Obese people please talk to me. Comfort Eating, Stress and Self Sabotage

[FlatEarthling]

21lbs lost since January. I have worked really hard to go from 18 stones to 16 stones 7. I summoned up more willpower than I'd had in years. I'm now at the same weight I was before lockdown, so it's not even improved my life yet.

BUT

For the last two days I have eaten over 5000 calories.
Some stress at home, massive stress at work ( working from home, so I'm in arms reach of the fridge, no other location) as we wrap up a project before Easter.

The moment something stresses me I eat. I eat and eat until it hurts.
The minute food enters my mouth I'm calmer.
I've tried other things, drinks etc.
I even had hypnosis years ago ( didn't do a thing at £60 a session)

I think when I switch off from work tonight I will probably be back in the diet zone as I HAVE to lose weight for health.

But stress, anger etc all bring me back to food. Working from home looks to be long term now. I'd prefer be better if I was 'on display' but a job change can't happen either.

Eating seems to clear my head. Does that sound familiar to anyone?

I eat far less on the weekends.

Oh well, tomorrow is another day.
Fresh start and all that.

Well done on the weight loss!!!! I am struggling to stick to a diet from the start of the day to the end so your story is very inspiring x

You're not alone! I started at 22 stone and now down to 17. Still trying to lose but honestly just maintaining this would be awesome. Here's my timeline:

2 years ago: realised my anxiety was out of control, went to therapy, found a great therapist, still in therapy.

About 15 months ago: Started working on my disordered eating. Cut out trigger foods (biscuits, chocolates, cakes, sweets) and stuck to 3 meals a day trying to watch portion sizes. Lost about half a stone.

About 8 months ago: started calorie counting and exercising.

Still going. I have relaxed my trigger food rule slightly as I seem to be more in control of eating now that my anxiety is under control but most days I don't have a pudding apart from fruit and I never, ever let surplus portions sit in front of me: they go to neighbours or into my husband's Special Cupboard, which is off limits to me and which works as a boundary.

Going to therapy was key for me although I would not say that it is necessarily the only route to freedom. The main thing I think is to understand why you binge and try to work on that but that is a bit of an oversimplification - I didn't even go to therapy about food but it turns out that my anxiety manifests itself in a number of ways, all of which have reduced now that I understand a bit more about why and have started working on that. Also, I feel miles better about myself - that started after therapy but before addressing eating but it helped immeasurably.

I have found my people, my weight has rocketed and I need help..

Im trying to calorie count its a brain drain 😏

Sat will be my weigh in week 1 🌸

I’m happy to support here. I feel that if I even begin to think about trying to tackle my bad relationship with eating- binge eating and secret eating. Overeating in general... then I overcompensate for the restriction I think is coming- and overeat more. So I then try not to think about it at all and the weight stays on. And on. And goes up a bit and down a bit and so on.
I feel accountability is key for me- recognising what I’ve eaten and why. And finding alternatives to eating for stress relief or for treats or for emotion regulation etc etc. If in doubt, eat! Seems to be my motto.

So @FlatEarthling you’ve already done so well getting here, how can we help you keep on keeping on?

I'm the same with food. It calms me, it makes me happy and I also start feeling out of control once I'm eating and overeat massively. I can never leave anything on my plate and I don't stop eating until I'm absolutely full. I was wondering about hypnosis but was sceptical about it working.

Has anyone ever tried appetite suppressors? I'm not sure if they are bad for your health or not but I saw some in Holland and barret and wondered if they were worth a shot.

Is it just the act of eating that you want when you binge eat or is it specific foods?

I've lost 4 stone since August 16st9 to 12st7 and definitely have days when I go over my calories. What I TRY to do, don't always succeed, but I try, is to binge on 'good' foods if I'm having the kind of day when I just can't stop eating.

So I make sure I always have greenbeans, mushrooms, babycorn, asparagus, broccoli... in the house, fresh or frozen. If I'm having a hungry day I'll cook up a huge portion of steamed greenbeans or whatever with a Tsp of butter and plenty of salt and pepper, or roasted broccoli with garlic, or paprika and chilli flakes. Something tasty but low calorie, and then eat till I'm full.

It's not perfect, I'm sure it goes against some rule or other about changing lifestyles and behaviours, but it gets me through it.

I am also a comfort eater but when I weighted myself last September I was 20st 3lb. I used comfort food as a crutch as a way to comfort me in stressful situations.

I have lost 3st 6lb since then. I am calorie counting and limiting carbs (whilst I get pcos under control).

There are two things that have really helped me, giving myself rewards for every half stone I lose and writing in a journal every time I wanted to reach for something unhealthy.

At first it was incoherent rambling but writing down when I wanted to eat and why was really helpful. I’m starting to understand why I want to eat too much and questioning myself why I feel the way I do.

I also put weight loss and exercise at the top of my to do list, everything else can not get done as long as I look after myself first.

I was worried it was just me. Thanks for the replies.

I don't think its any specific foods, it's just anything quick. And lots of it.
My willpower had been pretty good for 2 months and it just vanished because my stress levels went sky high.
Previously in the last few weeks, I'd have been able to eat something more 'diety'
We had a lot of food in for Easter, copious hot cross buns etc.
I'd been calorie counting and weighing.

I need better strategies.
It was so calming to have the food in my mouth, it's the act of eating that makes me better.
I've been like this since childhood, fat child, plump teenage, big at Uni,
13 stones at my wedding, 15 stone when pregnant, 18 stones in the past, and 18 stones at my lockdown peak.
But I have noticed a direct link since working at home.
Food is comfort.

It’s good that you’ve identified that working at home is making it hard.

