Middle child a bit overweight- hard to manage with 2 other kids who aren't ovrweight

[sunshine05]

So my 10 year old is a bit overweight. I wouldn't say he's fat to look at but a bit stocky with some excess fat and it's getting him down. He's noticed he's heavier than his friends and for eg. he did a race the other day and loves running but he came last by quite a way and it got him down.

We're a very active family and I try to give them healthy food with the odd treat. The problem is he's on a steroid inhaler and I think that's not helping (apparently it increases appetite) along with a heel issue that means he can't always do his exercise.

I was thinking of making some changes to his diet but the problem is his 2 brothers are skinny as anything and eat tons- and burn it off! For eg. they always have cereal after dinner/before bed. Now I know they probably don't need it but the other two don't put on weight (cereal is either porridge or weetabix). So I was thinking maybe he should just have plain yogurt or fruit but he's going to feel deprived watching the other 2. I could change the rule for all 3 but what if they're hungry before bed?

Any suggestions?
Also snacks are usually fruit or veg sticks and hoummus. I do make homemade muffins (healthy ingredients) - perhaps I should reduce those for a while. He's pretty fussy about his lunches and the only thing he likes is tuna or chicken sandwiches or boursin with crackers. I add veg sticks, a plain yogurt with a tiny bit of honey and a piece of fruit.

I'm wondering if he just eats too much. With meals like spaghetti, chili or lasagne he loves it so much he always has seconds and if the other two are having it its so hard to say no to him.

Please no nasty remarks- I nearly didn't come back on here due to some very harsh keyboard warriors!

thanks

If the other two are skinny they need the extra food. Sometimes being fair is not treating everyone the same and you won't do him any favours by keep giving him more than he needs. I think you are going to have to have a honest conversation with him and explain why he can't eat the same. He has already noticed so shouldn't be a shock. Otherwise as he puts more weight on it will just get harder to shift. It's also not fair to underfeed the others for his benefit. But I would try and do it in a way the others won't notice so as not to embarrass him.

I have a friend who struggles with this - also steroid induced.

It has got better since the child has become more independent (11 yo). So they walk to school by themselves, she gets the him to walk to the shops on errands like buying some milk. All food is unprocessed and there are no treats in the house for anyone except on weekends. They do a lot more cycling as a family than they probably would otherwise. My child is best friends with their child and they go off on three hour walks wibbling through the countryside. It's not a cure but it is stopping it from getting worse and the hope is that he'll lengthen out as he grows.

I think the advice with overweight but not obese kids his age is that they shouldn't be actively 'dieting', just looking to maintain weight as the next time they have a growth spurt they'll burn off a few excess pounds and be back as a correct weight/height again, so I wouldn't be looking at drastic action now or you'll make him self-conscious. I'd make it all about healthy choices and encourage him to look at himself positively rather than needing to 'fix' anything.

Are you able to get any further advice to improve/change the 2 medical factors you've mentioned, the inhaler and the heel issue? Can you encourage him/facilitate extra exercise that doesn't impact his feet, swimming maybe, or is there an active hobby he'd like to do that can be just for him, so something positive rather than making a negative comparison with his brothers?

Little tweaks you could make are not having any sweet treats or junk in the house at all (including home made stuff) for a while (they can still have outside the house at parties etc.), perhaps try and get them to swap their after-dinner cereal for fruit or a protein based snack like cheese or a boiled egg - if they are genuinely hungry and not just having it out of habit of course - if the latter then I'd try and break the habit entirely.

