SSSSSBBW with 16 stone to lose - Surgery?

[Movingthemountain]

Hi all, I’ve name changed as I don’t want to be linked to my other posts.

So I’m 16 stone over weight. Wow. I bet you wonder how this happened? Well I’ve been overweight all my life: Fat toddler, fat child, fat teen etc. I was 13 stone when I left school and I’ve consistently gained about 9lbs a year since.

I am still mobile and wear a size 28/30 and I think it’s taken me a long time to accept how big I actually am. I can still look slim in photos with the right angle and by standing behind my friends. All these little tricks I have to not accept how I really look.

I’m tired ALL the time. I work full-time in a senior role and have 2 primary aged kids who keep me mobile, but lockdown reduced my mobility and now I can only walk about a mile before I’m done. I pant at the slightest slope, it’s pathetic.

I’m on the waiting list for gastric bypass surgery and I’m terrified. I had a band fitted privately previously and it failed. The docs think it failed as it was positioned too high up, but what if I am the reason it failed?

I’m so desperate to finally fix this life-long issue. Is surgery right for me? What if this surgery fails too?

I’m looking for advice from people who’ve had surgery or who’ve lost weight another way. What can I expect? Will I lose weight?

I’ve tried everything previously, but no joy.
The most I’ve ever lost is 2 stone on slimming world.

I’m so ashamed of myself.

I have had both a gastric band and a gastric bypass.
I lost 9 stone with the band and then put about 5 back on over the years.
I then lost about 3 stone with the bypass and have plateaued. However, I am at the stage where I can eat smaller portions of all the food I like, both healthy and 'treat' foods'. My weight is a battle and always will be, mainly because I haven't addressed the real psychological issues around my over eating/binge eating/sugar addiction.
My point is, surgery works, but only to some extent. You need to get your head sorted with therapy first. But that's just my opinion.
Happy to answer any other questions you may have.

Have you tried LCHF (low carb, high fat)? Working for me...I had 10 stones to lose, 7 stones down so far and still going. It takes away the hunger cravings and really gets the weight off.

OK I Don't know what the answer is to the gastric band failing I do know what the answer isn't and that is being ashamed of yourself. Someone will be along with some great advice my bit would be first off buy a fitbit or similar step counter and get your baseline so if you currently do 1000 steps a day gradually increase it till you get to 10000. Don't go too quick and tire yourself out 500 steps increase each day. Then find your tdee and get my fitness pal on your phone. Aim to eat 500 cals short of your tdee. Do this for yourself while waiting to sort the surgery out. The time will pass anyway, you may as well try to be productive:). But mostly be kinder to yourself. Your weight doesn't define you and doesn't make you a bad person x

Have you considered Saxenda? Following with interest as I have a much-loved family member who is your size.

Please don’t feel ashamed. There’s lots of reasons for weight gain and none of them make you a bad person.

I’ve had a gastric sleeve and it’s going very well. There’s lots of us on this thread and you should find lots of good information and support on there.

And while I’m not an expert I don’t think the band is used much now - the bypass and sleeve get much better results.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/weight_loss_chat/4152685-Bariatric-surgery-no-2-thread

Thank you all for being so kind. I truly appreciate your replies.

@th22 ooh good to hear about your experiences. I didn’t lose any weight with the band, maybe a stone.

How long ago did you have the bypass?

I’m going to start therapy soon. I had traumatic hold good with a narc Mum who was obsessed with with weight and a massively underweight Father (5ft11 and 8 stone)! So no surprise my relationship with food had always been difficult.

Do you regret the bypass? Is there anything you wish you knew in advance?

*childhood, not hold good

I had a mini bypass 8 weeks ago. Bands and balloons are hardly done anymore as they fail so often - it wasn't you!

@emptyempire yes, I’ve tried Atkins and the keto diet, but didn’t really get on with it.

My weaknesses are carb and chocolate.

Massive well done to you! 7 stone without surgery is great

I've lost 2 stone 9lbs in that 8 weeks BTW. Ive never lost that much before.

[quote Movingthemountain]@th22 ooh good to hear about your experiences. I didn’t lose any weight with the band, maybe a stone.

How long ago did you have the bypass?

I’m going to start therapy soon. I had traumatic hold good with a narc Mum who was obsessed with with weight and a massively underweight Father (5ft11 and 8 stone)! So no surprise my relationship with food had always been difficult.

