweight.

What is she eating now that's so terrible?

It's junk - there's no debate about that. Pizza, macdonalds, kfc. Drinking lager. Sweets, cake chocolate etc
OP posts:
readingismycardio · 30/06/2021 10:32

It's not only about weight - it's about health, resilience and life habits. If I had this problem I'd want my mother to tell me, bluntly.

TheLeadbetterLife · 30/06/2021 10:50

She sounds very similar to me at that age, OP.

I put on weight at puberty and yo-yo dieted in my teens (doing crap, unhealthy things like Slim Fast and living off watery cup-a-soups though). At 18 / 19 I just started having fun with my mates, which meant drinking and going for curries at weekends, as well as many a late-night kebab. I was very happy, but I also got fat.

I would have been a bit crushed if my mother had brought it up, but I wouldn't have been offended. I knew it wasn't great that I was getting fatter, but I was having such a fun time I didn't care much.

However, if I'd tackled it then and learned what a healthy diet looked like, I might not be where I am now - 20 years later and only just getting back to a healthy weight.

The junk food is the problem -- it's bad for so many reasons.

Does she like to read? I recommend Why We Eat (Too Much) by Dr Andrew Jenkinson. It's not a diet book per se, it's about how our metabolisms work, why obesity happens and why processed food is so particularly bad. Maybe she just needs a nudge in the right direction and a bit more knowledge, so that she can get in control of her eating.

Perhaps one approach you could take is to buy the book for yourself and just make conversation about it, rather than making it all about her and her weight? My husband read it after I kept talking about it, and now he's a convert.

oreosfortea · 30/06/2021 10:52

@TheLeadbetterLife

She sounds very similar to me at that age, OP.

I put on weight at puberty and yo-yo dieted in my teens (doing crap, unhealthy things like Slim Fast and living off watery cup-a-soups though). At 18 / 19 I just started having fun with my mates, which meant drinking and going for curries at weekends, as well as many a late-night kebab. I was very happy, but I also got fat.

I would have been a bit crushed if my mother had brought it up, but I wouldn't have been offended. I knew it wasn't great that I was getting fatter, but I was having such a fun time I didn't care much.

However, if I'd tackled it then and learned what a healthy diet looked like, I might not be where I am now - 20 years later and only just getting back to a healthy weight.

The junk food is the problem -- it's bad for so many reasons.

Does she like to read? I recommend Why We Eat (Too Much) by Dr Andrew Jenkinson. It's not a diet book per se, it's about how our metabolisms work, why obesity happens and why processed food is so particularly bad. Maybe she just needs a nudge in the right direction and a bit more knowledge, so that she can get in control of her eating.

Perhaps one approach you could take is to buy the book for yourself and just make conversation about it, rather than making it all about her and her weight? My husband read it after I kept talking about it, and now he's a convert.

This is incredibly helpful - thank you so much. I will do exactly that.

Thank you

OP posts:
TheLeadbetterLife · 30/06/2021 10:55

You're welcome, I hope it helps!

There are some long running threads here in Weight Loss Chat where some of us are following the book's recommendations. You might find them interesting.

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