With the dinners I'd let them all have seconds if they are still hungry but perhaps try and balance their portions with more veg and protein, less carb - it's so easy to wolf down things like pasta or bread even if already full and I do think with boys that age they can get into a bit of a competitive eating thing with their siblings, like you say if one is having seconds they all want it too. I'd just do a bit of tactical portioning, so with say spag bol, make plenty of the sauce and accompanying veg, but only do enough pasta for everyone to have one reasonable size portion, if they ask for seconds they can have more of everything except the carb, that way you'll know who is really hungry and who just wants more for the sake of it? Avoid double carbing like the plague (we got into a really bad habit as a family of having say garlic bread and spaghetti, or pie and mash, or chips on the side of everything, because we had fussy eaters as well and we knew that's what they'd eat, but then the good eaters (I include myself in that ) were having loads and actually putting on weight - that had to be knocked on the head!

@maxelly

I think the advice with overweight but not obese kids his age is that they shouldn't be actively 'dieting', just looking to maintain weight as the next time they have a growth spurt they'll burn off a few excess pounds and be back as a correct weight/height again, so I wouldn't be looking at drastic action now or you'll make him self-conscious. I'd make it all about healthy choices and encourage him to look at himself positively rather than needing to 'fix' anything.

Are you able to get any further advice to improve/change the 2 medical factors you've mentioned, the inhaler and the heel issue? Can you encourage him/facilitate extra exercise that doesn't impact his feet, swimming maybe, or is there an active hobby he'd like to do that can be just for him, so something positive rather than making a negative comparison with his brothers?

Little tweaks you could make are not having any sweet treats or junk in the house at all (including home made stuff) for a while (they can still have outside the house at parties etc.), perhaps try and get them to swap their after-dinner cereal for fruit or a protein based snack like cheese or a boiled egg - if they are genuinely hungry and not just having it out of habit of course - if the latter then I'd try and break the habit entirely.

With the dinners I'd let them all have seconds if they are still hungry but perhaps try and balance their portions with more veg and protein, less carb - it's so easy to wolf down things like pasta or bread even if already full and I do think with boys that age they can get into a bit of a competitive eating thing with their siblings, like you say if one is having seconds they all want it too. I'd just do a bit of tactical portioning, so with say spag bol, make plenty of the sauce and accompanying veg, but only do enough pasta for everyone to have one reasonable size portion, if they ask for seconds they can have more of everything except the carb, that way you'll know who is really hungry and who just wants more for the sake of it? Avoid double carbing like the plague (we got into a really bad habit as a family of having say garlic bread and spaghetti, or pie and mash, or chips on the side of everything, because we had fussy eaters as well and we knew that's what they'd eat, but then the good eaters (I include myself in that ) were having loads and actually putting on weight - that had to be knocked on the head!

Great advice here, on avoiding double carbing and only cooking enough for one portion of carbs for everyone but having plenty of everything else, I'm going to use that. Watching with interest as I may have a similar issue developing, but mine are younger and the one who tends to be heavier is the younger one so the older one can have the extra snack after the younger one has gone to bed.

I'm in the same position with my ten year old boy. I have a 1 year old so can't relate to the skinnier siblings but it is a struggle knowing how to help him lose a bit without making it obvious or punishment

I'd have a look at the division of feeding responsibility stuff from Ellen Sayter. She is a US dietitian and the method is about ensuring children eat well without the diet mentality as dieting and restrictions generally lead to an increase of weight.
We have been using it with some success in our house with a larger boy.ans his skinny brother.

I was that larger sibling and struggled for decades after my mum restricted my eating and became very controlling about food. She didn't encourage me to exercise and actually discouraged me from some sports I liked because she knew I would be the slowest or worst at them due to my weight. I think she wanted to avoid the humiliation for me.
I agree with above, one portion of carbs and meat for everyone and extra veg, salad, fruit for whoever wants it.
But I think what would have helped me was lots of work on my self esteem, encourage me to try all sorts of things, anything to get me off the sofa.
But also a caution, don't blame the steroids. My doctor said Inhaler steroids for asthma shouldn't cause weight gain, and even if they did if you focus on that, it's an easy excuse. Best just to look at the whole person and what they need to stay healthy.
I hope your boy starts to feel happier in himself and finds some active things he loves.