Feeling so down about weight

[pifflepaffle13]

Having a really tough day (although have felt like this for weeks/months/years). I am 37, have had 2 children and have been trying to lose the 'baby weight' for the past 2/3 years. I currently weight between 10st 9 and 11 st as it fluctuates a lot. My bmi healthy range goes up to 10 st 10, so I'm technically overweight most of the time. After I had my youngest (5 now), I managed to get down to about 9 st 8, but I've put it all back in again. I'm finding it so so hard to shift that last stone that I need to lose to comfortably be in the 'healthy' weight range. I have tried weight watchers, 5:2 and calorie counting, and manage to lose a few pounds here and there but then just get fed up with it all and lose all will power and put it on again. I would really like to just accept that I will be this size/weight but I really feel bad about myself. I'm a size 14 bottoms and size 12 top in most shops, although I'm pushing size 16 in bottoms as I carry pretty much all my weight around my tummy. I think part of the difficulty I have with sticking to anything is that no matter how much I weigh, my tummy is always big and I always look pregnant. Even at my lowest weight a few years ago I kept getting asked when I was 'due' as I looked pregnant . I'm just so sick and tired of losing a few pounds and putting it on again, over and over again. The annoying thing is that when I'm not following a 'plan' I do actually eat pretty healthily. It's when I restrict things that I then get desperate and end up binging on things. But if I just eat normally I don't lose anything either.

Not sure what I want out of this post other than to vent and wallow. I'm so sick of the 'tomorrow I will be better' mindset and I have such low self esteem, yet the struggle to lose even just a few pounds is so hard. Moan!! Thanks for reading if you made it this far

Hi OP, didn't want to read and run. I have heard a lot on the boards about dasis recti. I believe it's the tummy muscles separating during pregnancy. This could be why your tummy sticks out? I believe you need physio to correct it?
Another thing I've read is don't rely on will power, it always runs out. Instead rely on discipline.
Very good luck to you, I wish you well.

Rather than being ‘on a diet’, could you just knock off the refined sugar for a week? Tell yourself that it’s only for seven days, an experiment, and that you can have one nice thing at the end. Then see how much better you feel at the end of those seven days.

You’ll probably lose a bit over the week, and it might spur you on to continue with whatever works - sugar free during the week, only drinking three nights out of seven, cutting out the puddings, anything you can sustain for a few months. Something that isn’t a rigid diet but will whittle the weight off over time.

Thanks @73kittycat73 , I agree that will power alone is not enough! I also wonder if deep down my heart's just not in it and I've kind of admitted defeat on a sub-conscious level, and that is pretty hard to push back against.

I did think it might be diastasis recti (soz about spelling!!!) but was checked for that a while ago by a physio and she said my tummy muscles are actually fairly ok. Unfortunately I think it's just genetics - I am a very definite 'apple' shape and always have been. I am always very bloated too which again is getting me down and not helping with the self esteem!

Thanks for your reply @Iamthewombat - I have thought about trying the no sugar thing but am completely clueless. A large part of what I eat is fruit, so I guess you have to cut that out? I will try and find out some more.

I only really drink on Fridays and Saturdays and do try to eat fairly healthily most of the time, although my portion sizes could do with being reduced. I only have to look at a doughnut to put on 3 lbs though which is why I think I don't lose any weight even when eating healthily. To actually lose weight consistently I have to eat hardly anything which is why I find it so hard to sustain! I also really want to up my exercise levels which I'm trying to do with lunch time walks etc, but I think some toning would be good too eg Pilates or similar

I'm in the same boat!!! Teetering at the top end of the healthy weight range - pre lockdown i managed to stay at around 10st 10lb (max healthy weight at my height is about 11st 4-11st 6. I'm now 11st 8lb and every couple of months I get sick of it and do a strict diet for a week and lose 5lb then lose interest and think 'fuck it, there's nothing else to do may as well eat and drink'. But it's miserable - none of my clothes fit, I feel flabby and the extra weight is all round my stomach and chin. Really want to get it under control now before the world reopens!

God this is me!! I’m hovering at the same weight as you. Trying SO hard to lose the baby weight after my second baby. No matter how much weight I lose my stomach always looks pregnant, even at my skinniest. I run three days a week, all I can manage with my baby being 8months old, and I eat really healthily. Salad every day. Lots of veg. I dramatically cut down on carbs. I don’t eat sugar hardly ever. I only drink on Friday/ Saturday and that’s two small glasses of wine max. It makes me feels so miserable.

You don’t have to cut out fruit if you’re quitting refined sugar. Fruit isn’t refined sugar, that is stuff like cakes and chocolate and biscuits.

