Anyone else trapped in an endless cycle of being "good" or "bad"?

[edballsfriendlyneighbour]

I'm getting to the point where it feels like I have a serious problem and I don't know where to turn!

I'm a size ten so on the face of it not overweight. But my eating habits are horrific. I'm either being "good" and following some plan or another, with varying levels of success, or I'm being "bad". And when I'm being bad, I binge.

I eat anything I can find. Sugar is particularly a problem. This morning I told myself was day one of starting to try to lose weight again.

I've eaten two Milky Ways, four cereal bars, a family sized bag of crisps, two dinners (DS left his so I finished it!) and probably more that I can't remember. I just can't seem to stop.

Anyone else? And has anyone managed to overcome this?

I overcame this by doing Whole30. Genuinely, it will change the way you eat and think about food forever. If you like reading books of that nature, try "It starts with food" by Melissa urban or the basic whole 30 book. It's a bit American tbh but it's an easy enough read. I think a lot of people drop it in horror when they read the list of 'no' foods, but this is 30 days. It took me years after first reading about it to get the nerve to do it, but it has changed my life.

Essentially it's a very strict whole foods paleo diet. You cut out a lot of food groups (eg dairy, grains, sugar and food additives, and alcohol) for 30 days. Then one by one you gradually introduce them back and devise yourself a 'lifelong diet' that works for you. I did mine 8 months ago and so far I have only reintroduced wine, I have tried dairy on two occasions and it didn't make me feel good, so that's staying out for now.

I no longer mentally balance everything i put in my mouth, because there is no good or bad food any more. All my food is good food. I am a lifelong dieter and I was so sick of the rollercoaster of 'diet diet binge run diet diet' and the feeling of being trapped and controlled by food. Ironically, people judge my diet now as being so restrictive (what, no cheese? No cake? What do you eat??) but for the first time in my adult life I am free. The scales are gone. The guilt has gone. And I have lost weight and gained muscle - I can visibly see it on my body despite not weighing myself.

I would recommend it to anyone. I didn't lose much weight but like you I didn't have much to lose, and I eat a lot. There's no calorie or macro counting, just eat real food x 3 meals a day.

@thenewaveragebear1983 well done for getting yourself to a place where you are in control. I just can't imagine never eating sweet food again. I don't want to never eat sweet food again! I just want to be balanced with my food choices. Basically I want to learn moderation...

I can't recommend Brain Over Binge enough. It's a book and a podcast (so you can listen to it for free).

I was stuck in this "good/bad" trap for most of my adult life. But I have a much more "normal" relationship with food now. It's honestly changed my life!

@edballsfriendlyneighbour I can so relate to this! I have always had a healthy relationship with food and been generally slim (and easily tweaked my weight when it went a bit up). But since I had kids, I had to do some serious diets to shift the baby weight each time, and how my relationship with food is so horrible! I’m exactly the same as you - I’m either On A Diet and being extremely good or I’m Not On A Diet and eating every bad thing going.

I can’t find a happy medium. I don’t want to become one of these whole food converts that never eats a carb or a slice of cheese ever again. I want to have the cakes and the chips like I used to, but without having ALL of the cakes and chips. I don’t know where it’s all gone wrong and I don’t know how to fix it.