Do you have structure in the day, to take time off and eat a table rather than in front of a screen?

Personally I find it easier not to snack between meals, but drink lots of fluid instead, but this might not suit you.

its after 6pm I start searching for things that are no good for me but I still want them

Similar here. I've reduced stress, which has helped hugely. Not very helpful if you can't, though.

What about sugar free boiled sweets? I suck on them, they last a while, and it feels like cheating.

Also, muller light yogurts. They give you calcium and don't add much calories wise.

Have a box of stress eating free foods- sugar free sweets, jellies, carrots, yogurts- things that allow you to eat constantly but not too densely.

Make sure you eat some good calories too, so you are satisfied nutritionally as well.

Far better to have a strategy and manage the situation than try to power through and fail.

I was just into the obese category around a year ago and was a massive comfort eater. I'd tried so many things over the years including hypnosis and I'd lose a bit or cut down on comfort eating. The thing that shocked me into change was I had an hba1c test after having previous gestational diabetes and I was borderline type 2 diabetic. I was devastated and read as much as I could about what I could do to reverse it and went low carb with intermittent 16:8 fasting. I've lost 3 stone and my last blood test was well within normal ranges.

I think it's impossible to break the cycle of comfort eating without a really drastic realignment of thinking and mine came via a health scare..

I find cooking for everyone else here at home doesn't help, as I taste/nibble whilst cooking 😳

I wish I could find what my triggers are. I read about emotional eating and how people eat when they are happy or sad or stressed but I just eat without any identifiable emotion. I'm fine at this in the day but struggle in the evenings as I just want to eat, eat, eat.
I have lost over 5 stone by calorie counting and portion reduction, was 20 stone 5 at my heaviest but still have a long way to go to even get into the overweight category of BMI.

I was pointed to Brain over Binge, which is written by someone who believes that she doesn't have psychological triggers and for whom therapy didn't work - she says she dealt with it in a different way. Her approach didn't work for me, but being responsive to therapy is about timing and anyway it is possible that bingeing has different causes not all of which are rooted in mental distress I guess. I don't know that everyone has to get to the bottom of the cause to sort it although since for me it was about comfort in response to anxiety there wasn't really a fix that didn't involve understanding (a) that the anxiety was a trigger and (b) where that anxiety really came from, which enabled me to address the anxiety and which then made it easier to get out of the habit of bingeing.

I'm losing weight very, very, very slowly at the moment but I haven't binged as you describe for about 6 months (and haven't felt the need despite stress/triggers). I have been having therapy for 18 months and although it is £££ it is worth every penny because it is addressing the root causes of my lack of self worth. I can't say understand the mechanism but it is DEFINITELY having an effect.

The other thing I'm doing is fasting 7-11 (so only eating between 11-7) and that has helped immensely. It almost feels like the fasting periods are periods of grace where I'm safe from bingeing behaviour. I'm aware that's nuts, but it is helping me to think of myself compassionately rather than with hatred.

@ThePlantsitter

I'm losing weight very, very, very slowly at the moment but I haven't binged as you describe for about 6 months (and haven't felt the need despite stress/triggers). I have been having therapy for 18 months and although it is £££ it is worth every penny because it is addressing the root causes of my lack of self worth. I can't say understand the mechanism but it is DEFINITELY having an effect.

The other thing I'm doing is fasting 7-11 (so only eating between 11-7) and that has helped immensely. It almost feels like the fasting periods are periods of grace where I'm safe from bingeing behaviour. I'm aware that's nuts, but it is helping me to think of myself compassionately rather than with hatred.

I'm doing fasting too.. I'm doing 12 noon to 8pm, and yes I find it helps me too, I'm also calorie counting during those hours, and I lost 3lbs this week, on my Saturday weigh in, hopefully, I can maintain it, I'm hoping a pound a week, anything more is a super bonus.

good luck

You're likely binging because you're restricting too much. I would recommend following body positive instagram accounts, get happy in your body and with the weight that you are, and read intuitive eating and/or the fuckit diet, plus therapy if you can afford it. Diets don't work. Even the ones parading as 'lifestyle changes'.

I'm glad in a way to read this, I feel so lonely and weak and get cross with myself because the minute I feel a bit shit , or stressed , I stuff my face to ease the pain. I am very self sabotaging . I've just had a gastric band removed as it failed miserably and caused significant damage internally and am now living a daily massive battle not to balloon even more ( I'm already morbidly obese ) Unfortunately I have some very stressful factors that I can do nothing about in my life and the regular flare ups with these issues just make getting well again seem impossible , you certainly aren't alone OP X

@BonesJones No, I eat when I'm stressed whether I'm dieting or not. It's calming.
I don't need any body positivity stuff. I'm fine. I need to lose weight for my health. I'm obese and have been for years. I'm not vain about my weight, my weight makes me ill.

@cutebutscary we have a diet thread for BMI of 40 plus if you want to join?
It's not hardcore.

@BonesJones

You're likely binging because you're restricting too much. I would recommend following body positive instagram accounts, get happy in your body and with the weight that you are, and read intuitive eating and/or the fuckit diet, plus therapy if you can afford it. Diets don't work. Even the ones parading as 'lifestyle changes'.

Isn't body positive just another word for 'obese' though? Most Instagrammers I've seen who are part of the body positive movement are fairly young so the long term effects of a life time of obesity won't even be on their radar yet.

@FlatEarthling thank you , I'll look at that now . I have to admit I'm a bit of a hermit on these groups and more of a lurker but your post just emotionally grabbed my attention as I can empathise . I forgot to say , you've done amazing since January , and we are our own worst critics I think so try not to be too hard on yourself as you've done amazing x