Instead of doing a diet you can turn it on its head and have healthy eating targets. Tell yourself that you’re allowed whatever you want BUT you also have to eat four portions of veg, three portions of fruit, two of protein, three of complex carbs etc every day. You have to tick all of this off the list. What you’ll find happen is that you’re actually too full on the good stuff to eat too much crap and you will naturally cut right down on rubbish as you will be eating more healthy foods.

Also make it a real treat, splash out on lovely fruit like the best quality raspberries or a really amazing steak. If you do buy crap to keep in then make it boring like digestive biscuits so you do have something in the house (if you have nothing “naughty” in then in moments of desperation you will probably end up going to the corner shop like I do) but it’s not good enough to be really tempting.

You don’t mention whether you are also exercising as well?

Watch ‘lose a stone in 21 days’ with Michael mosely. It’s 3 weeks doing the fast 800-what is the worst that can happen? It suited me as I could see the end point. Do it from today until just before the summer holidays. You might not lose a stone but it will be a decent loss. I’ve kept off 2 stone.

Before I had my first born I was around 8 atone and jumped to 11 stone , I'm only 5 ft 2 and was all round my belly and chin.

I did calorie deficit but would always stick to it Monday - Thursday and then binged on the weekend with wine / chocolate & takeaways - it didn't work for me.

Fell pregnant with my second child and after was 11stone in size 12s.

6 months later I'm back down to size 6/8 and did this by:

1. meal prepping 3 meals in advance and weighing out my pasta and rice to an actual portion size. Aim for 7 portions of fruit and veg a day ( normally will be lotus spread overnight oats for breakfast with some protein powder, lunch always some sort of salad , dinner chicken and halloumi vegetable Nando pasta is my fav to have. Have a meal plan in advance and batch cook every 3 days so it's just there ready for you.

2. drinking 3 litres of water a day which is a must!

3. Allow yourself a treat but in moderation , the other day I really wanted a McDonald's - so I got a happy meal instead. I still have a glass of wine or two on Friday and Saturday night & always buy the little chocolates in kids sun size for a little chocolate fix in the evenings.

4. Move more , try find an exercise you enjoy, I started with walking every day 12,000 steps or 2 x 5K walks which took me just under an hour on each walk. Set mini targets , once i started getting used to the steps ( I did with my double buggy ) I introduced a Joe Wicks Abb work out on you tube that was 20 mins Long and then bought a kettlebell and did a 20 minute workout on a Wednesday and then introduced a 5k run on a friday whilst hitting my steps , my new goal now is to try and introduce another 5k run on the weekend. I don't have a lot of money as I'm on mat leave so when I start work in September I would like to start the gym.

You can do it! I didn't think I could do it but I focus on my mini goals for each day and that's what motivates me to do , you see me sometimes jogging on the spot to Corrie in the evenings just to get that lady 1000 steps in sometimes.

Good luck 🤞🏽

@emsyj37 it's so hard isn't it!! I have the exact same mind set - f*ck it, times are hard, we're in a pandemic etc etc, but I just end up feeling uncomfortable and flabby too!

@KittyWindbag you sound so similar to me, it's really disheartening isn't it . Although I could definitely do with not eating whole packets of sweets like I did last night whilst feeling sorry for myself!!

Thanks @Bobbots , that's good to know. I think I could quite easily cut out refined sugar as I don't eat a lot of it other than when I'm binging like yesterday!! I think I will mostly struggle with breakfast as I currently have 0% fage yoghurt with blueberries and granola. I guess I could just cut out the granola? And is it better to have full fat yoghurt etc? The rest of the time I can easily increase protein etc. Are jacket potatoes ok on no sugar diets?

@SpringRainbow not as much as I should be - I tend to do 30-60 mins of walking a day depending on if I'm doing the school run or not, but am hoping to start couch to 5k this week when the weather improves. Also hoping to go back to my regular Pilates class soon.

@superram I've tried this before and found it really hard and unsustainable. Even 3 weeks is a really big struggle for me to be that restrained! I agree it does work but I need something that's going to be sustainable long term...

@ilovethecold thank you! I can do it!!

@pifflepaffle13 I only ask as I have been trying to loose weight and I only really started being able to shift it after I started exercising as well.

I put on so much weight during the winter lockdown. I didn’t really want to exercise but a ‘healthier diet’ alone hasn’t helped.

I walk a lot day to say but that 30 + minutes a day extra exercise has really helped a lot.

It is really tough though.

Have you looked at Paul Mackenna (I can make YouThin) Like you I've always eaten healthily but I lost that annoying 3 stone with P.M. I'm slim not thin. (i've got some good easy belly flattening execs) too.