Do you regret the bypass? Is there anything you wish you knew in advance?[/quote]
I had it about 4/5 years ago now. I don't regret it at all - I wish I went straight for the bypass to begin with. I'm now able to eat normally...well, sort of. Whilst I have lost weight, what I haven't lost is the ability to binge and make bad choices. No amount of surgery will change that. You are definitely going down the correct route by starting therapy.
Do not be ashamed. Everyone has their 'thing'. You're addressing it now and that is a huge step.
I wish you all the luck :)

PS you can PM me if you have any specific questions

@Prettypinkpeonies thank you. Those are such nice words. I’m teaching my kids that weight doesn’t matter, people should be judged on who they are, not how they look.
I’ve made sure they are both healthy weights and eat lots of veg and don’t attach shame to food or their bodies.

I have a FitBit, but I also hate exercise! I always have. I hate walking, I hate the gym, I hate dancing. I am lazy, I can own that. I have the best intentions, but can always find an excuse not to move.

@Longtalljosie oh yes, I tried that years ago and it was horrible!! The fear of passing wind and it all going wrong was just too much. I was on Xenical.

As well as surgery, the following books really helped me -

Brain Over Binge (the recovery guide rather than the 1st book)

Why We Eat (Too Much)

@MindBodyChocolate oh thanks, I’ll check that out.

How many weeks in are you? Anything you wish you knew in advance?

@WeeFae well done!! That’s excellent! How are finding it? How long did you take to recover from the surgery?

Thank you @TH22 you’ve done amazingly too! Yes, I wish I’d never had the band. A massive waste of money and time. I so wish I’d had the bypass.

I’m just scared by the surgery too. Imagine if I did this and didn’t lose weight? The shame would be unbearable!

[quote Movingthemountain]@WeeFae well done!! That’s excellent! How are finding it? How long did you take to recover from the surgery?[/quote]
I hated and regretted it for the 1st 6 weeks.

I had some complications straight after surgery (internal bleeding/needed blood transfusions) which made me very tired. I was on extra iron for a few weeks but that all seems ok now.

I didnt lose weight in weeks 3 and 4, which threw me! It is normal though.

I mourned food for ages. The puree stage was awful, made me gag.

If I eat out, I can hardly manage a starter. I am sick sometimes because I still don't eat slow enough or chew it enough or have 2 bites too many.

It is working though, I could not lose weight & keep it off, this was my only option.

I have an instagram account that follows my journey right from the decision to have the surgery, which I am happy to PM.

Thanks @WeeFae, I’ve just ordered ‘Why we eat too much’ and chihuahuas now has an added Covid-19 chapter apparently

@Movingthemountain

Thank you *@TH22* you’ve done amazingly too! Yes, I wish I’d never had the band. A massive waste of money and time. I so wish I’d had the bypass.

I’m just scared by the surgery too. Imagine if I did this and didn’t lose weight? The shame would be unbearable!

Don't worry about anyone else. You're not trying to be 'skinny' for anyone. You're trying to be healthy for your children. Any weight loss is better than no weight loss (or gaining more!). You have to think of the do nothing scenario - if you did nothing, would you put on even more weight? I know full well I would have. Whilst I'm not as slim as I was when I had the band, I'm a hell of a lot happier and if other people have questioned why I'm not skinny after the bypass, they've never said it to my face...and quite frankly I couldn't give a crap!

@Movingthemountain I’m just over 6 months out and have lost 5 stone. I can eat all foods and have never been sick. I still get hungry but in a normal way if that makes sense - no cravings or wanting to stuff myself, just hungry because it’s lunchtime!

So I’ve had a great experience and am hopeful that I’ll hit my target of 7.5 stone total loss. Before surgery the most I’d ever lost by myself was 1.5 stone. I just couldn’t sustain it.

But it’s obviously just my experience and it’s not a walk in the park for a lot of people. I didn’t have any real food challenges before like binging or emotional eating and I didn’t even have much of a sweet tooth. So I don’t find it too difficult now to avoid chocolate and cake etc (which would probably be quite easy to eat too much of even with a sleeve).

If you’re serious about surgery I would whole heartedly recommend the book Living with Bariatric Surgery by Denise Ratcliffe. It’sa good read with loads of info and tips about the psychological side of surgery. I read it several times even though I’m fortunate enough not to have many issues with emotional/psychological based eating.

Good luck with your journey!

I agree, the Denise Ratcliffe book is a must if you decide to have surgery!

I spent £7000 on a gastric band and lost 1 stone now back to where I started
Because I've now realised that none of these aids or slimming groups or plans or IF or Fast 800 or anything else will make the slightest bit of difference if you are an emotional overeater and do not address the issues that lead you to rely on those crutches at difficult times .
As soon as something or someone upsets me ... I want chocolate sweets crisps biscuits or cake ice cream - any of those to feel better
Then I feel crap for doing it so I do it again ... and again
Wish I'd spent the money on therapy for my issues instead then maybe I could just eat normally for nutrition and not be in this position
I think WLS is good if portion control is the issue but otherwise I'd not bother ... very much regret it