The best thing about Paul Mackenna is that it's NOT a diet, it's a change in lifstyle, a reeducation of how we eat, where we eat, why we eat etc, it works!!!!!!! You can go straight back on it without a problem too.

Sorry to just barge in your thread, but I've been reading along. @ppeatfruit , I'd love to know the easy belly flattening exercises you mention, if you don't mind sharing?

I’d bin the granola for breakfast, OP, and substitute eggs. At the start of lockdown I thought, this is going one of two ways. Either I’m winched out of a window after gaining fifteen stones from snacks, or I start eating big girls’ breakfast to stop me getting hungry mid-morning and visiting the chocolate cupboard. Eggs rule. They fill you up really well and you won’t be hungry until lunchtime. Plus, I think that if you start the day with something sweet, you just want more, don’t you?

Iam the main problem with eggs is the digestive one (she said trying to be polite )

kittycat Of course

1. lie flat, arms beside you, on a solid base (I use my medium solid mattress) . To the slow count of 5 lift the top half of your body as far as you can (don't force anything though) Most importantly KEEP YOUR HEAD IN LINE WITH YOUR SPINE Hold it for slow count of 5 and slowly regain lying position to the same slow count.

Do this 3 to 4 times evening and morning, bring in your arms over head and then do it with legs up straight against a wall. to increase difficulty!

This is so effective that I now do 10 sit ups every other morning. My belly is stronger and flatter than it was when I was a size 8 and age 22! I also do sideways stretches and plies (when cleaning my teeth etc.) , plus turn round to look behind,on both sides
2.

Iam there's a few good ways of eating that aren't "diets" as such. (I've done for my health initially) it just was a coincidence that I lost weight!

There's food combining which is not eating protein and carbs at the same meal, so have your cheese\meat etc. with a large salad and or veg. Also eating fruit on an empty stomach. Not for dessert, except for bananas.

So I'm trying the no sugars thing, doing ok, but I am SO HUNGRY!!! I just want to eat all the food!

Today I have had yoghurt/blueberries/granola (no refined sugar) for breakfast, fruit for snacks (grapes, blueberries, apple, banana), some almonds, tuna/egg salad for lunch, and a packet of popcorn this afternoon, plus tea and coffee. Written down, that seems like quite a lot, but I am still absolutely ravenous!! Any tips on how to feel satiated?! About to break and go and get a twix!!

@Iamthewombat will try eggs for brekkie- it just seems so time consuming when mornings are always so rushed, so I guess I just need to get more organised and prepare as much as I can in advance

@ppeatfruit

Iam the main problem with eggs is the digestive one (she said trying to be polite )

kittycat Of course

1. lie flat, arms beside you, on a solid base (I use my medium solid mattress) . To the slow count of 5 lift the top half of your body as far as you can (don't force anything though) Most importantly KEEP YOUR HEAD IN LINE WITH YOUR SPINE Hold it for slow count of 5 and slowly regain lying position to the same slow count.

Do this 3 to 4 times evening and morning, bring in your arms over head and then do it with legs up straight against a wall. to increase difficulty!

This is so effective that I now do 10 sit ups every other morning. My belly is stronger and flatter than it was when I was a size 8 and age 22! I also do sideways stretches and plies (when cleaning my teeth etc.) , plus turn round to look behind,on both sides
2.

Thank you.

Embrace your hunger - it means you're losing weight! We are so conditioned to react to hunger with food but if you can ignore it, you'll find it goes in a few minutes - especially if you have a big glass of water or chew some sugar free gum.

I lost all my baby weight (25lb) on slimming World in 5 months. Honestly one of the best decisions I have ever made to join. I'm still there now, 18 months later. The plan is really easy to follow and you still get a daily allowance of treats. I don't exercise at all anymore but I stay at 9st7lb by just following slimming World. I really recommend it x

Sarah I agree with the large drink of water, I have a large mint\green tea. not a gum because it can lead to digestive difficulties!

It's true that a bit of hunger won't kill you, but with some people it does lead to low blood sugar, bad moods and loss of will power to eat sensibly. DH just shoves anything into his mouth when he's hungry.

travel IMO there are so many ways of eating and diets , that there's sure to be one or 2 that suit us. I have never counted calories or weighed food or followed commercial low fat regimes. e,g I LOVE olive oil and have it instead of any 'spreads' or butter. BUT I don't eat wheat, having rye or spelt bread.

Sorry I meant to answer your question first! piffle eating slowly, sitting down, (not in front of a screen! especially at first) really enjoying your food is Paul Mackenna's way to help you feel satiated. I found that I felt really full eating an apple like that !